I Hate Her From The Botton Of My Heart!

My boyfriend and I have been living together for a year and two months now. When I met him I knew he had a daughter from a previous "relationship", well, he was actually married to this one *****, who already has 3 children from 3 different men, I find that really gross...and he betrayed him and is married now to another different man.

His child (i don't even know if she is even his) is 8 years old. At the beginning i had thoughts about it because something in me knew that I had never wanted to have a relationship with someone who already has children but Klaus (my boyfriend) and me got along and he was so nice that I fell in love with him...

When he introduced me to the girl, I was just nice to her. I have a lot of experience with children so I know how to be fun around children. I never really felt that i was growing feelings for her, I just felt that I didn't care about her, I didn't love her and I didn't hate her either. I didn't have a reason why I should hate her. 

The relationship was going ok but then there was this one thing that was constantly bothering me because I realized that my bf never planned things for us as couple to do and if I invited him somewhere or my friends had a party, he couldn't go because the kid was supposed to be coming on that weekend or day too. It was like bad luck, every time he had something else to do that had to do with her. And like I said before, he was not planning fun things for us to do, he was only planning something exciting, like a walk or going to the pool or something like that when she would come, always on her weekend but on my weekends he would only work...that started ******* me off so I told him the way I felt and he promised to change but he never did...

I started getting really frustrated and I would cry my eyes out because I was feeling worthless, after that I became really aggressive.

I noticed that what I thought or said wasn't so important, more important was what his ex (the BITC*) had to say or thought. She was even getting mail on his address and he was hiding her letters from me because he knew I didn't like that! When I discovered the letters in the basement I freaked out.

He has hurt me so many times, he didn't go to my birthday party because on the same weekend his stupid daughter was staying with him, he didn't even planned anything for valentines....he has already ruined my valentines day two years in a row because the stupid child was there. I asked him why he doesnt plan things with time. Why doesn't he talk to the ***** so that the kid can come on  a different weekend. why he always does that to me? He cries and says he is an idiot and that is it...he promises to change but doesnt do anything to change.

I am becoming a really sad person, I am crying all the time. Everything is perfect when the kid is not there but when she comes she ruins everything.

There is so much more to say but I am already crying again, I hate her so much, why does he have to exist in the first place?

I wanted to have children with him but the thought that he already had a child, he was even in the operation room when the child was born, he has already seen it all...what can I offer...nothing...

it hurts so much..

phabbiola phabbiola
26-30, F
17 Responses Feb 16, 2010

I feel the same way about my boyfriends daughter too. At first everything was going smoothe but then he got her more and more and now i cant stand being around her anymore than I have too. I live with him and the brat too.

I am so happy to announce that we are still together and we are getting married in 2 weeks. He does not see the child ANYMORE because it turns out, she was indeed not his daughter. That "bit**"mother of hers had children with different men and led him to believe the child was his although it wasn't but he still needs to pay for her because he "adopted" her once she was born during their pathetic "marriage". For all of you who accused us of being selfish, you are just being narrow-minded. She might be there after I die but only "might" and it turns out she was not at all his flesh and blood. Anyways the mitochondrial dna can only be passed from mother to daughter and not from father to daughter.
I hated to have a spy in my own home who would tell every single detail about our life to that bi** mother of hers. Do you think it is nice to have something like that happen at your own home? So there is goes the "innocent" child. It would drive anyone crazy if this information was then twisted and used against you like that wh*** did to us. She tried to break us up by telling stories about us to every single friend of his, who would then tell him to break it up with me. But he did not. I was there for him when he got cancer, I was there for him when he broke his leg and could not work. I am there for him every single time. what do you think about that?

The bond between a father and a daughter can only really exist if you see the child every single day and go through life with her every single day. You need to give the child stability and a normal, regular family basis. A women who opens her legs just because and does not even think of the consequences of having one child with every single man she has been with, is plain disgusting. Children are not souvenirs.

No, I am not immature, I have eyes, I have a heart and I could feel from the beginning that something was just not right. That woman was trying to controll my fiance using the child for it. She has done the same with her other children daddies. Sadly my fiance did not know what it was to have an opinion, to defend ones position, to be harsh when he needed to, to say NO and most importantly to stop being afraid to tell the truth. He cannot allow for someone to manipulate him for life just because of a stupid child. Come on! Why are people on earth for? TO LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE. Not to live the life someone wants you to live. It turns out he realized she was just jealous that I could speak more languages than her, that I have a university degree, that I do not need to get pregnant for a man to want to be with me and that I have not ruined the life of my own children like she did.

No, I do not feel sorry for the child at all. There are enough children in war zones, that get shot in the head when trying to survive in a hostile enviroment and they have no one to look after them. I am not going to feel sorry for a spoiled brat like her, she is not innocent at all and was never, and I still do not like her.

You know who is going to be taking care of him when he is old, I will be. Not her. So yeah. I am a happy person now =)

I don't care how old this thread is, I NEED to see something, you immature 'children' that claim to hate your partners child, do you have children? No? Good cod I'd be worried if you did because you can't fully understand the bond between a parent and a child then.

First off YOU all got with these men knowing they had a prior commitment, their children. Once you plop into their lives you can't expect them to drop everything to see YOU when they have children they need to spend time with because they don't have the luxury of seeing them everyday anymore.

Secondly, how dare you hate an innocent child that was there before you (and will certainly be there after you when half these men realise what immature children YOU are!) these children have done nothing wrong, they're their fathers flesh and blood while you all are easily replacible as much as you try to convince yourselves that you're not you ARE even if you stay with these men and their daughters grow up and leave NOTHING will replace the bond that father and daughter will always share.

Youre an ignorant child. Do him a favor and get out of his life. Some respect you have for him, he sees her nowhere near as much as you. You are disgusting the lot of you girls in this section.

You need to grow the hell up, you have to be one of the most selfish people i have ever had the displeasure of reading into. In fact do HIM a favor and leave him alone, that little girl means more to him than you, and she should, its hi daughter, girlfriends come and go, he cant just dump her and get a new one, so when she visits yeah she gets all his attention. Seriously you "girls" are freakin mental and immature as all hell. None of you deserve one ounce of love from anyone. Youre all horrible excuses for human beings. I dont believe i have ever been so disgusted in a species of animal in my life. Hope youre all happy with yourselves, youve managed to make anyone with half a heart that reads this, hate every one of you.

ohh hun i feel for you i now the feeling when they drive you insane and you try to differ with your partner but all you get is shes my daughter the golden girl of there life .you feel drained and on the brink of walking away xxxyou feel like she has him wrapped around her little finger and she knows it cos it is her dad and she thinks she can do whatever it takes my advise cut all ties with her tell him that she not wellcome no more if she such a ***** and show her she isnt in control no more ;}he can go see her when he likes but not under your house ;}xxxxx

Get a grip.

His actual daughter's done nothing to "get in the way" of your relationship apart from existing. And that's something she had no control over whatsoever. You're obviously not equipped to deal with this and this isn't the kind of relationship you're suited for.

You come off sounding quite selfish and I think you need to spend some time alone to mature and find yourself.

Sorry but all these comments on here are ridiculous apart from Februarys, YES you all have feelings but do you honestly think any relationship can work if you have the fr<x>ame of mind you lot have its a complete joke and at the end of the day most of these fathers see their daughters for either a few hours or for a weekend every 2-3 weeks and is with you the rest of the time giving you his undivided attention why do you find is so hard to be a decent human being and support you partners with their children instead of having this hatred and nasty thoughts constantly, this is a disgusting thread and seariously some help is needed in here.<br />
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I am a father who has an 8 year old, i missed out on half her life as her mother ran away to another country with her and now is back i have her for a weekend every 3 weeks and my partner is just like you lot even though in the weeks inbetween having her we are together constantly doing stuff just the 2 of us and every weeken inbetween i spend with her at her parents house helping out in anyway i can and supporting them, gardening, cooking, cleaning, helping at her Grandads farm, i am the main one that cooks in our household as she cannot cook, i make the shopping lists, i do the clothes washing but what do i get in return? absolutely nothing except the same shite you all mention above making my life hell when i have the smallest time with my daughter which is totally unacceptable and shows me lack of appreciation and respect for me after everything i do for her, people really need to start growing up and remember you live once why make things hard for people, try just loving and being there for someone without the hatred and grow the hell up or get out of the relationship as it is not fair on anyone especially the child.

Sorry but all these comments on here are ridiculous apart from Februarys, YES you all have feelings but do you honestly think any relationship can work if you have the fr<x>ame of mind you lot have its a complete joke and at the end of the day most of these fathers see their daughters for either a few hours or for a weekend every 2-3 weeks and is with you the rest of the time giving you his undivided attention why do you find is so hard to be a decent human being and support you partners with their children instead of having this hatred and nasty thoughts constantly, this is a disgusting thread and seariously some help is needed in here.<br />
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I am a father who has an 8 year old, i missed out on half her life as her mother ran away to another country with her and now is back i have her for a weekend every 3 weeks and my partner is just like you lot even though in the weeks inbetween having her we are together constantly doing stuff just the 2 of us and every weeken inbetween i spend with her at her parents house helping out in anyway i can and supporting them, gardening, cooking, cleaning, helping at her Grandads farm, i am the main one that cooks in our household as she cannot cook, i make the shopping lists, i do the clothes washing but what do i get in return? absolutely nothing except the same shite you all mention above making my life hell when i have the smallest time with my daughter which is totally unacceptable and shows me lack of appreciation and respect for me after everything i do for her, people really need to start growing up and remember you live once why make things hard for people, try just loving and being there for someone without the hatred and grow the hell up or get out of the relationship as it is not fair on anyone especially the child.

Everyone, please consider this opinion! Firstly I will say that I have been through the same, my man has a 5 year-old “very cute” daughter and she is his princess. I had strong resentment towards the girl before but after a lot of careful thinking and searching. I now believe the problem is YOUR MAN, not the daughter!<br />
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But because you love your man, it is hard for you to consider this point. If your man really truly loves you, he will try his best to understand your feelings and make it the top most priority to figure out a way to “make it work” for both you and his daughter. You are the one who is going to be by your man’s side when the daughter grows up and leave with another guy. But your man does not fully appreciate this fact and is not treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Even the Bible says: the woman comes before the child, not the other way around. The fact your man has not managed this situation properly and leaving you so sad and angry, LEAVE HIM, IT IS HIS FAULT, then you can stop feeling guilty for hating an “innocent” child too. I have left my man and fell much better now. Good luck to you all going through a similar thing.

I understand and can honestly agree with how you are feeling!! I have been with my fiance for the past year and I knew he ''the thing'' when I first met him and I thought Id be alright with it as he didnt have custody and hadnt seen her in months, though he was fighting to see her!! A few months later and the courts gave him access to the thing through a contact centre which he just loves but I HATE HATE HATE it!! its only 2 hours on a saturday morning every other week but I get sooooo miserable and moody towards my fiance who i love so much!! i even removed her photos from his facebook profile and deleted the part that said he has a daughter because i dont want her to exist! when i see her in town with his ex wife i get so angry!! i have recently started to say my true feelings towards the thing to my fiance explaining that i really hate her and think she should have died!!! this sounds awful but i feel awful for having to put up with feeling sad and upset every day because she is in his life!! i hate that he has photos of her in our house so I removed them so he couldnt see her and I hate him coming near me after he has held her with the same hands and clothes!! it makes me sick!! i have asked my fiance to pick me or her and 9 times out of 10 he picks me but then he goes back on his word and sees her again!! i even considered moving across the sea so he couldnt see her at the stupid contact centre!! i hate her name, KAIDENCE it makes me sick, its a disgusting name, not pretty like the name Jessica or Eleanor!! she looks like the mother around the mouth and my fiance around the eyes and I hate it!! i hate that he has been married before, he has had a child!!!! it is ruining everything......i wanted to make him a husband for the first time, I wanted to make him a father for the first time!! i wanted to say IM PREGNANT and him being worried or petrified at the prospect of becoming a father instead he always says lets get pregnant, in other words he isnt worried about fatherhood because he KNOWS what it is already like because of the thing!! we are getting married and I cannot even marry in a church which upsets me!! why did he have to have her!! she is a curse on our relationship!! i just want her to disappear and him to have memory loss of the fact he ever had a child or was married!!! i actually wanted a baby for years but now i dont because i know he will have went through every stage and it wont be new to him!! it wont be new that he has seen a baby on the scan!! it wont be new that he wont feel confident holding or feeding a new baby!! why did she have to come into his life!!! i hate that little girl with a passion!!! she is ruining our relationship and he said to me today I WILL HAVE TO GET USED TO IT meaning he is going to have her in his life!! so Im now considering leaving him even though I madly love him!! i just dont madly love his daughter NOT ONE BIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THE ***** THAT MADE HIM A FATHER!!!!! I HATE HIS DAUGHTER SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!! I WISH SHE WOULD **** OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! How am I ever going to deal with this!! i have honestly tried to like her, even tried to convince myself but it isnt working!!! i dont even want her to be at the wedding!! i used to be a really nice happy girl all the time, but she is making me someone i really dont like being!! i feel like there is evil inside me!!

I understand and can honestly agree with how you are feeling!! I have been with my fiance for the past year and I knew he ''the thing'' when I first met him and I thought Id be alright with it as he didnt have custody and hadnt seen her in months, though he was fighting to see her!! A few months later and the courts gave him access to the thing through a contact centre which he just loves but I HATE HATE HATE it!! its only 2 hours on a saturday morning every other week but I get sooooo miserable and moody towards my fiance who i love so much!! i even removed her photos from his facebook profile and deleted the part that said he has a daughter because i dont want her to exist! when i see her in town with his ex wife i get so angry!! i have recently started to say my true feelings towards the thing to my fiance explaining that i really hate her and think she should have died!!! this sounds awful but i feel awful for having to put up with feeling sad and upset every day because she is in his life!! i hate that he has photos of her in our house so I removed them so he couldnt see her and I hate him coming near me after he has held her with the same hands and clothes!! it makes me sick!! i have asked my fiance to pick me or her and 9 times out of 10 he picks me but then he goes back on his word and sees her again!! i even considered moving across the sea so he couldnt see her at the stupid contact centre!! i hate her name, KAIDENCE it makes me sick, its a disgusting name, not pretty like the name Jessica or Eleanor!! she looks like the mother around the mouth and my fiance around the eyes and I hate it!! i hate that he has been married before, he has had a child!!!! it is ruining everything......i wanted to make him a husband for the first time, I wanted to make him a father for the first time!! i wanted to say IM PREGNANT and him being worried or petrified at the prospect of becoming a father instead he always says lets get pregnant, in other words he isnt worried about fatherhood because he KNOWS what it is already like because of the thing!! we are getting married and I cannot even marry in a church which upsets me!! why did he have to have her!! she is a curse on our relationship!! i just want her to disappear and him to have memory loss of the fact he ever had a child or was married!!! i actually wanted a baby for years but now i dont because i know he will have went through every stage and it wont be new to him!! it wont be new that he has seen a baby on the scan!! it wont be new that he wont feel confident holding or feeding a new baby!! why did she have to come into his life!!! i hate that little girl with a passion!!! she is ruining our relationship and he said to me today I WILL HAVE TO GET USED TO IT meaning he is going to have her in his life!! so Im now considering leaving him even though I madly love him!! i just dont madly love his daughter NOT ONE BIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THE ***** THAT MADE HIM A FATHER!!!!! I HATE HIS DAUGHTER SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!! I WISH SHE WOULD **** OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! How am I ever going to deal with this!! i have honestly tried to like her, even tried to convince myself but it isnt working!!! i dont even want her to be at the wedding!! i used to be a really nice happy girl all the time, but she is making me someone i really dont like being!! i feel like there is evil inside me!!

My story is like all of the above, but also a little different. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now and we have a 4 1/2 month old daughter. I also have an 8 year old son and 6 year old daughter with my ex husband. I'm a loving mother and do anything and everything for my children. He also has another daughter who's 4 with his ex. They broke up when she decided to be a w***e and meet/talk with other men while he was working hard so she could stay home and raise their daughter. His ex is now married to the man that she was sneaking around with and he's not even from the US.<br />
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Ever since I met my boyfriend's daughter I felt this hatred toward her. In the beginning I would pretend to like her and talk to her because I felt a connection with her father and I didn't want to ruin it. After we both started saying "I love you" to each other I felt safe enough to quit the act. For the longest time now, I don't acknowledge his daughter in any way, shape, or form. I can honestly say I HATE her!!! I dread when she comes over and I purposely make up reasons just to leave the house and get away from her. She's annoying as all get out and follows her dad everywhere and has to be told to go play just so he can get a break. She thinks she has to be the center of attention at all times. She's whiney and cries very easily. Her dad thinks she's the most precious, well-behaved child in the world and little does he know, SHE'S NOT. If he's not around or not looking, it's a whole other ball park. I won't even watch her when he's at work. His grandma drives 30 minutes to come pick her up. It's not that I'm jealous of her because he does a very good job at making sure he gives me love and attention also when she's around. Although I don't even want him to touch or kiss me after he's cuddled or kissed her. THAT'S HOW MUCH I HATE THIS BRAT!!!<br />
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His ex is a lazy piece of s*** and a poor excuse of a mother. She can't keep a job and lives with other people. She pushes "the brat" off on others as much as she possibly can. I know my boyfriend and I would have a much healthier relationship if neither of them were in the picture. I'd have to say though I don't mind his ex at all. I was just describing how she is. We get along fine. It's his brat that I absolutely hate. I've often caught myself thinking how I wish her mom would've had an abortion, a miscarriage, or that something horrible would happen and she'd be completely out of the picture and so too would her mother. I would never harm the brat though because I couldn't imagine going to prison and giving up my whole life for this brat that I hate with a passion. I can't even say her name and I cringe when I hear others say it. I know she's got to know that I don't care for her because of how I act towards her when she's here, but she'll still sometimes try and talk to me and what not.<br />
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After seeing this in words, I somehow feel that my story is soooooooo much more drastic than the others. I don't know why I feel like this towards the brat and don't ever see my feelings towards her changing as my boyfriend and I have been together for awhile now and it hasn't changed yet. I have dated other men in the past that had children and I was absolutely fine with them. I even babysat them and played with them. I love my boyfriend, but if we ever split up I think that getting away from her would make me so happy I'd be just fine and not shed a tear.<br />
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He doesn't know exactly how I feel because he'd tell me to get out and put her first even though we have a daughter together also. He has told me in the past how he wishes I'd interact with "the brat" (not his exact words of course lol) more often and make her feel included but I can't even pretend at this point. I'm just glad there are other women out there that feel the same so I don't feel like there's something wrong with me. I hate her SOOOOOOOOO much!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have never heard such selfishness in my whole entire life. These are children .Children who didn't ask to be born,didn't ask you to sleep with their father's and no matter what is going on with you and the man it is not the child's fault or doing. It's not like they're teens trying to meddle these are a 1 year old and an 8 year old? God ,you all need some help. The best thing that could happen is for you all to get dumped and those men find someone who has a heart for someone other than themselves.I am sorry to offend but someone needs to tell you girls the truth.You all need counseling,desperately.

My boyfriends little girl is only 1 but when she comes over it is like I dont exist. If im cooking or dishes he calls me in here every 5 mins or so to see something cute she has done. She is a spoilt brat. im a nice person, i have 2 boys that are 3 and almost 2 so i know how to be patient with children but she gets everything she wants. my boyfriend will ask my opinion on something if shes throwing a fit and i tell him how i would do my children then he just makes excuses for why he cant do it. im just so sick of all this. i wish he would just stop getting her and let her mother keep her. he confesses to me he has thought of this before because he loves her but wishes he never fathered her. there is a chance she isnt his so hes wanting to do a dna test but hasnt yet because if she is he would feel terrible. but if she isnt he said hes done with her.

i am a very similar position but my boyfriends daughter is EXTREMELY annoying above and beyond the fact that he has her every single weekend... Her mother is a lazy slob and can't be bothered to even do holiday events with her. Not only do I feel that what I want isn't important, but I can't stand being around her. She is clingy as hell and needs more attention than any kid I've ever met. She drives me up the wall and I feel like both her and my boyfriend are ignorant when she's around. <br />
Recently I told my boyfriend that if he didn't give me something to work with that he would have to move out of my condo and we weren't going to make it. He has agreed and has made effort so far but who knows for how long. The boyfriend knows I'm not joking, so when I gave him the ultimatum he knew i meant it. I guess we'll see what happens, but you have to put your foot down and mean it.

Hi ya. Not sure I can give any helpful advice. I feel exactly the same about my boyfriend's 8 year old daughter. I am not a nasty person, I am a nurse, so generally compassionate and caring...but over this I am becoming a real *****. I hate what this is doing to me...but I love him.