The Full History

There are the good things: He has a steady job, he got us into "good" schools (I'm not so sure considered I was bullied most of the time), we never wanted for anything, he never physically abused us, he wasn't an alcoholic.

But I'm sorry, all the above are his job as a father. I lived up to my end too. I never got pregnant, I stuck to my morals, I did my best at school and I never left the house for 17 years because he said I couldn't. I think I've been pretty damn good about it.

My dad transferred me to private school when I was 7. Before that I'd been in public school and I'd done well. The headmistress even knew my name. I was passing my exams and I was even a little prefect. When I moved to private school my problems started. I was never good enough and the teachers told my parents this. And my parents, not caring that I spent an abnormally large time in the bathroom crying because both my classmates and my teachers bullied me and put me down, immediately agreed with them and no matter how hard I tried they always shouted at me and put me down and refused to listen to me.

I had a racist teacher once who favored the light skinned girls and she punished me for no reason. When I told my mother she came to see the teacher and immediately sided with her saying that I was rude and I deserved my punishment. She refused to listen to what I had to say. More than once my parents sided with the school administration even if other guilty students had pushed the blame on me, I would be punished for it and I wouldn't be heard.

I tried to kill myself when I was 11.

At dinner, it was the perfect opportunity for my dad to pinpoint every little thing that was so wrong with me that disappointed them and made me so different from my sister, repeat what my teachers had said and why they were right, ask me why I was so rude and difficult, why I could never admit I was on the wrong. Then after dinner they would make the whole family pray with them. And on Sunday, I just HAD to go to church. Catholic church... The same as the Catholic school they sent me to with all the Catholic teachers who put me down and were bigger hypocrites than anybody else I knew.

I'm sure you understand why the time came when I ate alone in my room, I refused to pray with those hypocrites and I refuse to go to church.

I tried and tried and tried to tell them but they wouldn't listen.

I was in that school for 6 years and in all that time there is hardly a positive record of me ever having gone to that school. My back was hunched over and even I didn't like myself. I was a loner and I was antisocial.

In high school I met a boy who was very kind to me. The girls were all very big ******* but he helped me through and I started to feel more confident in myself. I was changing. My parents didn't.

My first year at high school, I won a trophy. My mum said she understood what I meant when I'd said the teachers at my last school were against me.

But then one of my teachers (a "nun") said I have demons in me and tried to exorcise me. And surprise surprise my parents sided with her. Even my sister asked them how they thought it made them look as parents that they were willing to side with a quack who told them their daughter who they knew and lived with was possessed.

The next time it was an alcoholic teacher who said the highest I'd ever get was a D. I told him never to say that to me again. My dad was there. My dad grabbed me and pulled my cheek. In front of all my teachers and my classmates and their parents. For an alcoholic who was so overcome with shakes that he rarely came to class.

I ran out of the room and he grabbed my hand, I screamed so loudly that there was a scene and the headmistress had to come and mediate. That day I got it all out. My headmistress loved me more than my parents did. She was always on my side. And when I called him a hypocrite she understood why.

For the first time in my life, that night my dad felt remorse, even guilt. It lasted only a few hours but it was present. However instead of just apologizing for his actions as usual he tried to buy my forgiveness by offering me money and prepaid cards.

By the following week he was back to the same old *******.

And so the story continues. I'm trying to get a job right now so that I can move out of this house permanently and never have to see either of them again. I've been through too much **** because of them. Your parents are supposed to support you and stand up for you and advise you and believe in you. So I guess they were never my parents to begin with.
shelonely shelonely
18-21, F
Jan 8, 2013