Forlorn Hope of a Hopeless Romantic

Its not the worst situation I could speak of...not by a long shot...Its really quite frivolous compared to many other dire circumstances, but it depresses me all the same. I was eating dinner at a restaurant tonight with my mother and two older siblings....a girl with red hair sat at a table just next to us...I was idly looking around and I glanced at her staring at me...she quickly looked away...I then began staring at her...she glanced back...and I looked away...then we stared at each other...neither one glancing away. The rest of the evening was filled with these really woke something inside of me that has not been active in...well....ever really .Eventually it got to the stage where we stared at each other for about a minute...I smiled at her...she smiled back and looked away again...the bill mom paid...and we left...I caught her eye on the way out...I waved...she gave me a smile of acknowledgment...and I...left...why is it always red hair?...sigh...why do I never act?.. I have had two failed relationships in the past...both of which ended exeedingly because of geography *she lived in argentina* the more recent one...for...well...other reasons. It really makes me sad tho. I just want to be loved and have someone to love. I want to feel affection and feel safe showing affection to someone that I really care about. I miss the companionship...I don't think I like being single very much...which is unfortunate...because I have been and will most likely continue to be so for a very very long time. I have got all kinds of inhibitions and fears about the way that I look have a girl...quite flagrantly imply that...perhaps I am not too ugly....that...perhaps there is someone that could show me romantic affection....and then loose it just like that.... I never spoke a word to this girl...I don't know her number or anything...I let a bright spark of fate snuff out by my own restricted will. This is going to chew me out for a while. I really just need to grow up...or grow a backbone....or both....hell, I usually bring unfortunate circumstances on my self by foolish action...this time it was foolish inaction...GAGGHGHG!...I am furious with myself!

forlornhope forlornhope
18-21, M
2 Responses Apr 1, 2008

I started reading this story and i was "wow, for a 16 or 17 year old you sure are using some big words that make sense" as i continued all I saw was me because it's happened to me b4 and have left me some untendered wounds. We all got issues with lif, but no one understands it more than the person dat's going through it. You couldn't understand how I really felt just as I can't put myself to really understand how ya felt but... yep

Well this is the story of my life as well. I completely understand where you're coming from. I lack the courage, but at the moment, I am working on the confidence that it will take to get me to where and what it is I truly want. I just have to stop letting moments, such as the situation you described, continuously pass by. From what I've learned so far in life, it seems fate is more of an opportunity rather than a forceful hand when it comes down to the direction of our lives.