My Dad, The Monster Inside Me

If I could say anything to my dad.. without fear.. id say
"You shut me down, never listen to me, threaten to hurt me, make me feel like I will never accomplish anything, or make you proud.. don't act like you've changed. you're still the low life piece of **** you were when my older brother had to deal with you..
**** you *******..I hate you."
as a child my dad would hit me, threaten to beat the **** out of me.. and it remained this way until he was struck by a WWII airplane at the reno air races, leaving my dad crippled, losing his right hand, and the ability to use his left. I saw this as a sign, I thought to myself "maybe hes being given another chance to make a better relationship with our family.. so we can be happy.
this was true... for about a week...
then he started acting even worse, he may not have been able to touch me but he sure spoke his words loud and proud.. always shutting me down every time I spoke.. I try to be an adult and have a normal conversation but every time I try he cuts me off saying "SHUT UP AND ******* LISTEN BEFORE I COME OVER THERE AND BEAT THE **** OUT OF YOU" He wont let me explain myself.. he never lets me talk.. he just always assumes I have an attitude, or i'm talking back when I don't at all.. I can't please him, I have straight B's and 1 F.. because math is hard for me.. and just because of that he says im never going to amount to anything, that i'm stupid.. and im not going to graduate.
he makes me feel so worthless.
always calling me fat.. and calling me a pig.. as if my issues wernt bad enough wit my self esteem, I can't even keep food down... I always spit it out after chewing it.. have to wear under armor to look skinnier.. starve myself. 
hes a piece of ****. I wish I could leave 18 and I told him i will leave if he doesnt want me here.. all he said is im a ******* idiot because I cant survive because I dont have a  job or car.. and im still in school
I'm trying to get a job... for the last 4 months my life has been nothing but job interviews and applications..
all I want is for him to listen.. and stop trying to make me feel like such an animal.. like im a worthless piece of **** all the time.

Winniebear Winniebear
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 2, 2012

Some parents is like that even my dad he abandon us when i was 6 years old and never helps us i was educated thanks for the help of my Aunt who does not have a kid on her own and i was taken and move with her and treat like their son till i grow up she but my own father never think about our welfare and never even think what our situation so now i never even talks or see him he is still alive but no one from our family cares only our mom we do everything we can because she keep us intact and try her best to do things.I am sure when you have work and earn a living your dad will regret what he did to you and why he does not bother to show love and care,i really hates people treat anyone like that,i cannot do such things not even imagine i can hurt those people who are my blood relations and let them feel bad.Well i think a lot of good things will come to you so never feel bad and im sure one day he would regret that just like my dad,