I Think I Hate My Oldest Son

I never in a million years thought I would say this but I can't stand to be around my oldest son. He has ADHD and ODD and within the last 2 years has gotten very rude and obnoxious. He constantly swears and tells me to shut up and that he doesn't have to listen to me. We fight all the time and it is because he never listens to me I can ask as nice as can be for him to do something and he just ignores me then when I get mad and upset he screams at me and he tries to tackle me and hits me. Some days I just want to ship him far far far away and never talk to him again. He always is nice to my mom and stepdad and they think that he is the greatest child alive, I have two other boys that are 3yrs and 2yrs old and even thought they constantly get into stuff I would much rather be with them. Some days I think about packing my two youngest boys up and leaving my oldest with my husband. I am at the end of my rope with him and am tired of crying all the time. Any suggestions are more than welcome
buccsfan buccsfan
31-35, F
9 Responses Oct 3, 2010

I feel the same about my boy and have tried to get help to no avail. I feel like running away and feel like a failure as a mum.

It is so hard I am reply now whilst crying I hate myself and my son he is so horrible and nasty and then can be so nice he has adhd and odd and our whole lives have revolved around him I cannot parent him there are not enough hours in the day to do it he is almost 16 it seems like we have been trapped in this circle for so long if he's having good weeks then it's great then as soon as he changes everything is crazy it is so hard

Sounds like my life but I've tried seeking help to at least get a diagnosis but don't know where to turn. He is nearly 13 and is totally out of control

Hello,<br />
I am a teacher and I' m of the opinion that if you stop all this TALKING and start some old fashion butt whipping things would get a lot better for you and for me. Because they act a fool at school also. And if you have one of these Dumb *** Doctors who says Don't spank your child your a fool for listing because they go home with out them and you come home with them. The Bilble even says spare the rod SPOIL the child.

My oldest daughter also has ADHD & ODD. I finds myself being more mean with her. I use verbal abuse because sometimes i really just want to knock her out. but i do live her

It gets better. I felt the same way. I was in your situation with my eldest having ADHD and Aspergers. We are the town crazy family because of his behavior. My kids have no friends and never get invited anywhere. But with age, my sons behavior is so much better. He says things that I thought I would never hear, like thank you, I love you, he even asked his sister how she was feeling when he knew she was sick. He still slips, the beginning of middle school was rough (crazy classroom behavior) but all in all I can that I truly enjoy his company now. He is a kinder and better person. I still cry from my loneliness. Sometimes you have to mourn the life you dreamed of and accept and love the one you have. Hang in, you will find peace.

I have an 8 year old daughter that does the same thing. I can not take her anywhere because of her bad behavior. She hits and yells at me. She is disrespectful to everyone, has few friends because she hits them too. She is not ADD or ADHD according to her school, because she is in the gifted program. We were at restaurant last night and she was under the table bitting my leg. It is terrible. I have tried so many things to correct her behavior and nothing works. I am at my wits end. I really don't want to do the medication, but feel I have no choice at this point.

I feel the same way, my son is 8 and is so evil to me. I sometimes just want to leave him and his father and take my daughter and drive far away. He hits me breaks my stuff, calls me names in public, throws things at me. he is on different meds and nothing seems to help. It only got worse when I got pregnant with my daughter. my husband thinks I am the problem and I cant control my son. I want to put him in a hospital or some type of reform place but of course hubby doesnt agree. I guess its gonna take him hitting the wrong person and a trip to juvie. he refuses to behvae in school and is at maybe a 1st grade level. I can't take it anymore and I have no one to talk to. I hate telling him I hate him but sometimes I just cant help it.

I have been where you are and understand what you are going through. My son has ADHD and is grown up now but is still battling with hyperactivity and things like untidiness and disorganization although he is able to help himself more now. The important thing here is to realize that the child needs help and if you don´t do it, no-one else will. You will also need support for yourself to get through this. I have a few tips which might be useful:<br />
1. Get a professional evaluation if you haven´t already<br />
2. A mental health professional should guide you towards getting him the into the right kind of therapy as there are different things you can do<br />
3. Don´t be afraid of medication like Ritalin because there is a lot of stigma out there about it. My son was like two different people when he was on and off the medication. He would not have made it through school without it<br />
4. It is better if husband and wife work as a team to help the child and the rest of the family<br />
5. Keep calm. This can be really tough but it is important. I could see my son did not have much control over himself and so I tried not to shout, say demeaning things etc because it does not do any good for either of you. If you change, he will too. <br />
6. Praise his good points whenever possible. He is going to get plenty of attacks on his self esteem from other kids at school and some adults too so he will need some positive feedback from somewhere. He may already be experiencing it from the rudeness and obnoxiousness you mentioned.<br />
7. You did not mention your son´s age but I used to read children´s stories to my son when he went to bed at night sometimes. He loved that and still remembers and cherishes many of them to this day.<br />
8. Look after your own mental health too as it can be very stressful. Have a coffee with a friend, do some exercise, or whatever helps you unwind a bit<br />
9. Go online and inform yourself about the disorder/s (causes, symptoms, treatments etc) as it will help you to understand what is going on with the child and what can be done. There are also strategies you can use at home which are useful<br />
It really is a difficult world out there, even more so for a child with a disability, and he doesn´t have much of a chance of a reasonable future without a caring adult to lend a hand. It is a constant battle but don´t lose hope: Sometimes you will look back and see progress which has been made and know that without you it would not have been possible. Please get professional help for him as soon as you can and good luck

I am so relieved to have read your story, I thought I was alone in feeling real hatred towards my own son. I understand totally when you say you could just pack your bags and leave with your youngest children. My oldest hasn't been diagnosed with anything but we just can't bond. Everyone else in our family thinks he's great and find it funny when he tells me "he doesn't want me, he doesn't like me and that I should live somewhere else". I thought last year that things were improving but now his youngest brother is copying him which is making it so hard to stay. I feel too ashamed to admit to anyone how I really feel and struggle with the thought of living like this indefinitely. I would rather die than leave and live with the stigma. I wish I could suggest something that would help, but I can only empathise and offer my support x

Sounds exactly like mine..I love *love* my youngest...outgoing, intelligent, compassionate, caring....my oldest...can't get meds or anything because she gets mostly A's in school, so I can't prove some mental disease..is very frustrating...She is evil...doesn't anyone understand?

I have to add..she attempts to convince the younger that I am a bad mom. Today, my youngest told her 'you're the one that's mean to mom....she doesn't do anything to deserve it' and slammed the door in her face. Ha! Trying to turn my own against me?