Lack Of A Father Figure

Until recently, my dad had problems with alcohol. Sometimes, he would come to my dance recitals and my brothers's games drunk.At age However, he got help for alcoholism and has drank in over a year. At age six, I would only see him every couple of weeks despite him living ten minutes away.At age 10, my parents got divorced. Even as a child, he put himself above everything else. He would always try to get out paying for things like braces, my brother's tutoring (my brother has a learning disability), and leadership conferences that I was nominated to go by my school. I would understand if he didn't have very much money, but he is LOADED. He went and bought himself a $1500 plasma screen HD-TV but won't help pay for a car. I am 19 years old and hate bumming off rides from others. He also bought himself a new laptop ( he has two laptops now) but my brother's laptop ( which he needs for school) is about to break. What makes me so angry is that I am what other people call " a great kid." I don't drink or smoke, I make great grades in school and now college, and I am a virgin, and I go to church regularly and love Jesus Christ with all my heart. Other people adore me and think I will be successful. However, it is hard enough to have dad pay my tuition bills despite them being a small fraction of his income. Last December, my brother kicked my dad out of his birthday party because he refused to pay my tuition and told me how awful I was. He even sent a certified letter to my mom saying he was going to pay half of  my tuition and no more. My grandmother paid the other half but it still hurts that Dad did not want to pay my tuition. Also, he tried to kick my mom, my brother, and I out of our house. My mom and my dad ( my dad paid half of the mortgage out of alimony)  were supposed to sell our house after I graduated high school, but dad wanted to delay since of the poor housing market. His girlfriend who is pure evil encouraged him to sell it. The worst part was my dad wanted to kick us out in March. Since I go to school far away, I could not pack my own stuff. Fortunately my mom decided to buy the other half of the house, so mom protected us because we might have been homeless if not for that. Due to my dad and also a few other things, I have sought conseling, which has been quite effective, but my dad just keeps repeating the same behavior. I also can't his girfriend, who may be worse than him. I fear telling  my dad that I can't  stand her because the last time I said something  about her ( I called her picky) she tried to grab me and shoved my mom into a table at Thanksgiviing. Unfortunately, my dad picked her over me. Fortunately, I do have other people who not like my dad. My brother ( who is 21) has been my father figure since my grandad died when I was fifteen. My mom is also very supportive in everything I do. My granny will do anything for me. My youth group contains some of the nicest people I've ever met. I have plenty of friends at college. Most importantly, I have Jesus, who is the rock of my life. He has guided me through so many things in my life. Without Jesus, I would have ended up like a girl without a father figure often times does- gets pregnant early and gets married early and may not go to college. Instead, I go to a prestigous university wanting to become a pharmacist. Please give me some advice how to handle my dad.Although I am successful, I want to be able to get through to my dad that his behavior is inappropriate and hurtful.

orangelover91 orangelover91
4 Responses Jun 20, 2010

I feel you. Be strong. And let's not forget that the Lord is always with us, he will not let us face our problems alone. And for every situation that we are facing, I know that God has the brightest idea/reason behind everything. Godbless 😊

Many would read your story (BTW everyone has a story) and say, "Just move on and forget him", but the wounds you described will not go away until you effectively deal with them. What your Dad needs to understand is exactly the way you feel. How you really love him despite the choices he has made. How those choices have resulted in myriad of emotions, such as anger, hate, sadness, shame, etc... However, in order for this wound to be healed, you need to ask for forgiveness and to forgive him. Jesus was willing to forgive us despite the multitude of sins in our lives and salvation came at a time when we least deserved it. This is the place where your Dad is. He doesn't realize how deep your wounds are, he doesn't realize how he has caused so much pain, and he doesn't deserve forgiveness, but... we forgive anyway. Tell him you Love Him, Forgive Him, and that you will continue to pray that we can have the type of Father/Daughter relationship God intended for us to have. The Choice is up to him. <br />
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Give this burden to the Lord and share it with others and ask them to pray as well.<br />
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God Bless!

my dad isn't t he best role model to me either but if you talk to him alone maybe somewhere quiet and tell him all that you feel inside and how much pain you've felt maybe as a father he will understand if not completely a little. even my father is trying to do a little better. just talk to him

my best advice would be to try to share your faith with your dad, im assuming this could be hard but its always worth a shot.<br />
aside from faith you can also try to have a heart to heart with your father sitting him down and telling him the things you told this site. <br />
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im not a man of faith but i envy how you are, i never had my dad as a real father figure either growing up, or had any sort of religion. so i guess im jelous of the feeling people get from faith since ive never experinced it.