The Disappearing Daddy Act

When you're young, a father is someone who I realized you can take for granted. From the moment I was born, there he was. He changed his fair share of dirty diapers, helped me ride a bike without training wheels, and somehow was always available to take me to the doctor when I was too sick to go to school. He wasn't perfect but no one is. He could brag at times, get a bit demanding, and he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. Still, I overlooked all of these things and called him daddy. I swore that I loved him.

I used to love him.

When I was maybe ten or eleven, my family went to this building without really explaining what was going on to me. It was my mom, my dad, my little brother, and myself. The only thing they had told me was that a few tests were going to be done to make sure that my father was my real father. I thought this was the dumbest thing I had ever heard. Of course he was my father! Anything else just wouldn't make any sense.

The results were never really explained to me. All I got as an answer was that he was my dad. My mother told that to me and I didn't doubt that.

A few years later, when I was twelve years old, everything changed. After a house fire and the beginning of an ugly divorce, my mom told me the truth. The man who had raised me my whole entire life wasn't really my father.

I've gotten in touch with my biological dad who, at the start, seemed amazing. He was so much like me and that was exciting. No one else in my family looks or even acts like I do. My biological father loved reading ad writing just like I do and even sings in a band. He's an amazing singer and I love to sing. Things didn't stay great for very long, though.

Once my non-biological father found out that I knew the truth, he changed. His kisses turned into long ones on the lips. He wanted to cuddle all the time. He yelled at me often, too, and never wanted me to visit friends. We fought a lot.

Eventually, I stopped going to visit him. I haven't gone to his house in almost three years. He's married now with two step children. My younger brother still goes over there. He's my ex-step father's only biological child.

Things are iffy now with my biological father. He hardly talks to me anymore and it doesn't help that he lives far away in another state. He didn't come down for Christmas this year like in years past, but he is supposed to come back to this state this month, January. No one has gotten in touch with me to let me know when he's coming. The last time I heard from him was a text on Christmas.

I still love my biological father and it hurts me everyday that he doesn't try to talk to me more. If he really cared, he'd try more. I'm so sick of hurting over him and memories of my past father experiences but I can't move on. This is almost four years over hurting over not having a dad to be there for me. When will it ever end?
WonderfullyMisunderstood WonderfullyMisunderstood
13-15, F
Jan 21, 2013