I Used To Hate ..but Now I Have No Feelings At All!

As a young child, my dad seemed quite normal, played football together, did stuff ,sledging ,snow balls etc.
As i grew he changed, i realized my mother held the house together, she did all the work, all the chores the cooking.
Dad did nothing , he gambled all the money, had all his friends round , our house was more a community house.With my mother playing host, making food , serving drinks.While my father, and his very strange friends would spend all day and night doing various kinds of drugs in our house!
Playing music, badly ( his friends were very good musicians he wasn't) he could write, oh he was a great writer, but musically no!
THEN the craziness began, he became convinced he was JESUS CHRIST...reborn..What a nightmare for a 8-10 year old child (me).
He was convinced, the strangeness intensified , drawing crosses on the walls of our house , in melted wax..telling me he could walk on water.The years passed by, he would wake me at 3am mid winter, and take me for a walk in the park , until sunrise, throwing knives at trees . I remember i was about 13/14 and he came to my school in a rage, asking for me threatening everybody he met, saying he was going to kill me ( i had heard it many times before). I was rushed away for my safety, mum and dad divorced, he smashed our house to pieces , destroyed everything!
Mum and i moved, he followed, the threats continued , we got a restraining order , 4am phone calls "i'm going to kill you and burn your house down" One night he came round with his big dog...tried to kick down the door..i opened it he burst in...'get your F"****G Mother
i think i was 15 maybe...ENOUGH! ....I picked him up and threw him out...get the F***k out and don't come back you F*****G IDIOT!! sometime around 1985 ish
We never spoke again..he died in 2009 i think...i used to HATE HIM ohh god i hated him...but eventually i just felt nothing... i now have 3 daughters...and i am the best dad i can be ... no drama ..and as sane as.. well me!.my dad was a waste of space, but he tought me without ever knowing, how to be the best dad i could ever be.....i am a dad and i love it! x x love you girls xx
Englishgent1970 Englishgent1970
36-40, M
1 Response Apr 28, 2012

I guess he was mentally ill, think he like that so you can manage better your past fellings.

yes he had issues that's for sure...drugs are the ruin of many a poor man !