I Hate My Son

where do i start? ever since my son was born, he's now 4 and a half, he has been difficult and awkward. Silly? nope not really, he has never liked affection, he doesnt like praise - he just turns straight around and does something naughty then laughs!, he has always been an awkward eater and is getting worse, he talks of violence and re-enacts rough violent scenes that i have NO idea where he gets them, he continually licks his lips and sucks his sleeves of his clothes (i had 2 get steroid cream for his sore skin around his mouth), he doesnt appear to understand that he upsets and hurts other children almost incapable of empathy, he greets me when i arrive home with a punch or kick ................. and so on and so forth ..........................

I cant live like this anymore. i feel that becoming a mother is the worst thing i ever did. i want him to go away although i dont want him hurt. i want my life back :(

wondey wondey
36-40, F
21 Responses Oct 16, 2009

Children are headaches. Sometimes I wish they never wake up

What an ordeal. I don't have any advice..but my daughter sucks on her sleeves too. Drives me nuts because she was ruining her clothes. I went to the pet store and bought a spray called Bitter Yuck. It's for dogs that chew on items like sofas..it's natural and safe and after I pull my daughters clothes out I spray the areas she chews on...it helps curb the habit

I understand your pain. I undoubtedly hate my kid. I want as little to do with her as possible. Mine is not as bad as yours, but mine doesn't like affection like a normal child would. Instead she throws a huge fit when you try to hug her or cuddle. I'll be posting my own story on here soon, but just know that it is nothing that you have done wrong. Children are horrible creatures that are just out to make your life as hard as possible.

O man, your story is so much like mine. All i wanted was to be a mom my whole life, i waited until i was settled into a new house and my husband could support me as a perfect stay at home mommy- but, as soon as he turned 22months he was diagnosed with a seizure disorder, then he started doing weird things, and he would laugh when i yelled at him, i could punish him and he doesn't care, he bites himself, slams his head against walls, kicks and punches, beats everyone up, he has no friends, nobody likes him (adults or children), he has a 3yr old brother and beats him up all day long. sometimes when he's not extremely angry at the world then he cries over everything, like not being able to find a coloring book or needing his pencil sharpened- it's horrible, as soon as he wakes up or comes home from school until the time he goes to bed he puts the whole house in an uproar- it's like he's just ruining the family! I bring him to counseling weekly and for pych evals and nuerologists but nothing helps, he's just horrible. i wish i could put him up for adoption.

Sounds like a form of autism to me, especially with the lip sucking and shirt sucking. Those are called stims. Please take him to a developmental pediatrician.

My 10 year old is the same as your son. (am I correct that he only punches you and not other children). He was a problem everywhere, especially school. (Many embarrassing expieriences) At first he had some school friends, young children are willing to forgive easily. He has since chased them all away with his bad behavior. (of course we are the town freaks and are pretty much blacklisted.) He just became de-classified this year in school. He finally behaves normally enough that he does'nt have to be marked as a freak anymore. He has empathy for himself and for kids that he likes. He tortures me, my husband and his siblings. I love him because he's mine and I feel sorry for him. I hate him too. He makes family vacations and outings hell at times. I hate him for making us the town freaks. Oddly, I am in the same boat as him. I am so lonely that I feel it in my bones and I know that he is too. So I guess the moral of this story is that one day your son will probably progess to be a normal functioning school child, and that I assume that both of our children will be able to hold down jobs and support themselves. But for now we are in a prison of our own making. The law says that he's mine till 21. I'm halfway thru my time. Don't try to overthink anything or blame yourself. I am sure in life you have met plenty of ********. In this case, you gave birth to one. ******** have always existed. Only God knows why. Here's a tip from the Fruitcake Lady of the Tonight show from many years ago "Some people are born ********. They live their life as ********. And then they die ********. There's no accounting for ********."

The simple answer is that he's spoiled. All of my nephews went through a stage like this at this age. They eventually come out of it but people already think so little of them that the kids suffer for a long time. The only nephew who didn't go through this phase was in my care for 9 hours a day. <br />
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He is smart and he is bored. Tell him that there are going to be consequences for his actions. If he hits you immediately and without a word pick him up and place him in time out. If he gets out or runs away start putting him in his room and closeing the door... Lock it if need be. Leave him as long as it takes for him to calm down (Because he will freak out if he feels like youre winning. You responding means he wins.) Make sure you bring him back out as soon as hes calm. When he's doing something good compliment him. even if he "doesn't like praise". After a while, if you're not reactionary- and he is disiplined consistantly EVERY time he has an issue. The behavior will end. <br />
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I'd also post a list of household rules at his level in bright colors. He may even rip it down several times... but it shows his what is expected keep it simple no more than 5 rules and not we dont do this Like "no hitting" is not a rule but "We treat everyone with respect" is.

i want to thank all of u who hav been supportive of my situation. a lot has happened since i first posted this story. my son and i are now both receiving specialist help as he has been diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder. i would also like to condemn those of you who were abusive or condemning of me. unless u hav been in this situation than i believe that comments such as sum i received were only hurtful and unhelpful. for those of you who are in a similar situation to me keep going on and on until u get the help u and ur child deserve. he is not better but i understand him better! and despite my despair at times i have always loved him xx

Many years ago when my cousin was little he was very hyper and his parents were abusive. He was only 4 and was acting out because of all he had been through. A friend would come over and hold him tight and curress him with a gental loving touch and tell him she loved him. while he fought , kicked and would bite. He would fight but she would not let go or quit. It took time but he eventually started telling her that he loved her and was always good around her. His parents were still horrible and when he got older they put him in a group home. When he was a teen he got a girlfriend from a loving family, he didnt like hugs or affection, but they never gave up on him. He got good reports from the group home but when his mother visited he acted up again, so he had to be restained, his gf and family had to work hard again.<br />
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He married his gf after they graduated and is a loving husband and father. He spoils his kids cause he hates punishing them. I concider him a good friend not just a cousin.<br />
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dont give up, hold him tight and continually let him feel love, not anger or negative emotions. He needs to know and feel how good love feels. It wont be easy and it will take time, but if you can do it without showing any negativity things really should change. And the more he has that the sooner the change can come. I have seen people do that with mentally challenged and handycapped children that act out and it calms them. Some dog trainers do that to dogs too. It does have an impact.<br />
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I wish you both the best.

It sounds like he might be Autistic. Shut the **** up and take him to a doctor.

I am 14 years into the same story here. My son has quadrouple diagnoses, one of which is in the Autistic Spectrum. <br />
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Today he was picked up by the police after skipping school and shoplifting.<br />
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LIFE IS HELL.... <br />
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~ I digress ~<br />
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You have my heartfelt sympathy, but don't give up on him.... if his mother doesn't love and support him,, then who will.. <br />
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( crying real tears )

I hate my son too. I ******* hate him.

I have often thought that he could be a little autistic, but then I tell myself that he's not. When he was a baby he never wanted to make eye contact with me. He always used to look at me from the side of his eye, for a quick second, and then look away. This sounds so weird, but I always considered it creepy and like he was possessed or something. It was certainly abnormal. <br />
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As he grew, I encouraged him constantly to look at me when he talks, or when I talk, and he know does it quite often. <br />
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He seems a bit like an eccentric child. He picks things up quickly. He is very good at drawing and includes all detail in his drawings. He is also very good at music. He can pick up a tune, and repeat it easily. He remembers the words for songs, as well as the beats - within ten minutes. <br />
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I had him looked at when he was younger, but the psychologist just said that he is very clever, and has no problems. I'm scared in case someone wants him to take medication. I don't want that.

I also have a son the same - nearly 5. When I punish him he says ''Haha ha! That was rubbish! You can't hurt me!'' he laughs at me, hurts his sister and plays on my nerves. I had cancer last year that I have just managed to get rid of, and the whole time I had cancer he was never better. I am scared that the stress will bring my cancer back. <br />
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Even when he was a baby, he cried a lot. He still cries a lot, just to try and get what he wants. I'm in a constant battle from morning until night. He doesn't eat. When I tell him that he is not having ice cream, he has to eat dinner first - he tells me to **** off then, and tells me he's going to bed. He is now iron deficient and deficient in vitamin D because he refuses to eat. He has constipation and has been like this for years now. <br />
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I've had enough and don't know what to do. I also have a 9 year old that is good. She is patient but is starting to despise him.

he sounds like a psychopath but i dont think that is the only side to the story..maybe you are abusive and demented and he needs counselling

please, please take your son to a doctor...do not let them brush you off. This is for the sake of your child, yourself and society. You love him, because you were brave enough to talk about it. We have visions of our children being these perfect bundles of joy and when they don't fit the norm, we want to turn away..please don't turn away. My thoughts are with you...

My friend has a son very much like yours..Please find help for him before it's too late.If left untreated his behaviors will almost certainly escalate into other things such as (pathalogical lieing,stealing,violence,ect..) My friend can't even enjoy a night out because NO ONE will watch her son.His favorite pass time these days is destroying other people's property as well as stealing other people's money (out of purses while other's are in the same room) Everyone says he is the next Ted Bundy.I think because he is so cruel to other children and animals..So please get your son some help..He's only 4 so there is still hope..As for my friends son as sad as it is to say.We will all see him on the National news one day...Best of luck..

I am in complete distraught to with my son. He could alsmost be your sons twin. He does all of the above and treats me and others terrible. I don't understand this as he has always been raised with two loving parents who have showered him with love and attention. He is taught right from wrong. But feels nothing is wrong when he does act out or upsets others. He will not do time outs, We have done everything from time outs and restrictions on toys Ect. He laughs and says whatever. Nothing ever phases him. He is involved in swimming and soccer. When he is praised for doing a good job or told keep up the hard work. I am truly at a loss with all of this. counseling has done nothing for this child either. Before anyone suggest that, been there since he was 18months. He is now 4 and a half. At this point I am ready to place him in a group home. <br />
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If he continues to act out with negativity, and his hitting he will end up growing up to get into serious trouble. We feel that this sort of structure would benefit him but the wait is long. I can't keep going on like this. He truly is a hateful child.

Hi im new to this site and I have just read your story. I also am having a similar problem with my 5yr old son. I don't know what to do also. He has recently started school and the school are struggling with him also. They suggested that I take him to the doctor whom would then refer him to see peadiatrician for further assessments to be made. Maybe it is worth you doing the same?? <br />
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All the best and good luck, remember you are not alone xx

Maybe he won't get better. I'm not trying to be a pessimist, but sometimes things can't be fixed. He's very young so you have a chance. Sounds like attachment disorder to me. I'm assuming he's yours by birth. Was he a premie and in the hospital for a while? Were you sick, incapcitated when he was born? Has he had a lot of caretakers? Any of these could have impacted his ability to form bonds and empathize with others. If yes (and maybe if no), you need to do some intensive attachment work. Read up on it and find a skilled therapist to guide you in holding therapy. I have an adopted son and we did a lot of this together. He's attachment disordered and very much like your son. The therapy helped, but we started later in life (6 y.o.) It was too late to turn him around much, but you may have a better chance. If something drastic doesn't change soon, it will be too late. Trust me, I know. My own son is now 17 y.o. and life is a hell few can understand. Sad thing...he's BETTER than he was! <br />
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Anyway, whatever the solution (therapy, foster care, murder/suicide LOL), move forward agressively NOW. Don't wait, don't keep talking about it or getting your family to understand. They won't, they can't. Trust your instincts and stop listening to others that say its you. Good luck!

He is in need of counseling. The lack of empathy that you have mentioned is frightening. All I took from this is that he is a danger to himself and others and this isn't something that just goes away with time- it only gets worse.