My 13 Year Old Daughter Is A Pain In The ***

First of all, I have 3 kids: daughter 13, son 11, and son 5. When I had my 2 oldest I was a single mother. My boyfriend left me while pregnant with my daughter. Then we got back together. When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, my daughter was 1 year old, he left me again. Their father is an absent immature father. He's never been around. He only sees the kids twice a year. I live in Florida, him in California. When my 2 oldest were 4 and 6 years old, I met my current husband and he's been the only dad they've known.
Fast forward to now, my daughter holds her absent dad on a pedestal and treats her step dad like crap. She treats me like crap too. She's not a loving daughter that likes to give hugs or says I love you. When I make the attempt to hug her, she has the most disgusted look on her face. I don't even recall the last time I kissed her on the cheek. She is the total opposite from my 2 sons, who are very loving and affectionate. She acts like she doesn't love me and it's hard for me to love someone that doesn't love me in return. I have 2 girlfriends that let the dad have custody of their child. They just didn't have that mom instinct. And I think I feel that with my own daughter. When my husband and I ask her questions about a sleepover or play date she had, she's always rude and short with us. When her absent dad calls on the phone, it sounds like she's talking to her best friend. It's sickening.
When I used to drive her to school, she'd get out of the car without even saying goodbye. When I pick her up she'd get into the car without smiling or saying hello. Now I make her take the bus.
My daughter plays volleyball, and when I come watch her games, she never comes up to me to say hello. She has time to say hello, because the boys play volleyball before the girls, so they have that time off. I see her friends going up to their own parents and I feel left out.
My 2 older kids have their biological dad's last name. I've been wanting to change it to the family name, but my ex refuses. Even though we were never married, or even lived together. I asked my children if they wanted to change it. My son says he would but my daughter refuses. I feel like she's such a traitor. I don't feel real mom loving emotions towards her. I think that she's rude, disrespectful, lazy, and only cares about herself. Even over Christmas, it was all about what did WE buy her. The only member of the family she's nice to is the dog.
If she's riding in the car with me, she never conversates. If we're at a restaurant with the family having dinner, she just sits there looking mad. If I ask her to do a chore around the house, it's like pulling teeth. Maybe the 5th time I yell, she'll start to make progress. I'm so sick of her. I don't know what to do.
KateyR KateyR
1 Response Jan 5, 2013

My story is 98% the same. I just came to the realization a few days ago that I hate my daughter who is turning 13 this month. Everything is a power struggle. Her biological father calls her once every few months and my husband who has raised her since she was 4 gets treated like crap. I can't stand her. She is lazy and disrespectful. Every member of our family she meets has nothing good to say about her. She constantly shames us and I think she enjoys it.