I Dont Know Where I Stand...

My daughter is 7. She used to be my best friend. I had her at a very young age (16). But lately I can't stand her. I love her but hate her at the same time. She doesn't listen at all. Every morning and night is a constant struggle with her. For hours. Nothing works. I've tried everything. Listenting, understanding, distractions, discipline, spanking. Nothing. I also have a 17 month old son who she wakes up or keeps awake with her bull **** tantrums. I can't even look her in the eye right now. It hurts my heart to think that it has gotten this bad. I had a break down just down. I'm not a person who is big on crying but right now I bawled my eyes out. I don't know what to do. I'm lost. I want to love her unconditionally and for the most part I do. I just can't stand her. She's a faker. Over dramatic. Help me.
An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 8, 2013

what worked with my children at that age was LINES. An old fashion concept. How this works is. Find your childs addictions first which may be favourite tv programme. sweets, going to her friends house ect. This takes minimum effort on your part and a lot of effort on hers. These days a kids worst nightmare is to have to sit down and write labourious repetative lines. So this is how it will work for you.

Get some lined paper with atleast 10 or 20 lines on each page. You write the first line on the top of the page. ie "I will not cheeck my mummy back" or whatever you feel applies. Pick your times to suit you and not her to do this. After school is a good time when her favourite tv programme starts at 6pm ect. Just say you have to copy mummy's writting, every line and so many pages and you do not get to watch your tv programme until it is done. I WANT EVERY LINE WRITTEN LIKE MUMMY'S AND IF YOU CHEECK ME BACK NOW IT WILL BE NOT JUST ONE PAGE BUT TWO. Put the page or pages in her bedroom with a pencil and rubber so that she does not have any exuse and say she could not do it properly ect.

You have a very calm and I do not care attitiude about it all. Only tell her once, make sure that you have the remote controll for the telly as then she will have no access to turn it on. When she comes to you saying she wants her programme on and tries a tantrum, just reply with where is your page with the completed lines on?? If it is not done -absolutely do not let her have the telly on and if she tries to interfere with what you are watching on your telly to upset you ect. put something on completely boring for her - so that she will not want to stay and watch it -- like the news or a political programme.

NO MATTER WHAT HER BEHAVIOUR STICK TO THIS THE FIRST TIME. After a few days she will realise that the consequence for her attempting to initiate bad behavior will result in her having to do a boring task or nothing happens.

Also make her read what she has written out loud. Also keep all her written work and if she continues after about a month tell her that you will take all this into her school and show her favourite teachers how she swears at her mummy. This also reflects on you as a good mum as you are showing in a real way that you are trying to disipline your unruly daughter.

I used this technique for a few years, it seems a long time but you will find it takes little effort on your part. Other areas you can use this is that if she is ready and waiting to go out and really wants to go out - to a birthday bash, swimming with friends ect. Use this the next day after she has been badly behaved. Say 2 hours before the planned exit from your house the consequences for her behaviour the next day or even next week. Date and time at the top of your page to explain to her clearly what she said and what she did. good luck

My kids is a tantrum throwing loser too. I've tried everything just as you have, but sometimes you have to cut your losses. Kids are a terrible burden, the worst gift God has ever given me.