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I Hate My 17 Year Old Son

My 17 year old son is so damn lazy! All he want to do is sleep and eat, I have to force him to clean. Why do I have to tell a teen to brush his teeth and take a shower. I ask him what do he want to do when he turns 18 because he is getting out of my house. I joined the army when I was 17, he better figure out something. I cook breakfast for him and my daughter, his butt ate 6 pancakes and 4 strips of bacon. He eats food only because it is there, not because he is hungry. I got him 2 job interviews, 1 at a movie theater and another at a theme park and he blew them both because he don't want to work. After he ate breakfast he went right back to lay down. I make him go outside and all he do is walk around the neighborhood. I asked why don't he want to work he said because he don't want anyone telling him what to do. I work 2 jobs and so does his mom so I don't know where is gets this from. I really can't stand looking at him, I get so excited when he goes to his mom's house, when he is here I try to stay away. I didn't come home for a week straight, I brought food for him and I stayed away. He ate over $200 worth of food in 4 days. His mother don't want him but she calls me selfish. I live on the east coast and now I'm looking at get a job on the west coast just to get away from him... It is that bad
DatDude45 DatDude45 41-45, M 9 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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You can never expect a kid to be like you. I'm a fan of natural consequences. Choose your battles. Let him be dirty. When he gets made fun of, that'll correct itself. You want him to get a job? Make it a priority to him. Don't have electronic gadgets around your home. Tell him if he wants a phone of his own, car of his own, anything unneeded of his own, he can get a job and pay for it. It will be tough. He will say that he hates you, but it's for his own good. The sleeping... Get him tested. There are sleeping disorders that cause excessive tiredness. Namely Sleep Apnea/Hypopnea. His appetite... Make sure the kid gets plenty of protein. He has testosterone, is growing and is more inclined to need protein. It helps him stay full, too.

Btw im an 18 year old girl and I would eat double what he ate for breakfast :)

Stop being busy. Stop pushing him. He will move out in his own time. Maybe he has depression and just wants time to figure himself out.

I feel your pain. I have 4 chidren but honestly dont like any of them.I divorced their father after 16 years of abuse and infidality. I did the best I could but they are all sociapaths to some degree.I feel they use me for what they can get out of me finantially then when I tell them no Im a worthless dirty ***** thats never been much of a mpther. This is especially true of my 23 year old son whom recently stole my appliances because I wouldnt give him a large amount of money.Ive found myself wishing for a 23 year old abortion but since thats not possible I just disowned him.none of the other 3 stood up for me with him either and that hurts too.i know exactly what kine of mother i was so that line of crap isnt going to work with me.ive really gotton to the point i dont want anything to do with any of them so i understand how you feel.i think i would be willing to move to china to never have to deal with them again.

I think I know how you feel My 17 year old son is like that and more been in trouble with the law to I have other kids living in the house and none are like him I want him gone so bad he weighs 250 lbs and I can go on forever but what makes me so PO is if I spank him I will be in court if I put him out I will be in court if I kick his but I will be in jail if I ground him I have to look at him and be around him by the way he stinks even after shower . and once I'm gone he dose what he wants and my other kids see it That's gonna bite just wait . and he goes and comes as he pleases have to report him missing all the time cause if he does something while ran away police say it's on me if I haven't reported him run away and the same if he gets hurt . So my options I weigh 155 lbs Bye his grown a_ s clothes feed him entertain him till he's 18 the courts wont even lock him up they just smile and say oh well sorry did I mention been told by him he even smokes weed . and while we were sleep he stole our van police caught him brought him back it was a heck of a way to wake up .

no thats not bad. my son is 17.. and i hate him.. he wont do his homework.. pick up after hisself.. nothing... he has went to jail 2 now.. i thought would change him.. nope didnt do a damn thing.. he calls his sis and i a *****.. i think i am ready for him to go to foster care. his sis works 3 jobs and goes to college full time.. i worked 1st sometimes 12 hr days.. he has no resept for me at all.. he steals and i cant wait till he is 18.. i am done with him..

I feel u... I'm contemplating moving to Mexico from Australia to get away from my teen !!

A 17-year-old isn't a child. When I was that age, I was a college sophomore and financially independent. Could a "child" do that? Or succeed in the armed forces, as the OP did?

That said, this one does sound like it is probably fixable. From what DatDude45 said here, this young man is probably immature and certainly not self-directed or future-oriented. He *may* have a touch of some neuro-difference (Asperger's, depression, pick your own flavor of the month) which is getting in the way of basic stuff like toothbrushing and perhaps also of the bigger stuff like finding work and planning for the future.

It's not normal for anyone, of any age, to do nothing but sleep and eat. Something's up with that. Other young adults might not voluntarily do housework, but they'd at least dork around on Twitter or watch television. It's possible that a doctor visit is in order. Even if he's totally healthy, it might be embarrassing enough to serve as a prod. If by chance he does have some glandular or other problem -- well, now you've got a path forward.

If he is completely healthy -- hmm. Some enforced structure might help, but it sounds like you've pretty much given up already. Let me know if I'm wrong, because I do have a couple of ideas.

Please don't let him eat the entire family's food, though. That's not fair to you or your daughter. Assuming that you're giving him enough food, as it sounds like you are, then he should stop eating everyone else's food. You were once a young man yourself, so you know that teens actually do need more food than mature men, but you also know that enough is enough.

Put a lock on the pantry if you have to. He might even learn something about responsibility and self-control, if his younger sister has a key to the pantry and he does not.

I think that children are the product of their parents. I understand you and his mother are both working two jobs, however a 17 year old is still practically a child and needs structure as well as love. If both parents are busy working, what else is the child to do. I think it is horrible that you feel like you hate your son. Teenagers are so tough and confusing. I would bet that if you move across the country you will most likely regret it and miss him. He's only a teenager for a short time. He needs a role model. Remember that, or the cycle continues.

Do you have children? I had to say I find your comment that, children are a product of their parents, very hurtful. I have given my son nothing but love and support over the years, so in your opinion where did I go wrong? There is no text book when it comes to raising teens, they are all individual and although we all attempt to do the best we can, some teens just do not respond. You can not imagine how many times I have been close to a breakdown and how difficult it is to walk out the door and into my work environment with a smile painted on my face...like life is wonderful. I am emotionally and physically drained. What gives you the right to states it is the fault of the parent.

your right it's not all about you, my parents were both alcoholics, so I should be a raging alcoholic, but no never touched the stuff.