I Can't Believe He's My Biological Father.

My dad has serious issues. He's rude, sexist and thinks it's just fine and dandy to be that way. He belittles me often, thinking that I'm dumb as rocks just because I was born female. I try to defend myself as calmly as possible when he does this, but he just starts yelling at me because he thinks I have no right to "talk back" to a man.

Even though I'm going to college for a hard science degree (my own decision, without any encouragement from him) and I have 3.6 GPA, he thinks I fail my classes. He's hinted to me that he thinks I should just drop out and marry my boyfriend. On top of that he's also insinuated that he expects me to give him the money from my college fund if I do so. (which he would probably use to buy himself another fancy car that he doesn't need)

If I try to tell him about my classes he disregards me and ends up going on and on about himself. When I get upset that he doesn't know how I'm doing in school he blames me for not telling him anything.

Recently he called me pathetic when I was trying to defend myself in argument he started because I forgot to turn my phone on after class. He has fits over the tiniest things that could be fixed if he just communicated politely to my mom and I about them. My mom is a saint, but I have no idea how she stays married to him... She's been through divorce before (it was before she met my dad and had me) so I guess she just feels like it's not worth it.

The worst thing about him is that he's basically just a narcissistic brick wall with a mouth. If you try to communicate anything to him he will but in and go on and on about himself and what he thinks without letting you get in a word. If you DO get a word in it goes right over his head- either he's painfully stupid or he just doesn't give a damn. It's impossible to talk to him, and that just makes the problem worse.

I have to say that I'm happy he's not physically abusive to my mother or I (though he has threatened to hit me several times when I've tried to defend myself in an argument). As I get older I realize more and more how mentally abusive he is. I have had low self confidence and social anxiety since I was a kid, and I feel like he's partially to blame. He rarely ever talks positively about other people, which I noticed as a kid made me look at all people as untrustworthy and bad. I'm glad I learned better and became a caring person like my mom- however, I am different from her in that I'm not going to put up with his bullshit to keep a relationship with him.

I love being able to live with my parents, our house is nice and spacious and I my mom and have a wonderful relationship. But I really, really want to move out just because of him... I hate it so much, I can't stand hearing his voice or even hearing him walk around the house. Both my mom and I are happiest when he's gone. However, moving out would be horrible for me because I haven't been able to find a job and rent is atrocious here (500$+ per month for a crappy quality studio).

There's many worse daddies out there... I'm still a very lucky girl despite this... But it still hurts knowing that my father will never respect me even though I'm hard working and successful. I used to look up to him when I was a kid, now all I feel for him is loathing and sadness.

I just don't know what to do- If I tell him how I feel it'll either go right over his head or make him take action on one of those threats to hit me. I wish he would leave my mom and I and let us be happy without him.
pbubblegum pbubblegum
2 Responses Dec 5, 2012

I'm sorry you've had to go through all that, it must have been horrible. I can relate to a lot of what you talked about, and I was wondering if we could connect over email and perhaps share some thoughts and experiences. I would really appreciate it, and I think venting about it could be good for both of us.

Omg...i can relate to ur situation so well...we're in the same boat dear...my dad's an immature being too who just cares abt himself...
i'm in science (all due to my moms encouragemnt and not him at al) and i'm soo not dumb but he always has treated me like a child...never encouraged me so i have no self-confidence and have turned into an introvrt...also in my case he abuses my mom...i'v seen my moms bruises...i tried standing up to him in favor of my mum but he jst said mean things to me and instead blamed my mum for filling my head with ****...my mom has been putting up with his antics all her life...and he expects me and my sibling to do so too...i wished my mom would've left him decades ago...and recently its been so mch dt i remembr thinking 'i cant believe he's my biological dad'...unfortunately he is & i'm ashamed to call him my dad...
i've stopped talking to him since months...i want to move out as soon as i graduate and get a job...bt dont want to leave my mom alone with him as i'm afraid he might destroy her completly...
this has been goin on all my life and now its starting to realy affect me...i cant live a normal life...i'm restricted to go out...when i do its only when i have a proper reason which he approves of...and when he's not home my mom has to keep me in check...my grades are dropping fast...i need help...
Sorry it was too long.. Bt pbubblegum's post made me think of all the repressed feelings i have had since childhood...nd i'm a little relieved i'm not alone in this...:)