My Little Problem

Ive been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. 2 months ago we moved in together. There is quite an age gap(he's 35 and I'm 21). He was very up front with me and told me he had a daughter from a previous relationship and I didn't think much of it because I wasn't very serious about him however, as time went on my feelings for him became very strong and I do see myself marrying him and starting a family with him one day. One problem....his past haunts me everyday.

For almost a year we barely saw her(I think he was afraid I'd take off if I was around her too much) but recently she has been coming around much more often. It's not that I don't like her(she's 12 years old) I just feel like she is intentionally doing things to hurt me. She makes fun of me a lot and tells me stories of her mother and my boyfriend and how in love they were. I've accepted his past but I don't want to relive it through his daughter. I've talked to her about how I respect her mother but how it makes me uncomfortable to hear stories like that. I made it clear that it's not that she can't say anything about her mother or anything like that but just that it makes me uncomfortable sometimes yet, she continues to do it anyway. I think she is doing it on purpose. It hurts me because I do so much for that little girl. I do things with her that her mother does not like shopping, or hair or makeup, her mom and I are complete opposites. I'm a Girly girl and she's quite the tomboy. I feel like that's why it hurts me so much.

Other feelings I've been having are if my boyfriend and I were to get married and start a family, would it be less special? Would I just be another link in the chain? I feel like I would be less important and my children would come second and just not matter as much.

I need to know if how I'm feeling is normal and how I should handle his daughter. I don't hate her and I want a good relationship with her, I just feel like she doesn't take me seriously and I don't know what to do anymore. Please help!
amanda9277 amanda9277
22-25, F
3 Responses Aug 13, 2013

The girl is understandably jealous of you because due to you, she hardly saw her dad for a year.
Have some empathy for the fact that she loves her dad, and you've come between her relationship with him. She is trying to hurt you and make your jealous just like she has been jealous of her dad's relationship with you.

Be the bigger person here and stop rising to her bait. Give her some alone time with her dad, too. At her age, girls often idolize their dads and want to spend time alone with their dad. Let her do that. Realize that she's just a little girl who loves her dad.

As for your boyfriend's past: Get over it. He chose you.

I agree, you're the adult but you sound like a child. Stop letting this little kid have so much control over your life!

tough situation. you are the adult. you mustn't let the behavior of a child upset you. if you were to marry, you would be co-parenting. depending on how much time you spend with her, boundaries will have to be established. talk with your boyfriend about all this and ask what his take is and how he wants you to handle her.