Ambivalent Relationship To My Dad

I remember how much I loved my dad when I was younger. He was like a cliff for him and a role model. He was strong, responsible, trustworthy and had a good self-esteem. In many ways the opposite of my alcoholic mother. Then I became teenager and found out who he really is. He's very capricious and have big mood swings. He is stubborn and wants the last words in every argument - he's always the one who's right according to him. He doesn't seem to respect me because of the way he acts towards me. He shouts at be, make fun of me in a sarcastic way by laughing at me or using hand signs and sometimes he even pushes me. He tells me to shut up almost every day and things like "you only want to hear yourself speaking" and "you never listen". He really cross my limits.

Sometimes he speaks nicely to me and tell me that he loves me. In these situations he makes me feel vulnerable and happy. Other times he makes me feel depressed and lonely. I know his behavior will stop when I move out and i'm looking forward to that, but I can't take it anymore. It's getting worse and worse every day. I think the world is a bit unfair. My mum is an alcoholic and my dad is - i don't have any word for it - Why can't I rely on any of my parents?
rikkegade rikkegade
18-21, F
1 Response May 6, 2012

You've taken this story straight out my own mouth mine and your dad are alike, i suggest you speak to him and tell him about how sad and lonely hes making you feel. tell hi about your childhood and whats bothering you sometimes i do this to my dad and i works for a while but then he comes back but if it makes you feel happy when hes happy i suggest you do what i do.My dad always makes fun of my face and it feels like hes sometimes hes say get plastic surgery but i stick up for myself once i was scared of him but then i gained some confidence i don't know where from tho and i screamed at the top of my voice shouting at him why was he so mean and he didn't speak to me for a while but i liked it that way now when ever he mocks me i speak up for my self and well when he mocks my face i turn it around and try to make him see that no ones perfect, once he gave me a massive speech because i had a spot and i gave him a massive speech because he did to. And if he tells you to go away do what i do stay put. Good Luck ;)