Hope I Could Change The Past

FROM BIRTH I HAVE ALWAYZZZ BEEN DEPRIVED OF WHAT EVERY CHILD IS ENTITLED TO.I REMEBER MY EARLY YEARS LIVING LIKE A DUMB AND A VERY QUIET GUY(I DIDNT EVEN SPEAK TO MOST OF THE PERSONS).THIS WAS ALL BCOZ OF MY THEN OVER TEMPERED AND HIGHLY RUDE DAD.HE ALWAYZZZ USED TO TRASH ME WITH BELT AND WITH HIS HAND AND ALWAZZ PRESSURIZED ME.ALTHOUGH I WROTE THIS USING SIMPLE WORDS LIKE OVER TEMPERED,BUT ONLY I KNOW WHAT EFFECT IT HAD ON ME .THATS WHY I TURNED INTO AN EXTREME CASE OF INTROVERT,NOT EVEN BEING ABLE TO TALK TO PEOPLE,WHICH IS ALSO THE CASE NOW.I WAS SUCH AN INTROVERT THAT I HIDED WHEN PEOPLE CAME AT MY HOUSE.THEN I JOINED THE SCHOOL WHICH WAS THE WORST PART OF MY LIFE .BEING SUCH AN INTROVERT AND A FEARED QUIET GUY,I ALWAYS BECAME THE TARGET OF ALL THE STUDENTS(EXCEPT A FEW).I WAS MADE FUN OF.I SLIPPED INTO EVEN MORE DEEPER EPISODES OF SOCIAL FEAR AND INTROVERT.TILL 5TH GRADE I MANAGED ,HOW I ALSO DONT KNOW.THEN CAME 6TH GRADE,A NEW GUY CAMT TO MY CLASS FROM MUMBAI ,WHO MADE MY LIFE DOUBLE WORSE.HE WAS HAVING HIGH ATTITUDE ,WAS VERY ARROGANT AND HE DIDNT LIKE ME EVEN FOR A SECOND,I DONT KNOW WHY?.MY BAD DAYS HAD STARTED .HE ALWAYS USED TO BULLY ME,PHYSICALY LESS BUT MENTALLY UP TO THE CORE.HE ALWAZZZ USED TO MAKE FUN OF ME IN MY CLASS,WOULD ALWAYZZZ CRACK JOKES ON ME,USED SLANG LANGUAGE AGAINST ME ,CAUSED SUCH A MENTAL TRAUMA WHICH PUSHED ME INTO SUCH LEVELS OF INTROVERT,THAT EVEN AFTER HAVING PASSED 12TH GRADE IM THE SAME UNPOPULAR DEPRESSED INTROVERT OF MY SCHOOL.THIS CONTINUED TILL 10TH GRADE.BY GODS GRACE ,I SURVIVED THIS DAILY DOSE OF MENTAL TRAUMA AND FINALLT HE CHANGED HIS SCHOOL AFTER 10TH.IN 11TH GRADE SAME THING HAPPENED .ANOTHER GUY WHO WAS ALSO IN MY CLASS DID THE SAME IN SCHOOL AS WELL AS IN MY MATHS TUITION.TUITION CLAssBEING SMALLER IN SIZE AND STRENGTH ,I USED TO SIT WITH MY HEAD DOWN AS AFTER EVERY ONE MINUTE HE WOULD MAKE FUN OF ME AND THE ENTIRE CLASS WOULD LAUGH AT ME.I SWEAR I STOPPED MY CRIES WITH A GREAT DIFFICULTY.BUT AFTER RETURNING HOME,IN MY ROOM I COULDNT CONTROL MYSELF. LATER THE CONDITION BECAME SO WORSE THAT I BUNKED MY TUITIONS WITHOY TELLING AT HOME IN ORDER TO ESCAPE THE HIGH MENTAL TRAUMA AT THE TUITION.FINALLT TODAY I AM A SEVERE CASE OF INTROVERT WITH NO SOCIAL CIRCLE ,NO FRIENDS.EVEN I DONT TALK TO MY CLASSMATES OUT OF FEAR OF REJECTION AND SHY NATURE.THATS WHY I AM CONSIDERED AS HAVING AN ATTITUDE.I ALWAYZ ASK GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE THAT I AM SUFFERING SO MUCH.WHEN I SEE MY CLASSMATES HAVING BIG FRIEND CIRCLES,GOING OUT FOR MOVIES,SPORTS ETC,MY SAME PAST COMES IN FRONT OF MY EYES AND I AM FILLED WITH A HIGH REGRET TO HAVE LOST MY PRECIOUS CHILDHOOD WHICH I MUST HAVE CHERISHED AND ALSO MY PRESENT WHICH I AM SEEING BEING DESTROYED BUT I CAN DO NOTHING.I AM VERY MUCH DEPRESSED AND THATS WHY I FLUNKED IN MY 11TH GRADE.HOPE I COULD ALSO HAVE A TRUE FRIEND WHOM I COULD SHARE ALL MY JOYS AND SORROWS.THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE OPENED MY HEART AND THAT TOO ON THE INTERNET AND I AM FEELING A LITTLE RELIEVED.HOPE SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS ME.
ARUNVERMA12 ARUNVERMA12
18-21
Dec 16, 2012