Please Someone Help Me, I Want To Hurt My 6 Month Old Son

I am a single young mom, completley on my own. My family does not speak to me and my "friends" dissapeared when I got pregnant. My sons father left me at 30 wks pregnant for another woman. Previous to this he loved his unborn baby and I was confident we would stay together. When he left I was treated for depression due to suicidal thoughts. I am still in love with him and its been almost a year since weve spoke.

Every time my son crys, I grit my teeth.
I can't stand him
I feel no emotional attachment at all and often wonder how I would react to this death.
The majority of the time I leave him in his crib, all day.
He is not at all a difficult baby, in fact everyone I come across cannot believe how content he is.
But still, I cannot deal with him.
I feed him, bath him when he needs to be,
I don't play with him and I rarely hold him.

These feelings have got so intense, but I have thought about it and realized they got this bad when I stopped breastfeeding 2 months ago.
I feel very guilty for stopping as I feel thats when we had a close bond.

I don't know what to do,
I do not want to be one of those mothers in the news for hurting their child but sometimes I just don't know what to do....
This breaks my heart 100% because I know he is innocent and only a baby...
Jennammcq Jennammcq
18-21, F
9 Responses Jun 7, 2011

please drop your child off at the nearist hospital before you even think about hurting him. They'll take care of him/her and you won't get in trouble. please. please. don't hurt that baby!

It's OCD and Postpartum psychosis.

How are things now?

Since this is a few months later, I can only hope that you sought treatment. I had postpartum psychosis after each of my sons were born, but I didn't know it until much later. So I get the hell that you're feeling.<br />
<br />
Something to think about ... I would try getting treatment first, but if after that you truly don't want to be around him, try contacting an adoption agency (stay away from the foster care system and the courts - they're nasty). Go through the process and see how it makes you feel ... nothing is final until everything is signed, and you can always change your mind.

Sounds like Post Pardum Depression...I had that after my son and I can only imagine it is worse without help. It will get better. Talk with your doctor about how you are feeling. He/she can offer medication, counseling, therapy. It will help. Also, if you can...try to get a sitter once or twice a week until things calm down so you can get a break. Find some mommy friends, get out and about, and still try to have a social life that doesn't soley involve baby things. If in the end, that still doesn't help, then maybe consider other options such as putting your child in a foster home temporarily until you can get things straightened out, or permanently if not. Good luck to you.

First off, take a deep breath and relax! It does get better, and soon. I didn't feel very attached to my daughter until she was at least 6 months old. See, I had to have an emergency c-section which left me in a lot of pain for a few months. I couldn't hold her it hurt so bad. I felt relief when she slept, and dreaded her waking up. I needed rest, dammit, and she wasn't letting me get any! Plus tiny babies don't really interact with you much. They are really just needy little blobs who don't really acknowledge you at all. But soon after the 6 month mark, something magical happens. They giggle at you, smile more, actively listen to you, crawl, explore, babble, play, and learn so quickly you'll be amazed! <br />
Find a mommy-and-me type group in your area, they are everywhere. I found a group for 2 years and younger and they really helped me get over the rough patch. Good luck, and, say it with me, "it gets better"!

I know it's hard. It sounds like you have postpartum depression and it isn't as uncommon as you think. Heck I think I still have it four years after my last child. Maybe you should consider putting you child up for adoption. So the baby can go to a family that will cherish it. Chances are you need a break, and since the father is a ******* I don't think you need to seek his approval.

Have you considered calling social services?

I know exactly how you feel because the day I brought my daughter home I didnt feel a connection. Before I had her I kept thinking how perfect everything was going to be for my family when the new addition arrived. Then my husband was diagnosed with PTSD from being in the military. 7 months pregnant he forgot who I was and I was so scared that he would hurt me I emergency left him for 3 weeks being high risk. 1 month later Lydia was born. She was a small child at birth and had feeding difficulties, when we brought her home she was almost under 4 pounds. He never helped me with her on anything, so I never slept, which when I did get sleep Id lay in bed thinking to myself I wish that she would die or that I would so I could escape from all of it that i was going through. Now she is 2 and a half and she has horrible seperation anxiety which drives me further away from her. She isnt up to par with other kids her age. No talking in complete sentences she will babble and you cant understand her. She possibly has autism and I still can't stand her. Everyday is a constant battle for me to hang in there. I just try to be there for her no matter what. I break down and run to the bathroom lock myself in and scream and cry at times. All I can say is that you need to find some sort of outlet. Find daycare or a babysitter or a friend that you know you can trust that way you can take time for yourself. I promise you it will get easier, and hang in there. I hope that this has helped you in some way.

If you still can't stand your child you should get help.Children are very observant and if you can't stand her trust that she knows that.Its hard to be a mom especially with a difficult child but you will hurt her more by feeling the way you do about her.Children don't only need to be fed and bathed they need love, support, understanding, and a patient care giver.They are innocent.