My Boyfriend's Family Won't Accept Me Because I'm White

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 11 months. He is Indian, I'm white. About 4 months ago he had to go back to India to take care of some things back there. I guess he felt the pressure over there as traditionally guys his age are thinking about marriage. We were talking on the phone today, and he said that his parents don't want him to marry a "typical white girl" and that they want him to marry an Indian girl.. Even though they have never met me. He says he doesn't want to get married for another 2 years, but that when he does he has to abide by his parents' wishes because they have given him everything in life. He said that he could continue to date me, but that he doesn't want to lead me on or just break up with me in 2 years after we have gotten even more attached and deeper in love with each other. I feel completely ripped off, and that this isn't fair. I love him, and I know he loves me. He was going to fly me out to India to go see him, but this didn't end up happening because of the stuff he had going on over there.

I feel like if his parents meet me they would like me... It's just hard. I don't want us to break up, but I don't know what else to do. He says that his family thinks that in order for a marriage to last, it would have to be with a brown girl who understands his culture. I have always been open and welcoming of his culture... I just don't know what else I can do to break this tradition or negative image they have of white girls. Canada is a free country, but this cycle, of pretty much racism is killing me because it's keeping me from being with the person I love. What should I do?
bombshellbl0nde bombshellbl0nde
3 Responses Dec 15, 2012

Hun I'm in the same boat. My boyfriend family is Vietnamese. It took his mom half a year to besemi okay with me and his dad well hes still not okay with me ans weve been dating for 2 and a half years. Dating someone from anothet culture is one of the hardest things u will ever do. He dosnt stand up for me wen his family talks bad about me. Just a couple of nights ago I was with him and his family and his sister showed up talked bad about me and he just let it happen. I wish I could say that it gets easier but it dosnt theres always this risk that you wont be important enough to him for him to even stand up against his family. I don't want to bring you down if you feel like its with fighting for. Then fight until you can't any more.

Firstly u have know ur bf culture and understand it.If u seem him as ur future husband its always better to understand n know what ur gettin ur self into. In the indian culture as u should know, the kids r raised t b very respectful to their parents n as such if u dnt follow the rules u embarrass the fam n as such u that child wil b excluded.(similar to asian cultures). Some traditional indians that i know see ''white americans girls as frivolous,rude to their parents,n have no self control" i know its wrong what tey think but it goes back to understanding their culture so u dnt get offended. Esp if ur bf's family has some prestige they would rather him marry a traditional indian girl that they have arranged n known her for years so that she is fit for their son, and money plays a big part as i said if they r have some prestige in that culture u dnt want to marry some1 thats less off u have to marry some1 thats on the similar monetary level so they can b a power couple. Ive been to canada alot, n my indian friend that lives here in massachusetts has gf thats white he cares 4 her but his family doesnt. If u wanna win them over do ur research, show them that ur just as good as an indian girl for their son but never lose who u r tho, never. Also religion plays a big part r u willin to practice hinduism?

If your boyfriend loves you, he will do the right thing and stand by your side. His family will just have to accept that. A lot of traditions around the world are outdated and change over time, and this is no exception. I wish you and your boyfriend the best in overcoming this challenge.