Dear Dad, I Hate You
I hate you. I've hated you for nearly as long as I can remember. Let me count the ways.
I hate you for every time you attacked me vocally. You called me a loser, a nerd, a little *******, a rotten kid, a punk *** kid, a hypocrite, a drug using criminal, a Satan worshiper, and who knows how much else that I don't care to try to remember. You started me off to be a victim for my whole childhood. ****** is what the kids loved to call me, or just loser. You made me feel like I was worth nothing, like a piece of dog **** that no one could like. I was alone because you hated me first, and you made me hate myself.
I resent you for brainwashing me into your religion when you have been nothing but a hypocrite yourself. Everyone in your family knows you are full of ****, that you don't mean a word of what you preach. You preach to everyone you meet, but I know that the words may be all over your filthy lips, but they're not in your heart. You don't even know what love is, or forgiveness, or truth, and any god that would put you on a throne in paradise is a god that I spit in the face of.
I resent you for every time you struck me in anger. I resent you for every time you beat me for being hyperactive at church, hours later, after a terrifying ride home where I would beg God to make you forget. You never did forget, did you? How could you do that to a little child? You took out your anger on me, but I guess I deserved that, didn't I? I deserved to be hurt because I was a rotten little kid who needed to be beaten so that my soul would be saved, right? Right you self righteous ****?
I resent you for humiliating me about my sexuality, as you held me up against the wall by my throat and choked me out with one hand, threatening to make me stand out at the bottom of the driveway with my finger up my ******* for the neighborhood to see. Oh wait, that was what you threatened me with for giving you the finger when I thought you weren't looking. For doing anything with a girl, you said you would make me walk down the street naked to her house and apologize to her and her parents with my penis hanging out. No wonder the kids called me a ******* ******, I was absolutely terrified of my own feelings for girls and women. Hey, I still am, and the only women I've ever been with, with one exception, were the predatory kind who didn't care so much for me, as for what they wanted to take from me. I have a son out there who I have never seen because of that, because I've been too much of a gutless coward to actually talk to any girl I thought was attractive without triggering a panic attack, I had to settle for ***** and ***** hunters. You wanted to know why I have not "taken responsibility" for him? Because I would rather have had him aborted, or given up to a ******* orphanage than to let him be raised by me after what I've let you turn me into, and I resent myself every ******* day for that. I know now why I won't let me hang myself; because I deserve to be tormented by that for the rest of my existence, and death is too good for me. You would have been murdered by me a long time ago, if I hadn't judged the same thing for you. I came this close to going through with it too. In the moment that I lit your house on fire, I intended for you to burn down with it, but I panicked. I was gonna burn down your whole rotten family and spend the rest of my life in prison for it; that's how filled with hatred I am.
Finally, I resent you for blocking me from getting my absolution for that, by turning myself in. You were so quick to call the cops on me when you had nothing to lose from it. Your precious money is now, and always has been, more important than me. Well, I hope you realize that you're about to lose most of it, because I am turning myself in for that arson, and you are gonna lose the whole settlement from the insurance on your house. That's right, it wasn't arson insurance you had, was it? You made sure to check that out when you tried to make me promise never to speak of this to the police.
Enjoy it while you can, because soon the wolves are gonna be on your doorstep to take the only thing that matters to you more than your miserable self. And by the way, have a nice day you ******* piece of ****.