I Hate My Four Year Old

I have a four year old son and a 4 month old son. My first son is not my new husbands. I've never had a bond with my first son but with this new baby I feel completely different I love him and love being with him. I feel like a crappy mother I actually cringe when I have to pick up my 4 year old son. I don't like him to be around me and I try to do stuff with him but its just hard because he's so bad. He's causing so much trouble in school. Me and his father had such a horrible relationship he was very abusive mentally and physically. He's not around at all and my new husband tries so hard with him. But he's not an easy child to love. I honestly don't think I'm the right person to raise him but neither is his father. I often think about letting his grandmother raise him. She loves him and wants him. I just don't want people to think I'm giving up on my son. He deserves love and to be happy. I just don't know what I'm suppose to do......
shamblin0928 shamblin0928
12 Responses Jan 21, 2013

just reading this old post. I hope the original poster is in a better place. I've very curious, for personal reasons, how things have progressed? are there any new developments? how are you all doing 3 years later?

please excuse the typos :-)

All you judging holier than thou a holes can stick it where the sun doesnt shine. You should never judge unless you have walked a mile in slmeones shoes. She doesn't want to feel this way. I am a wonderful mother and I feel it at times too. My sons father raped me and has been trying to take my son away since he was born but the courts view HIM as the victim. He to this day harasses me and stalks my husband (whom I've been married to since my son was 1) and has made all of our lives hell. And he can bc he has the money for good attorneys and is a sociopath and is good at convincing the courts of his crap. Go F off all you people who are being mean and negative. You don't knkw what you're talking about.

Please seek counselling with your son NOW!!! Your son is bad b/c he's unloved. Any unloved child would be bad. This is sad to the core. You are projecting the bad feelings towards your ex onto your son...an innocent 4 year old. MAN UP AND BE A MOM!!!! It's no about YOU!!!

Your son is a mirroring your unloving behavior. Please take a look here: http://truefeminismnaphtali.blogspot.com/2014/04/siblings-at-war.html

i hope this helps you.
God bless.

I have seen a huge pattern here where many of the women who have problems with their children, had a bad relationship with that child's father. Why do the kids act up? You think they don't sense you hate them? You started it, because you didn't want them since the moment they were born. How would you feel if your mom hated you because of your dad, you would become a problematic child as well. How would you feel if your mom got a new husband and had a child with this man, and wishes you weren't in that happy little picture? Think about the deep pain these children are in because they don't receive any love, and you are all they have. They know what love is, they see other children with their parents at school and wish their moms were as caring and interested in their lives. I know because I've been there. It will destroy your child's self worth, and he/she will find things to do to upset you because even that negative attention hurts less than no attention. YOUR CHILDREN ARE IN PAIN.


I feel the same , I have a 6 year old boy who hates me. And sometimes the feeling is mutual... I was in a very difficult place back then, his dad was a raging alcoholic who was abusive and physically attacked me on numerous occaisions, he took me to court yet wasn't interested in being sober to see him etc etc the courts said he couldn't see him. So I was stuck with a child I didn't want ... I was only 18 at the time ,with nothing and then this screaming brat that wouldn't shut up .... My mother looked after him for a while to help me out but after a while she said I had too bite the bullet n get on with it . But now he's nearly 7 andhe loathes me and I can't stand to be around him .

Thank you for this i thought i was alone it's so hard for NE and i feel like a horrible person

It is horrible to act the way you are. You need to see the positive in your son...go and seek counselling with your son to mend this dysfunctional bond. A child who knows he is unloved will act up to get any kind of attention from you.

Seriously, go to a doctor. Don't put it off by even a day, GO. That child is picking up on your love for his brother isn't the same for him, that's why he is acting out. Children SEE and FEEL these things. He could also be unable to express how he feels about his father, and acting out how he has seen people behave (ie-his two first role models in life). Don't take out resentment on him you have for his father. A child is a reflection of the treatment they have endured. Go. See. A. Doctor.

With your oldest boy atleast fake it if you cannot make it for some reason.. There will come a time when you look upon him and see nothing but pride and admiration. Then you will see "thats my boy", please do not let him know how you feel about him now. In the future he may be you pride and your joy. Give him daily hugs to make this happen!!

Me again, not to make light of this, you obviously love your boys. Why not try to make the best of the scenario, you keep your babies and get your graniiees invoved. I know it sounds simmple but first ask the grannies. they may think it s great idiea. Please try before you give upl

Really let your grandma have him. It will be a new lease of life for her and also you will not feel so overwelvmed... Plus, you can always see your boy, social services might not be so easy in letting you have access to your children. Treat your grandma really well. I am sure that she will love your kiddies as that what granniies are about. Lucky to have them stilll----. mine are long gone

ok just show your man alll this and ask him to take you to the doctor really he will help you and you will feel better. Please do this please do this please do this please do this

Have you ever taken time to know why he is so bad or acting strange or you are just lost in your new world with the new baby and the new man?. You hate his father but this boy is an innocent Angel and has nothing to do if the father was abusive or not.

I've tried so hard with him. I try to do stuff with him and love him. But he doesn't want any of it. I try to sit and do stuff with him but he doesn't want to do anything or he just throws a fit. I try to do mommy son things just me and him and it always turns out bad. I'm trying to fake it