I Hate Him So Much It Makes Me Sick.

I do try to change myself and be there for her all the time, i just dont know what else to do.

Thanks a lot

it does not give him the right to beat her. every child is a gift from God to his/her parents and they should treasure them. shame on him.

Darn right!

My mother knows that im sufferring but cant do anything seeing as shes pregnant and also suffers from severe depression. She needs to have an abortion as soon as possible because her health is getting worse everyday. Plus she uses pills that are meant to help her cure from depression which will surely affect the baby. She had tried to move out to her family but he went and made a big deal out of it, he forced her to go back home. She tried divorcing him but he threatened her of taking us with him and not letting her see us.
I do hate myself so much, i truly hate who i am now, i stopped taking care of my blood sugar because theres no point of trying. I cut once and realised that he was not worth it so i stopped, but whenever he yells at me, hits me of offend me infront of my family and friends i start shaking uncontrollably and try not to cry infront of him not wanting him to think that im weak, i remain quiet and look up not saying a word. He slaps me and tells me to answer him but if i did he would beat me up and tell me to shut up.
I have no one to talk to, thats the main reason why i started looking for such websites. I need to let it out so bad. Your comment did make mefeel better though knowing someone haf gone through the same thing as i did do thank you a lot :).

Hey, I really wanted to message you again because it seems like you really need a friend and that's why I've joined this site. To make friends and become one to a few myself. It seems like your mother has a lot on her plate already and so you have the responsibility of now becoming your own parent and taking care of yourself. Something else I am very familiar with. In that case I am going to tell you what you must do and please HEED MY WORDS CAREFULLY! THIS SITUATION WILL NOT BE FOREVER! You will get through this. Maybe not today or tomorrow but some day and for the rest of your life you will be able to leave and do whatever you want! BUT what you do today WILL affect you forever. Not taking care of your health or hurting yourself will stay with you and it will be YOU who has done it to yourself. STOP LETTING HIM HURT YOU. There are somethings that you can not stop and not control in this terrible situation but there are certainly things that you can. Not taking care of yourself is his ultimate triumph in this sick twisted game. Not loving yourself is his ultimate goal and hurting yourself is basically doing his job for him! Don't help him! Fight him! In telling you that I'm also telling you to sometimes fight yourself. You now carry him with you. He is that voice in your head telling you that you don't matter and that whatever you do doesn't count. His voice is disguised as your own but these are not your words or feelings. They are your father's words that he has implanted in your head. You are so young. You haven't even found yourself in any real way yet. You have so much to experience and do and understand that there could be no possible way to even know who or what you are yet. Forget about him. I realize this is the hardest thing to do right now but you must! What you need to start focusing on is YOU! Paying attention to what he is doing and thinking, no matter how painful, only takes away from you focusing on yourself and helping yourself to get stronger and take control. This is what he wants. He wants ALL the power and control. No one else is going to focus on you 100% of the time regardless of the home you come from but unfortunately you don't have a leader to show you how. You must be your own leader and push yourself to do bigger and better and be more until the day you can be free and make your own choices and when you get there you can turn to everyone and tell them exactly how you feel about them and do WHATEVER it is you want to! What really helped me a lot is working. Getting a job and making my own money, if you don't already. It gave me a reason to be out of the house and away from him. It gave me the freedom to afford whatever I wanted for myself and I made some friends while I was there whom I never introduced to my dad! As well I focused on my grades and GPA. Personally I started looking into colleges as a freshmen in high school. I knew I wanted to go far, far, far away to school and figuring out how, where, and how much was the best thing I could have done. there are ample payment choices and grants and competitions that you can enter for scholarship money. Whatever you can do to make what you want to happen, happen DO IT! Even if you think it's the longest shot you've ever taken so what?! What can it hurt? I don't know how far away all of this is for you right now but believe me that the time will come faster than you think and being prepared and strong when it does come will be worth all the fighting and struggle it took to get there. The feeling is unbelievable and the fact that you will have gotten yourself there despite all the mountains climbed and battles fought is a triumph I want you to experience so badly! But none of that can happen if you give up now. Please take care of yourself! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Millions of men, woman, and children everywhere have endured and are enduring these same struggles and lived to tell the tale and the triumph story afterwards. You must focus on the future because there is no doubt that it is coming and I can't stress enough how being prepared and strong for it will help in every way. Not to mention how good it feels to know that you are making strides to making changes in your life with your own 2 hands! The simplest, and perhaps hardest!, thing I can think of is exercise. Exercise is a proven natural anti-depressant, it is a good goal to set for yourself to meet and perhaps if you get noticeably stronger it will deter certain people from physically coming at you. It did work for me. As well I really wish you could find someone to talk to in person. A school counselor, a mentor, a fellow friend who can relate and have a comforting shoulder to cry on. Having a partner in crime eases the pain soooo much. It seems crazy to be telling you to deal with the abuse instead of leaving and running away, however I do know the great lengths that it would take to get out. You would certainly have to go on your own and leave everyone behind. If they can't help unfortunately they only become a burden. It would be hard enough to take care of just yourself let alone anyone else. But you can always come back for them later when you are strong enough to do so. If that is something you would be willing to do Call a hotline. There are hotlines for abuse all over the world and they will take you seriously and be a friend, a professional friend that are well equipped to tell you just what to do and what your options are in the situation. Unfortunately no one can make the best decision for you but you. It is your cross to bare in being your own leader, commander, and chief but once you get used to these roles they will spread like wild fire throughout your whole life. Once you taste the sweet flavor of victory IN ANY SMALL WAY it makes you want more and more and more! And DO NOT be discouraged by any battles lost. OH NO! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! It is these times that must be remembered, studied, and carried as badges of honor. Something that you can be proud to say you've been through, survived and overcome, as long as you've learned the LESSON each time and that's how you win the war! F*** ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU, F*** ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME! I have every faith that you will win this war my dear. You seem like such a strong, smart, determined woman that only needs a friend. Well, that is the one thing you can be sure I can grant you, whenever you need it. Take care of yourself. <3

Thank you very much. Reading that made me realise how important i am and that i can be who i am without anyone judging me or trying to bring me down. I am going to save it and read it whever im down :). I cant thank you enough <3.

You just did. You're very welcome..anytime.

Thank you