Long StoryThis is a rather long experience of mine, and I really appreciate it if you read this. Currently, I am a 16 year old student, and I must say that I am pretty much an average student. My father for some reason I don't know, cannot stand me. I remember very clearly that when I was 12, due to take a big exam at the end of the year, I expected my dad to show the support my mum gave me. Instead, he pulled me close to his face, glared at me and said, "If you don't do well, I am going to barbecue you and kill you and burn your papers to ashes."
At that point of time, i was absolutely terrified. So, I started to work very hard and when I scored a B for my mid year examinations, I lingered in the school toilet and cried for a long time. Realizing that it was dark and I had to go home, I did. When my mum saw me, she knew straightaway that I had cried and demanded for the reason, and I told her. That night, my parents had a big fight and at the end of it all when my mum was crying as well, my dad came into my room and said. "This is all because of you. Why can't you be like your cousin? You're so useless. Why do I have such a useless daughter? You. All because of you. See? We fight all because of you."
Another incident that still remains vivid in my mind, was the time when my mother was having a headache and went to bed early. I was watching television, absent-mindedly scratching at a mosquito bite on my leg. Suddenly, my dad violently grabbed my chin and turned me towards him. "You want to scratch?" he hissed, and used his fingers to roughly run them down my leg. The skin around the mosquito bite broke, and blood started to flow out. "Why did you scratch? Huh? See what happens when you scratch!" He growled once more. Then, he slapped me across the cheek. When I pressed my palm against it., my palm came of red and sticky. Crying, I ran to the bathroom and stared into the mirror. My right cheek was scarlet red, and it was bleeding. My father then came into the bathroom and glared at me as I turned to wash off the blood. Without a word, he snorted and stalked out. This incident happened when I was about 11 years old.
Up till now when I make a really minor mistake, or even commit an accident, (such as not managing to prevent a book from falling to the ground), my father will start swearing at me and use the F word, and say that I am useless as a daughter. Right now, the thing that somewhat scares me is, my dad has recently been diagnosed with cancer but instead of taking care of himself, he continues to smoke and eat unhealthily. My mum is worried for him, and I on the other hand, do not feel a thing at all - rather, all I feel is hatred. Total hatred towards him.
I believe most parents want their child to succeed in life, but I am not that sure if most will support their child in their dreams. My dad does not. My dream career is to be a zoologist. I love animals; I want to protect endangered animals and study them. My dad keeps telling me to study business, and threatens that if I do not, he would disown me. When I tried to argue my point, he simply said, "Animals are for hobbies. Not jobs. I know you like animals but to work with them...no." I am still contemplating the decision to just follow my dream and migrate to another country to study zoology...or, stay and perhaps study something else.
I take 9 subjects in my school, and my father thinks that if I study hard enough, I will ace everything. I am unable to do this, and at most, I score 4 distinctions with the rest being Bs. He is not pleased with this, and if ever I fail a subject, I would have to face his endless ranting about me being useless, not being a capable daughter, etcetra. Whenever he does so nowadays, I have to fight the urge to shout back at him, but I just bite my lips and fume in silence because I don't want my mother to be caught in this hatred between the both of us.
I truly believe my father hates me and likewise, I grew to hate him as well, with the way he treated me - and my mother - all these years. When I grow up and have children, I will NEVER do this to them because I know that children need strong parental support in order to be healthy, hearty and happy.
CherylT 16-17, F 11 Responses 2 May 6, 2011