I Hate My Dad I Wish He Can Just Sleep and Never Wake Up

There are many reasons why i hate my dad

1) he never understands me

2)hes an *** hole most of the time

3) I try to make him happy but his just a plain *******

Today i was sick im still sick now and I was planning on cleaning my room but obviously i couldnt because im sick. So anyways my room is a mess and he starts yelling me he decides to tear down everything in my room that was clean giving me more stuff to clean. Then he pours all my things on the floor so right now my room is like really dirty. I can understand why his angry but he just went across the line. Ive always hated him because he made my life miserable and its not like as if he was around most of the time. Sometimes he makes everything so horrible for me i cut myself. Sometimes i feel like i want to hurt him. If i had known that some one like him was going to be in my life and i had a choice i would choose to die. I HATE HIM. i even told him I hated him today.

MorganBurke MorganBurke
2 Responses May 31, 2008

My disclaimer.<br />
None of what I say is advice or instructive on a professional level.<br />
Just sharing my own thoughts, memories and feelings on my life.<br />
<br />
Morgan/or others.<br />
<br />
My dad sounds like your dad in some ways. I remember one time I left a pair of socks on the living room floor, no big deal right? Apparently it was a big deal. It wasn't just a lecture, it was an assault meant to decimate the core of me. Even without hitting me, that time, his words cut threw me like a blade. Their was a cruelty to his tone, some axe he wanted to grind on me...<br />
Looking back on it, even after years I feel it and remember the menace in his body. I was terrified of him. Even tougher was the simple fact that I was a kid and I really needed, like every other kid, some one who was on my side. You know, a little help. The kind of help that would take the edge of life at times and allow me to be a little more free in my spirit.<br />
But nope. I . Like you. Got the d.i.c.k head dad. Go figure. And what sucked for me was that he made my life a particular kind of hell. It was hard for me to relate to anything "normally" because dealing with him and her was a killer and such a heavy weight on me. He was silent cold or a screaming dictator. I was always walking on egg shells, looking for scraps of mercy here and there. Don't dare ask for anything because it just required so much begging and lectures that it just wasn't worth it. The was no such thing as a rule because he got pissed off at anything under the sun, I mean there was no way to figure it out, he was a control freak.<br />
Im not sure how popular the belt is these day's but they sure as h*ll were popular in mine. So i had that working against me too...whew I gotta take breath...just talking about it is deep...but good to know i survived with all my spirit, guile and cunning. I did what I had to do to get out alive. We all do, but all different.<br />
Careful thou Morgan with hurting yourself. I hear how much you want something from him that he's not giving you or even acknowledging. It sounds pretty ****** to be honest. But most people, that includes parents, are very ill instructed in a great many things and un-conscious in key area's of awareness. They don't even know their being idiots. So reasoning with them is impossible and just plain aggravating. I mean what kind of reason is "because I said so?" Seriously, If I talked to my friends the way he talked to me. I'd have none.<br />
So if all the rules are his rules and he seems to make them up whenever he wants then Im going to lose no matter what. There has to be justice! There was! I broke into our neighbors houses, turned into a vandal, hit mail boxes with bats, got into fights, got record amount of detentions, stole a moped and went to jail but got out because it never got reported stolen, quit lots of jobs, got fired from more jobs. Long story short- I put a lot of work in trying to get that damn man to notice me.<br />
But he couldn't. He did not know how. Few do. <br />
But you will know, because you already know its not right and that maybe there is a better way, a Morgan way of doing things. But for now it his way and that sucks but thats because they will always say because its MY HOUSE, MY RULES. So for now till you do get out just take care of yourself and do the best you can, keep questioning what's happening around you and use it to learn and teach yourself for the rest of your life. They will not have a hold on your forever unless you let them. Who knows. Maybe the relationship will even change one day for the better. Maybe not. Trust your intuition and keep sharing your story. It was good to hear. Hard to hear. But good...<br />
It may take you some time to figure some of these things out. But give yourself that time. <br />
In the meantime just know that your reading everything right, your 100% dead on the money. Your the sane one reacting in a sane way to an insane situation. Its hard to know but its true. <br />
It takes risk to share your story and it takes risk to share some of mine. There is also power and strength in the words of the story's and both have blessing and curse. Its hard trying to find the gift in the sorrow, but worth it.<br />
You have gifts, things that give you peace, sorrow, pain and joy. It never stops but it will change and with change comes the slow awareness that life is not vertical in how we grow, but horizontal.<br />
Quoting one of my mentors. Still not entirely sure what he means. But more so...<br />
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Keep on going Morgan!<br />
<br />
Best,<br />

How incredibly sad. Unfortunately we don't get to choose our parents. Hang in there, soon you will be out if that house and hopefully things will get better.