Being A Parent

I have a beautiful 4 1/2 year old daughter who wholes my heart in her hands - she was born at 27weeks and you can only imagine how you worry about her life ending before it even gets a chance to start, but I am blessed she is wonderful and healthy, strong,energetic and just plain adorable....

Since she turned 2 it seems that the general idea is to say no to everything, people call it the terrible two's - and I get it I really do. But two years down the track it seems that not much has changed except her skill at being an annoying pain up the a*****.

Don't get me wrong she's still a delightful child that I love with all my heart but two years of wearing me down is working. She says no to everything, won't eat properly, physically fights me to get her way, screams, etc etc etc. I took her to Pre-school thinking she'll get a chance to learn to listen to certain things and honestly I needed the break. Her teachers started having problems with her (which in a way was a relief, because it wasn't just me) they tried everything to get her to understand that there are certain rules that need to be obeyed - and certain social behaviour that is acceptable and what is not!

It's been a year and a half of preschool and it seems she has mastered the skill of trying to drive me insane. Nothing has changed all that much except she seems to have gotten smarter, which is not helping the situation. And all this is almost 24/7. I wake her at 8am because I feel she should get sleep but she won't fall asleep until around 11pm sometimes later, and there is no down time. She is a bouncing bundle of energy all the time, no really all the time! It's now 9.48pm and I can hear her in her room demanding something banging in the table and "playing drums" - but at least she's in her room.

I used to be so much more patient with her, tricking her into eating etc by using games and so on, but that doesn't work anymore. I've pretty much given up on getting her to eat what she should and am just making sure she gets vitamins (thank you to those companies that make kids vitamins seem like lollies). I love school and want her to stay there all the time because I want to feel normal for a little while and not on the edge of insanity. I don't care how many times the teachers need to speak to me etc, she not with me 24/7 and that's enough really.

It's just harder now, as the days pass I snap, it seems I'm snapping more and more! I have little or no patience and sometimes I can't stand to be in the room with her, and then the guilt follows.

I also have 3 month old daughter who is perfect, sleeps eats and is generally wonderful to be around, my 4 1/2 year old loves her, she's lovely with her (its like a different child). I am very grateful for that because if she wasn't I'm not sure how I'd take that.

I know I'm tired and things are harder but I just want to know when it's going to get better. When will I wake up and not want to get her off to school just to be away from her. When will I not feel like the piece of **** that gets trodden all over by a 4 year old. When will I stop screaming like some crazed posses person just to get her to cooperate in any way. My head hurts almost all the time just thinking about how I'm going to survive the seasonal holidays.

I love my daughter with all my heart and want to kill her (an expression of emotion not an actual action). I know no one can help me and I just have to persevere and wait it out. Yes I know because I've gone to a professional for help thinking that I can get some pointers on how best to deal with her etc. seems I am doing all I can and will probably be doing it for the rest of my life. I was told that she is a very bright and energetic child and that she is wonderful, but it won't be for me as her parent. I asked how long that would be for, indefinitely was the response.

I would be happier if she just had down time during the day even, nope she's like those energiser bunnies from the ads, which would be ok if she wasn't so difficult as well.

I dream of a child that actually listens to me when I say something like, stay with me, don't go on the road because its dangerous, the cars will hurt you.... But I hope that eventually she will grow old enough to manage that on her own - or that the car doesn't kill her.

Those of you out there who all seem to have an opinion on what I'm doing wrong - go f**** yourselves! Most of you are my so called friends thinking you're giving me helpful advice, well news for you - been there done that and how stupid do you think I am!
No one has the right to judge the feelings of any parent until you have lived their lives even for a day and see how you cope.

I'm just venting because you can't actually share real feelings with friends or family because they really don't understand, even if they mean well they are of no help. I'm just sharing for all those other parents out there who feel the way I do - you really are not alone and there is someone out there who does understand :) My warm heartfelt sympathies go out to all the parents out there who feel alone in their pain (and it is pain). I wish I could just give you all a big hug :)

For all you out there who feel the need to be nasty to people that you don't even know - may you be blessed with a day in their shoes (and in case your small brains didn't get it that was sarcasm).

Just sharing my two bits :) goodbye
Justanothersomeone Justanothersomeone
4 Responses Dec 15, 2012

Try nytall tablets. Seriously if they do not sell these in the states, they are a herbel remedey to aid sleep. If you have never seern or heard of these then try your local herbalist shop.. The mainyour indgredient for these is Valierium. I use to give these to my daughter and also for me to sleep. Used only when necessary but they do work. good luck seems to me that you are a really good mum, just tired and deprssed,, Also, if you can afford it, tins of mackeral, oily fish. helps to get your brain going and help with depression

I have 5 children. Four of them are very well behaved. Really good kids!!! 12,10,8,and 1 yrs old. I have one child that is 6. He was born premature also. @27weeks. I share some of these feelings. I'm glad he goes to school all day everyday kindergarten . Whew!! He's was potty trained now he's not. He hits kids, he don't listen. Nor follow directions. He drives me freaking nuts!!!!!!!!!!! For someone to vent its ok. But ppl that want to talk crap on how u feel is wrong. I'm glad I have one lil monster. And 4 good munchkins. Maybe being premature maybe something to do with it. They have high risks of everything. Blind,deaf,autism,behavior problems etc. hopefully the feelings go away. Talking to someone helps.

....routine....the more a child has routine in the life the better...the more on top of the routine you are the better. Use behavior charts...come up with rewards for when she accomplishes the goals on the behavior chart that will really make her happy....this does not need to be toys or bght can be a day doing something she loves...etc.... google : behavior charts for chiodren and you will be able to find many well, at preschool they should be working WITH you and PROVIDING YOU with resources to assist in helping you come up with plans and ideas for her behavior...THAT IS PART OF THEIR JOB! If they see the behavior as well they should be educated enough to implement a behavior plan at schooo for her as well....if they are not doing these things take her to a different preschool where they will do these also might want to check out montessori can google that as well.....

You seem to love your children...but are frustrated because you cannot control the daughters behavior....this does not make you a bad makes you a normal parent....unfortunately the solutions you have tried arent you just have to find better solutions.

As for the eating....this is also typical behaviore...if there are foods she likes give them to her...and continue the vitamins....introduce something new once a week...even if she doeznt eat it...introduce. it...telll her she must at least take one bite and try long as she takes one bite and tries it let her tell you if she likes it or not ...if she doesnt like it do not force her to eat it.....let her make some decisions...small.....but let her...this is a big deal to children...the more she is able to make some decisions on her own the less she will fight to do so....let her decide what to wear....what she would like to play...etc...small things make a big will take will not change over night...consitency is consistent with a consequence for bad behavior as should be something that will impact her...a toy she really loves taken away ...etc....but you have to stick to your word as well do not give in to tantrums...leave her to scream and cry on the floor if she wants and as long as she cannot hRm herself walk away and ignore the tantrum...the screaming....the more you react to the good behavior and ignore the bad behavior this should help.....these are just a few suggestions ...I hope they help...

I'm curious to know more about your daughter's behaviour. It could just be the 'terrible twos' or something else. It's hard to tell with toddlers. I work in a childcare centre with a toddler who was literally like the energizer bunny. She would be bouncing off the walls and never listened to a thing I said. I swear I have never seen her sit still. Even in her sleep she would be jogging. Some of the other girls I work with suspected she had ADHD but because she's so young it's hard to tell. Congratulations for being very honest. I understand it's frustrating when it's a constant battle with children. But you sound like you are trying very hard and for that you deserve a round of applause.