I Hate My Father

One of my earliest memories is of being in my mums arms, and her crying uncontrollably, we were locked inside our bathroom and my dad was shouting outside the door. He had a legally held hand gun and was drunk, and was telling my mum to come out so he could shoot her in the head and then shoot me in the head. Following that, I had a gun held to my head when I was about 6, I was verbally abused every day, and everynight I used to sit quietly outside the sitting room door and listen to my mum and dad scream and shout at each other and my dad beat her, then listen to her cry. I remember one day finding a letter she had written to a problem page when I was about 11. It broke my heart. Years of beatings took place, on my 9th birthday, I remember watching my dad punch my mum straight in the face, and knocking her unconscious. He had broken her nose, and wouldnt let me call for help. I thought my mum was dead - I didnt know any better. THe worst part tho, was because my dad abused us all due to his alcohol addiction, my mum was at the end of her tether and beat me and my sister viciously. I think its fair to say I am pretty messed up - I have been struggling with depression now for about 6 years, on meds for 3 and just started counselling. Up until then I had never told a soul. Even now I feel so much better for just typing this out. I no longer live at home, I moved out after a hige row where he told me I was a fat slug and a paracite. and I cant bring myself to speak to him, even though I am polite to him when he picks up mums phone. I am due to get married next year, and I dont want my dad to give me away, and I certainly dont want to dance with him. However, I have to invite him as my mum has stuck by him and continues to do so. I dont have a grandfather anymore, and only one uncle who is just as bad as my dad. I know my mum is going to make a huge fuss if I dont let him give me away. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I had someone else as a father - would i have been normal?? lol xx

chickenlicken chickenlicken
26-30, F
18 Responses May 7, 2007

Has humanity always been like this? I am 17 and I do not like my father very much. I can say that I have planned his assassination a couple of times with me as the assassin. I never carried it out though, but I know that my Mom made him get life insurance and I do not want to waste the money by killing him myself. Should I attempt to make an "accident"?

I do not know what I should do but I hate my Father and I am extremely relieved when he is out of the house. If its just my Mother , sister, and me we are very happy, but when my father comes him the happiness evaporates since he complains and is verbally advise. He has beat my mother and me and my sister before.

Don't stop going to counselling, even if you think you are better. In my experience, we carry these abusive behaviors into our marriages. I am struggling with this right now. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing your story and remember that the things they said to you (and did to you) were wrong. Don't repeat those awful things to yourself (that you're a "fat slug and a parasite") or anyone else. Don't continue to abuse yourself when they are not around (Don't know if you do this, just commonly happens). Hugs!

I'm sorry you've had to go through all that, it must have been horrible. I can relate to a lot of what you talked about, and I was wondering if we could connect over email and perhaps share some thoughts and experiences. I would really appreciate it, and I think venting about it could be good for both of us.

About 20 mins ago my father was beating mum in the kitchen I tried to stop him but he slapped me really hard and continued to beat my mum , my mum is on the other room right now
I can hear her crying and I don't know what to do
Im sixteen and I really hope that I will have a better future like you

I honestly havent gone through half of what you have but im pretty sure my dad is bipolar and my mom has gone through the same thing as a child including sexual abuse and now after all that my dad did to her physically, emotionally, mentally, and even financially i can REALLY see how that has affected her i obviously dont know the entirety of your situation, but if you think you can next time something like that happens report it. Call 911. Not infront of him obviously. He may threaten you about it but the truth is once he is in jail he wont be able to ever hurt you or your mom ever again. Please try to do this to help both you and your mom and any other family members
I hope things get better :)

my dad has gotten a knife His BBgun and he thinks he could pull it out on me for pete sake I I I I am compared my dad mom play favoritism i am sorry for u i felt the same way banging on the door i was in the shower luckily

So sorry to about what your father has don to you

i don't think anyone really can be "normal" but with a different father things could have been easier :(

CONGRATULATIONS dear, This is about you and your future which you have to safeguard and take no chances.<br />
It may be a good opportunity to disconnct from your past and build your future with our traces of such past. Every person deserve healthy and happy family relationship, yet hate and memories of your past will not help towards that obective and it is always huge risk to compare attitutes and put your marriage at risk.<br />
<br />
Map your course and escape from all.<br />
Best of luck sweetie.

I ask you to keep forgiving him for what he does to all of you, he gets the sin and you get the bless, our existence in this world is to struggle and each one of us have his own struggle but in different way, God Almighty bless you for your patient.

my dad abuses me sometimes too. My mom is always there and i just can't tell to many people because i dont want to get taken away from my mom. By dad also is an alcaholic and i say to myself i want to take a knife and stab him. I have therapy (LOL) but sometimes theres no other way to get rid of all that anger inside you.

that's scary. I feel really bad for you and your mum. My dad used to beat me everyday. My neck and head hurt really bad then, And ever since that one time when he was on meth, he twisted my ankle and then I limped everyday back then. I couldn't run from him any more like I did. Luckily I am safe away from him. Me my sister, mom, and all relatives, left him, and Im glad.

girl it is like you living my life but my dad also smokes

It's your wedding, your special day DON'T let him take that away from you. And help you're mother, she seems torn apart by you're dad. To be honest someone like that deserves to be in prison.

My dad issues are not as extreme as yours by any measure, but I do know what it's like to feel abandoned, mentally abused, and depressed because of my dad. My advice, keep him out of the wedding. Your mom needs to see how much he hurt you, and how much she is continuing to let him hurt you. You don't deserve to have the best day of your life be turned into the worst. I hope you find the strength and bravery to make the best decision for YOU, not for your mum.

Thank God you found someone to make u happy..and I know this is old but did u let ur father give u away??

Remember one thing. You are going to remember your wedding day FOREVER too! What kind of memories do you want to have?

I can relate to a degree, although i never had a gun near me, we were always told that he would lock us in the house and put it up in flames. I HATE your father too, for what he did!! Like rcrisp said to hell with your mom's opinions regarding your wedding, it is YOUR day. Do you have a good friend who could give you away? Who even cares if it is a man or a woman, it should be someone who LOVES you and your father does not know the definition of the word!! ENJOY your day, find someone you love to give you away and if your mother cant handle it, send her a tape of the wedding, she doesn't need to be there if it is going to stress you out!!

I can relate to a degree, although i never had a gun near me, we were always told that he would lock us in the house and put it up in flames. I HATE your father too, for what he did!! Like rcrisp said to hell with your mom's opinions regarding your wedding, it is YOUR day. Do you have a good friend who could give you away? Who even cares if it is a man or a woman, it should be someone who LOVES you and your father does not know the definition of the word!! ENJOY your day, find someone you love to give you away and if your mother cant handle it, send her a tape of the wedding, she doesn't need to be there if it is going to stress you out!!