I Got You Beat! :)

My brother-in-law pretty much embodies everything I don't like in another human being ... he's insulting, controlling, impatient, bullish and rude -- safe bet he has never used the word "sorry" in his whole 37-years of life.  I've witnessed my sister, whom I use to admire as a strong, smart woman, 'demote' herself for him.  She assures us she 'is strong by staying with such a jerk' (yeah, makes sense eh?!). It's sad and sickening.  She says it's about the family and (duh) yeah, that's important - yet c'mon - divorce IS an option. (Might not be easy, and I do respect the sanctity of marriage - but yeepers - marriage isn't about spewing insults and yelling, etc. It should be about love, support and being a 'partner'. There are in fact instances when it’s healthier to separate.) The fact she defends him makes me feel like I've lost her. He is so vile with his words; made many family members cry.  But it’s not a deal breaker to my sister for her 'man' to verbally abuse her friends and family.  Suppose I'm jsut so different from her now, because that's a big red flag to me.

None of her friends like him... in fact, he has managed to 'peev' off all of his friends in his life.  His two brothers are VERY distant with him now, and friends he used to hang with have all given him cold shoulder, citing they're "tired of him"... the fact he yells at my precious niece makes me cringe and want to leap like a lioness over the table at him - beating him senseless.  Yet I am told not to make things worse, so I keep my mouth shut.  Well - thanks "experience project" for letting me talk. ;) 

Man - how I want to rip my sister’s blinders off.  If anyone knows the secret for that, let me know.  :)
CVTisanahole CVTisanahole
4 Responses May 11, 2012

I can so relate to this. My future brother in law ( I'm getting married in December) is controlling bully to our family including my fiance (his brother, who is a very quiet kind decent man but unable to stand up to bullying), BIL is very successful ( career wise) and can do no wrong in my father in laws eyes.He makes us feel small, sends abusive hurtful emails and even when we've tried to ask for support from FIL he says we must be exaggerating and refuses to look at our emails/texts ie proof. Even though brother in law talks down to him all the time as well. The latest issue is for our wedding he has gone round verbally inviting lots of his friends and business interests and is furious we have said no as it is a small wedding they won't be recieving an official invite.To keep the peace future FIL has taken some people off his list and added some of BIL people but this hurts because it feels like we always have to dance round him instead of him hearing NO. Also he insinuated the he would have to pay extra for 'decent' wine as what we have chosen won't be good enough for him and his 'guests' so this has insulted my family. Of course he denies saying that but denial is his always best defence. I miss my future MIL so much she died of cancer three years ago and I feel like she is the only person who would have known how to handle him. His girlfriend is lovely but he has no respect for her so I can't ask her for support also he had another girlfriend fo four years which we all had to keep a secret so I always feel like its wrong of me to have to close a relationship with her because of all the lies. Sorry to vent on here I just feel there's no chance of it ever ending and am terrified this always be a dark cloud hanging over our marriage and somedays I feel like screamimg....argghhhh!

I have the same situation. I'm not sure I can even post about it yet because just thinking of my bil's name makes me sick. I am close with my family and he is around often and I don't know how to deal with this... things have progressively gotten worse since he's been in our family for a few years now, and I worry about what holidays and special family events will be like this year. I can't look at him or talk to him and I am incredibly disappointed that my sister chose him. How do I deal with this hate? I hate having hate, and I hate conflict.. I just want everything fixed but there's no fixing him and I as forgiving a person as I am, I just can't let the things he has done go. Glad to know I'm not alone at least.

Completely relate!<br />
My sister's husband is the "littlest" man I've ever met (in terms of character and integrity). He's made my children cry, me cry, and my mother!<br />
I Cannot stand the sight of him. He's an embarrassment to our entire family and trust me, the word sorry has never crossed his lips in any sincere fashion.<br />
What to do?

I'm sorry. I'm going through the same situation. I started my reply here several times now, but I find it difficult to put all my thoughts, feelings, facts and situations together. I have spent the whole afternoon again trying to figure out what to do with him. My work left undone. Best that I get back on here when I calm down... Me, mum and dad are very upset.