What Is It With My Dad...

I don't know my dad.
As I grow older, this became clearer and clearer.
He is here, but he's million miles away.
His eyes flashes as I enter the same room.
Casual conversations are strained, I feel suffocated.
He will never feel comfortable around any of us.
The immense repelence is overwhelming.
What pours out of his mouth are anxious and negative.
I will never satisfy him. Even if I become his imaginary success.
Does he not realize what he has done?
I have never seen a family so divided and unappreciated.
I don't hate him. I pity him.
I want to Love, but he gives me no space.
Yet he goes on. Criticizing everyone else with his absolute justification.
My head spins in despair. He makes me sick to my stomach.
One day, I will be married.
And if I ever have a kid, I'll treat him completely opposite to how he'd treated me.
But if I turn out like him, I'll put a bullet through my head.

An Ep User An EP User
Jan 12, 2013