I Hate And Love My Daughter....

Basically it all started when she was in 7th grade she had a bad run in with Bully's harassing her online and in school. I fought the district to have her transferred to a way better school. She was so excited at first. But after the first week she hated it. She then went and told a school official she wanted to hurt herself so they called a program to the school they have set up in my state to have her admitted into the hospital for it. In short she was diagnosed with bipolar. Mean while I am ever the Mom and drive her to a special hospital that specializes in her condition for young girls her age. At this point we are still close to each other. Eventually she started crying that it was sad that her only friend was her Mom and that I was the worse Mother for being her friend. Though I was always her Mother first I wanted her to always feel open enough with me to tell me anything.

Eventually the school got sick of her going to the office and threatening to fight this kid or wanting to hurt herself and so many hospital stays they wanted her gone they went so far as to skip her up to 8th grade as there was a premier school in my town that only took 8th grade and up in it. So to get her in she had to be up a grade. I was scared to do this cause the academics would be harder for her and set her back but she was ecstatic about the school's plan. So I agreed anything to make her happy. Same things happened happy the first week then depressed more hospital stays.

By beginning of Freshmen year she was super happy though she did not pass the curriculum at that premier school she was allowed to go into 9th grade. At this point everything repeated itself happy first week then hospital and ditching etc. But this time it starts to get worse. Me and hubby had split up for a while he had an affair but I ended up giving him a second chance we have four kids together. The counseling was for me and her at this time cause she could not deal with me being weak and forgiving him she looked down on me for my choices in life. Could not get over me crying etc. during our 4 month split up. She would scream at me you Looser your a nobody and attack me. At times she has moments of love for me but they are far and in between now she will say well I treat my Mom bad cause I know she will always be there for me no matter what. So it would give me hope.

I later was investigated cause we lived in a basement apt. and she told someone at the hospital that I locked her in a basement and would not let her live her life. She neglected to tell them my apt was the basement. Anyways upon that case being unfounded on the last day the investigator comes to the house its my twins birthday they are three years younger then her. She starts to tell me just wait Imma get pregnant **** all your friends and run the streets. I said watch your mouth and tapped her on her cheek she all out slapped me right in front of the worker. I think awe crap I am in trouble for doing that when I looked at the worker the worker says I cant believe you just did that to your Mom and wants me to call the cops. But I tell the worker by this time over a year had been every day surrounding my eldest daughter. This one day a year is for my twins I did not want to sit outside wait on cops then go the hosp for the day cause the police never do anything but send us to the hosp to have her admitted when she hits me as I know from previous calls etc. So the woman closes the case and says she will note this behavior down.

In short after so many runaways my daughter refuses to come home one time (my rules are too strict for her) with the police they call Aunt Martha's. She is put in the hosp mean while my daughter attacked another child in group etc. Aunt Martha's then states oh we cant help you with her shes too much for us but we will make CPS help you when she is released from the hosp we want you to refuse her entrance meanwhile Aunt Marthas has CPS involved they tell me if I do this I will be charged with neglect and at this point this woman tells me she would rather place my other children then my daughter. Aunt Martha's woman gets approval from the States Attorney for me to refuse my daughter entry without being charged. Guess what I am such a screw up I dont do it why cause in my stupid head I think Well how bad would that hurt her to feel like I dont love her anymore or want her. I dont want to give up on her shes my daughter and my responsibility I will find a way to work it all out in the end. That opportunity is now gone.

She is now 16 and I have been dealing with this over 3 years she has been hospitalized over 20 times. Has over 15 Runaway reports and has been Arrested 3 times and never goes to school I have begged truancy to pick her up thinking maybe a few weeks in jail will help her learn she is headed down a rough road. But now the law here is you cant go to jail for truancy only the parent does so they say. But just yesterday after my daughter has been dropped from school and I have begged the school for two years to get involved calls truancy on me and now they say well if we do it now its no use she will be 17 and there is no hope for it then go figure.

Now she basically does what she wants there is no law here for runaways and such. Aunt Martha's says she is too much for them so they wont touch her CPS says we dont take one kid we take them all and we would rather place your other kids before we place her. My kid has fell threw the cracks has never suffered any repercussions. And our relationship is okay one day and hell the next. I hate that me and my husband argue whenever she is around cause she is so mean and ignorant to all of us. I hate that she hates me and I dont know what I did wrong. I hate that my husband hates me when I stick up for her. But you know what I really hate most of all besides the nightmares is when I stay up all night wondering if my daughter is dead in a ditch some where.

Tonight she facebooks me she thinks I have some issues and I need some mental help go figure.
Vet1979 Vet1979
31-35, F
2 Responses May 22, 2012

You have done absolutely nothing wrong - these are your daughter's choices and she is holding you hostage. You love her, that is a given - you just cannot accept her behavior - nor do you have to. Take care of yourself and the rest of your family. Send this daughter somewhere, anywhere and tell her to figure out her own life. No more abuse towards you! I speak from experience - my child used to give me black eyes and bloody lips, and when I called the police on him, they arrested me because he is such a good con artist. Not all, but many children today are absolutely hateful, remorseless, so entitled, and have no respect for anyone. Hang in there.

OMG!!! now i think u are one person who posted there story on here who has a right to have negative feelings towards their child. she will have a very rough life and there is nothing that u can do about it. she needs a huge wake up call. and hopefully she will get it soon. i wish the best for you and your family

Thank you very much!!