I'm Just Not Sure What to Do.

My father and I have never had a very good relationship. Even when I was a kid around three years old, I would tell him I hated him. And this relationship only got worse after him and my mother filed for divorced. Now, years later, I don't think I can handle going to his house anymore. My step mother hasn't liked me at all from the start, and it is kind-of obvious that she doesn't like me because I remind her a lot of my mother.
I also feel like, the fact that my father takes enjoyment in verbally abusing me for the mistake I have made, has really dragged down my self-esteem and my interest to do well in school. Its taking my grades down with it.

I'm just not really sure how to tell my father that I want to stay with my mother and her new husband full-time.
Can anyone help me?

killerkelsey killerkelsey
18-21
14 Responses Apr 15, 2008

the common thing about all story's like this is ,there is people out there that would love to have kids .but cant have them,and there are those that hate there kids and should never have been given such a wonderful gift.

dude i know what youre going through. i have a similar problem. my immunity came from alwayse being scolded by him, so i developed a philosophy of is scolding the worst you have. my dad would never threaten physical abuse because i exercised to a point where i am stronger than him. and now he still scolds but i have hardened myself to the point that it doesnt matter anymore. "do what you want anyway hell scold" YA Whatever

I wish i could help. i wish i could so badly.

Hey I am sorry to hear about the hard time you are having with your father. I am having similar feelings with mine but luckily I am at the age where I can choose to have a relationship with him or not. I would like you to know that nothing your dad says about you is true, do not let his insecurities bring down your self esteem. He likely as is usually the case was verbally abused by his father instead of changing the cycle he has become like that example and takes his frustration out on you. Speak with your mom and let her know how you feel and hopefully she will agree that you don't have to see him anymore. Let him and his wife live in their miserable negative bubble. All the best

My mum and dad broked up when I was just a baby he didnt look after me and after my mum and dad finished he hardly saw me, Im now 14 and my dad is married to another lady and has two kids with her... its actually abit odd how my dad didnt want anything to do with me when I was younger and hes always with his outher kids

Well honestly honey you need to look at it from the stand point of how old your parents were when they had you. For example my one friend was born when her parents were 16 they broke up when she was 2-3 and since then she hasn't seen her dad or her little brother (dad took him and left). And recently his new wife has tried to contact her and says her dad talks about her and how he misses her so maybe it's just a maturity issue. People do change a grow a lot maybe the reason he is so attached to the new kids is because he may actually feel guilty about leaving you and just doesn't know how to reconnect. But hey that's just my two cents and it may not work in every case my dad was 42 when I was born (pretty adult if you ask me) and he still hates me oh well.

I know Exactly What your going through and i am truly sorry. I too am in the same situation. Parents devorced, step mom hates me and dad abuses me verbally and makes me feel like ****. Im not sure if what i did is right, but since we fight so violently (yelling), i end up walking out a lot. And now we dont want anything to do with each other. Weird thing is i feel great, and more confident. Im 17 so mabe i learned the majority of what i needed to from the man. Giving up isnt always the best choice, but its a choice and it could be the best. You just need to look at the effects your father has on you, and if the goo things out weigh the bad things<br />
Except now i need to take out a student loan for college :) - thats a real price to pay

I know how you feel but the thing is my mum has 3 other kids that are my step brother s and sister and one of my brothers are now 20 and still dosent have a job and my dad cant stand him.My dad can get so obgressive and abbusive cause he throws and breaks things he shouts,runs after ect. an it really makes me cry .my brothers no longer alowed in the house so he creeps in at night andeats his secret dinner but last night my dad caught him and they reall got angry,so about 12pm i was pouring out with scared sick!so if he and his wife really do get on your nerves say to your dad"can i speak to you"and just tell him every thing that is going on.<br />
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Good luck!:)

my dad's kinda the same :( today, he just started yelling at me because i do all my progects last munute! even wen i get an A+. i got so mad at him, i started yelling, and he threw sumthing. now my eyes are soo red from the crying, and 2morrow i will look hieos, cuz of my dad. :( and 2morrow's supose 2 be a special day! im going camping with my class! now, it'll be ruined :'(

i was just about 6 yrs old and my dad would abuse my mom so when my mom divorced him he would say sorry and she would never forgive him but now their friends nd hes alot more better. if ur dad does anything to you,you should tell your mom and tell him that you cant live with him.if he does anything i mean anything tell your mom shell keep you proteceted.

I wanted something from my father, we all do, especially as kids growing up. Mostly in my experience what I needed from him was for starters, to be nice. Basic I know, but damn it would have felt a lot better in my already chaotic life. There was a cruelty in him that I'll never forgive even thou I have come to a point that I understand it. It was like he derived pleasure out of being sadistic and stern. I never understood why, so like any good kid, I took it inside and assumed naturally that there must have been something wrong with me, something deeply wrong with my fundamental make up. Or at least thats the way it felt. I hear you KillerKelsey on how you feel about your dad being verbally abusive. Thats hard, especially if its day in and day out, or coming at you when god only knows when. It was hard for me to ever feel safe or welcome in my own home. The hard part also is feeling very trapped and unable to do anything about it. I would be careful with any advice recommending anything that suggests dealing with your father as if he WERE a rational, emotionally honest and reasonable human/dad. It would be nice KieDarling if confronting his or anyones dad or mom was an option, but in a lot of cases, most cases its not. Simply because neither parent is in a place to actually hear and take in what's happening. Parents like most people tend to be just as caught up in there own tragic drama as anyone. It also sounds like that in Killers case there is a long history of this, if as killer said it stared as early as 3. <br />
Killer your 16 ish or so, so the upside is that your initial sentence is almost up. Your almost out of the house. Do not involve the courts at this point. Doesn't sound like there's a need and it will only complicate things for you. Youve got enough going on right now and thats the last thing anyone needs. The other good thing is that YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. You are reading the situation 100% accurate. Everything your going through and feeling is real and its a credit to you and your intuition and intelligence that your speaking it, feeling it, asking for help, clearly your strong and honest with your feelings. So there is much about you that is beyond his reach. Said differently-all the crap he is throwing your way HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. Im SHOUTING at you to hear this! Your father like most people(including mothers) is clueless on the finer details of dealing with his life, his emotions, how to negotiate, how to express feelings etc...while you are light years head of him. So of course it all comes your way! The real ***** of it is....HE probably doesnt even know really what hes doing at all. So going to him for understanding and compassion, as Im sure you know, doesnt work. I cannot create awareness in people no matter how hard I try. I know people who have sentenced themselves to a lifetime of let down trying to get there parents to approve of them. WE DO NOT NEED THEM IN ORDER TO BE GIFTED SELVES.<br />
Its sounds hard for you right now Killer and for that Im sorry. Youv'e a lot of time to work out these details and even though it may feel at times that its really intense, just hang on to yourself and trust what YOU feel and learn to trust what YOU know. Hang in there and keep on going! Your doing good. Unfortunately your caught up in an all to common situation that happens between people-Divorce and all the **** that goes with it. <br />
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GOOD LUCK'<br />
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OccamsPhazer

Contact your mom to come pick you BEFORE telling him so.

I have the exact same problem<br />
except my dad doesn't have a new wife and I don't want to leave him alone but I want to live with my mom full time with my step brothers and step dad....the best times I ever had with family were with them and when I go to my dads he brings me down and I feel like I shoudnt even live enymore but I just think of all the good times I had and none off them were with my father......if I were u I would leave cuz at least ur father has a wife cuz if I leave he will hav nothing and I would feel terrible even though he verbaly makes me feel like I shoudnt live

You should be able to leave your dad via the court system. you have the right to say which parent you want to be with and why. no-one should have to put up with abuse. you're at a delicate age and need to feel nurtured and loved, Good Luck.

Wow I can really relate to this. My real mom died when I was very young and my dad remarried very soon after. My step-mom seems to match your description of your dad. We never got along. And my dad told me he didn't like me because i reminded him of my real mom. I have since then move out of my parents house, and honestly my relationship with my parents has greatly improved... <br />
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I think you should just be straight with him, and don't let him effect how you feel about yourself. PROVE THAT MAN WRONG! Don't feel down because I'm sure you are an amazing person. The greatest thing you can do is don't forget what he says... but don't base your life on it. Be a better person because you WANT to be. Thats what I had to do. I had to show them Iam not the person they were saying I was. and thats what you need to do!