No Love </3

NO matter how hard I try I will never be good enough in his eyes, I know what he thinks of me and to be honest it hurts. I don't know anything about my dad and he doesn't know anything about me, he doesn't even want to make the effort, we don't really talk to each other but if we do it's never nothing nice to say, and the saddest bit is that we live in the same house, and have done all my life, I should know what his favourite food is, I should know what his favourite colour is, I should know the basics of him but I don't. I don't even have a good memory of him.
He doesn't have any patience and he's quick of flying his fists around, I've been that person behind them and so has my mom. he's ripped her hair out, bit off her ear off, smashed her head off of things, strangled her, thrown her down the stairs, the really serious one was when he punched her in the face, broke her jaw and sent her flying down the stairs, I've had chairs thrown at my head, thrown down the stairs swung round by my hair and slammed up at the wall, there's been knives flying and I've jumped in the way and had to grab it off him and locked him in the living room, my mom locked herself in the bathroom, and the police were phoned, he spent the night in a cell but that was all.
Me and my mom have always been close, me are like best friends and we do everything as a team, she's my role model and i love her deeply, but couple of weeks after that incident she wasn't really talking to me, and it felt weird between us, i asked her what's up and she told me that my "DAD" blamed me for the arguments they have and that its my fault as to why everything  happened, and she shouldn't listen to me, he was trying to take her off me, make her turn against me, leave me with nothing.
I was going through a really bad time at school as well, we moved house so i had to change schools and because i was the new girl, I had no one, and i got bullied by everyone. for 3 years I had kids calling me names, throwing me to the floor and kicking me, pulling me hair, getting things to stab me(pencils, sticks) scratching me making my arms and back bleed, i physically hated school, i would cry and make out i was ill not to go, school was like living in Hell, I would walk around on my own, sit on the benches and watch other kids, no one would even speak to me. i was alone at school and at home. in the end i Hit the main bully and they left me alone after making his nose bleed:) 
My dads in Hospital at the moment, he has to have a spinal operation and i don't feel sorry for him, i went to go and visit him twice he tries to make me feel sorry for him but i don't,and he made me look like an idiot in front of everybody and kept jumping down my throat, so i ended up sitting there in silence thinking to myself i hate you so much and you deserve everything that happens to you.
I cant wait to get out of here, I hate him so much, I have always said I'm going to make it big and move to Australia and he said I'm being stupid and i will never get there, i just said you just wait and I'll prove you wrong, I'm taking my mom and leaving you on our own.

AimeeOx AimeeOx
1 Response May 9, 2012

thats insane!!!!!!!!!!im so sorry, my dad abused me too, but my mom didint know about it, because i would visit him. i told my mom, and i stopped seeing him... the fact that you cant get out of it as easy makes me want to cry, and my heart goes out to you. please message me back, im 14, how old are you? Btw, my name is ramie, and for some reason people think im a guy, but i can gurantee im a girl.