I'm not sure I would call it HATE but I really don't like my daughter. I have two daughters.. 15 months apart. Oldest is 3, younger, the one this is about, will be 2 next months. My first daughter was 7 months old when I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd, I was shocked more than upset, Abortion was never an option and even thinking of adoption, I was just laughed at really. But as she gets older, I don't like her more and more. I love her, no doubt about that, and wouldn't hurt her physically... But I feel like she's picking up on my feelings. I hate feeling this way. I don't know what to do about it. I try so so so so hard to be fair and be even with my girls, and I think I'm doing a good job, but keeping these feelings bottled up inside is just KILLING me!  I try to talk to my hubby about how I feel and he just gets so mad at me. I don't do it on purpose. My mom gets mad as well, saying she's a blessing and bla bla bla. She may be, but I don't agree. My mom babies her with everything. She takes her for sleepovers, never my older. My older one is my little buddy though and I love spending time with her. I like spending time with both girls really, but I don't feel anything toward my younger.

People say instant bond when they're born? Yeah right. I took responsibility for getting pregnant. I'm a good mom, people don't know how I feel toward her. I've only talked to my hubby and mom about it. My mom though, I think is biased because she had two still-borns, so I can see where she's coming from about the blessing and all. She has offered to take my younger daughter and raise her until I get my feelings straight but I'm afraid I never will, and my mom is sick and doesn't need that stress.

I just kind of stumbled upon a site like this and decided at least to write down how I feel, I really hope there are others out there who feel the same way, even though it really sucks, and hurts so badly. My heart breaks for my daughter. I feel like an awful person.34
sadmommy3469 sadmommy3469
4 Responses May 21, 2012

I have to respond to this because I'm a child that had everything for the first seven years and then my brother was born and I was thrown in the trash. Every day i wish someone would come and adopt me I didn't understand at all . I ended up hating my brother because I thought it was his fult. I could never do anything right I can go on and on with stories let your little girl go live with your mother so that way she don't see the difference you make because it hurts. Maybe you should just take her and go do a few things with just her and better understand her she will most likely be the one to take care of you in old age

I am in the same exact boat. A 3 yr old, & a 1 year old. My situation is the opposite. I truly don't like my oldest daughter. I feel horrible for her having a mom that is incapable of loving her the way she should. I'm not abusive but, I know she senses it. She's autistic and has behavioral issues, she's loving with everyone, everyone but me. It's become hell living with her but, still I try. I treat her equal even though sometimes I just want to scream at her. It's a lonely feeling, like I was given the wrong child. I even have help with her, my mother helps all the time with my oldest but, does nothing for my youngest. That irritates me too. I have been in counseling for a very long time, on long term anti-depressants. They don't help. I feel isolated & alone. I try and talk with family & they don't understand. Therapy is getting me nowhere but, making me feel like i'm a horrible person. I am hoping one day this will get easier. It's not an easy thing to admit that you do not like your child, it will hurt you inside to feel that way. There's nothing, in my opinion that you can do about it. Just the same way as you can't really help who you like in life & who you don't. If there is no connection, there's no connection. All you can do is try and hide it like I do and keep moving. It's not a life sentence! They will turn 18 & weather they like it or are prepared for it, you can ask them to leave. Just fulfill your obligation, do the best you can. Some will bash me for this but there is only one thing that makes being around her easier & tolerable to an extent. I recently tried Marijuana & it helps. I take a small puff in the bathroom then drink my coffee in the morning. I nap with them together in the afternoon. I eat my meals with them. It simulates bonding time. Not only does pot help keeps me calm and able to think before acting but, it just makes things less serious, dramatic, the spilled cup of juice seems less serious and I think more about cleaning up the mess than punishing the deed. (I hope I'm making sense here, lol!). It's helped me at the very least sympathize with my child. I don't have to like her but she's mine, she's my responsibility, and I have to raise her. I'm responsible for the person she becomes. I don't want her to hate me because I was a bad mother, I'd rather her hate me just because we're different. I just hope as time goes, things change, for us both. That's the one thing that keeps me going, things could change.

Wow!!! In my opinion you somehow may feel some kind of resentment, because you got pregnant so soon with her? I have no doubt you love your precious little girl! I strongly suggest counseling. I also think you may be depressed? <br />
<br />
I wish you the best! I have 3 boys; 8, 5 and 10 months! All I can say about them is I love them dearly! My 8 and 5 year drive me crazy sometimes...but patience is the key for me.

You need to see a psychologist. It's really sad that you feel this way toward your daughter because every child on this Earth deserves parents that love and care for them no matter what.<br />
Shes a little child, it's not like she knows wrong from right. She practically can't do anything to make someone dislike her. This is most likely a psychological issue your having, if not a lack of maturity, and a major lacking at that.<br />
Please get help before your dislike for her grows stronger as she gets older. She will suffer greatly because the relationship will not be good and will probably involve mental abuse and possibly physical abuse.<br />
She doesn't deserve this. The least you can do is get some help.