Feels Like I Don't Know My Dad At All

I used to love my "father" and considered him as someone who was important to me but things changed... It turned out that I didn't know him at all.

I've had a broken family ever since I was in the 4th grade. At first, I thought it could be resolved but they fought even more. It almost got to my "father" hitting my mom. But I came just in time. They were downstairs in the dining room and I could hear their voices from their room upstairs. I decided to come down and I saw my "father" raising his fist to my mom. I screamed and ran upstairs again. That caught their attention and they got upstairs. I was with my grandmother in their room. My mom came in first and hugged me. I hugged her back in return and when my "father" came and tried to get me, I held on to my mom tighter. They argued even more until they heard me cry louder.

That was the last time I saw them fight. The next thing I knew, he was out of the house and they planned on getting divorced.

I lived with a step-dad. He was okay. We got along pretty well. A few years after, I've had two step-brothers. My "father" and I were okay that time. I thought it'd be better for them to separate if all they're gonna do is fight all the time. Well, that's what I thought was the reason.

But then, one time my mom and I got into a serious argument, they told me the reason of why they separated. The reason? My "father" almost raped my aunt. That was too much for me to bear. I started to hate my "father" again. I didn't reply to his texts nor did I answer his calls.

They tell me I shouldn't hate him but what can I do to not hate someone who almost messed up with my aunt?

Up until now I still hate him and I cannot wait for them to divorce although it may take a lot of money in the process. All I want is to be freed from that guy! I want to change my last name to my step-dad's name. I don't want to be related to someone like him!
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 12, 2013