I Don't Know If We Will Ever Be Able to Patch Things Up.

A side note in by split with my EX and another reason why it has been so hard.

I have always loved and revered my father.  He had always been there for me and my ex if we were in a bind or needed help with something.  But things changed when my ex and me split up.

Things had always been a bit tense between my family and my ex.  Mainly because of the differences in our family's.  My mom and dad had always been together while i was growing up, and mom stayed at home and raised the kids while dad was often away working.  My ex grew up in a broken home.  Her mom raise her and her two other children on wellfare, and when through numerous boyfriend and not all of them were good.  So my ex and her siblings learned to take care of themselves at a very early age and that the only person that you could truely depend on was yourself.  Whereas I always had someone to depend on.

And I did depend on them.  About six months before we split our car broke down and was not worth fixing, and because of my credit score I couldn't get a loan on my own to get a new one so I turned to my dad.  He seemed a bit reluctant to help me out because he new that it was going to be her car for the most part, but he did finally help us out, and co-signed on a car for us.  She picked it out and absolutely loved it.

When we split though dad said that he didn't want her driving the car anymore, and I told him that it was bullshit because it was my car and I was making all the payments and insurance on it and that I was going to let her keep it because she needed a vehicle because of the kids. He didn't care.  If she wasn't going to be with me then she wasn't going to drive a car that his name was on.  He said that if I wanted to drive the car then that was fine, but if not he wanted it back. 

This just absolutely blew my mind,  He was willing to make those kids do without because she didn't want to be with me.  We got into many heated arguements about it, and I told him that there was no way in hell that I was going to make those kids suffer because he wanted to be a controling *****, so what he did was get this POS 90 geo running so that she could drive that for a couple of months until she could get something else.  I finally agreed to this, only because he said that he would get the cops to impound the vehicle.  This is what she drove up until about 2 weeks ago when I was finally able to purchase another vehicle.  To be honest, the only reason that I started looking at trying to buy another vehicle was because he was wanting the Geo back.

This was all so go along with some of the things that he said, not only about her but about her family.  But finally some of the things that he said about me.  At first I respected that he was entitled to his opinion, and trying to keep things somewhat good between us, but when I didn't take his opinions as my own he started to get really rude about things until finally I am at the point that I can't stand to be around him. 

Sadly things get worse.  He as even tried to cut me of from my mother.  Anytime that I am in town and want to have lunch with my mom he basically says that she can't go unless he goes with her, or he will cut her off.  My mom receintly went through breast cancer, and has some huge medical bills that she can't pay by herself so she needs his help as much as possible.  In all my years of growing up I never realized how much of a chovinistic pig my father really was.  Something my ex always said about him, but I never believed it until now.
bigchuck1397 bigchuck1397
26-30, M
3 Responses Jun 15, 2007

sounds like your father isn't as forgiving as you are, esp since ur ex ditched you. i cannot blame him. i'm proud of you that you stood up for yourself though.

You never know what a man, as a father, can do. My own father, had left home and started living on a hill station, stopped helping my mom financially. By chance, i picked up a job nearby his place and i needed his scooter for local transportation. Initially he gave me and then he wanted it back. As he never used to ride it himself, i refused to give it back to him as i had no money to buy another two wheeler. He lodged a FIR with a local police station. I got a call from them and i was shocked. I had to go to a police station because of my own father and the station in-charge was equally surprised to know the truth. He informed my father that it was a family matter and it should have been settled amicably. I put my foot down and told my father that i would give it back when i leave my job and i did that only. my father is no more but even he had his own way in everything and he never gave a damn to others opinions.

Hey BigChuck!<br />
<br />
Ouch! You're trying to do the right thing by your ex and the kids, and he wants to get the cops involved! I'm sorry, that's hard. I agree-he sounds extremely controlling. And why he would judge this woman based solely on a her sad upbringing, which I'm sure she wasn't too thrilled about herself, is beyond comprehension. If anything, he should feel compassion, not disdain. <br />
Father's Day is probably triggering a lot of stuff for you, too. <br />
It's not fair that he tries to keep you from your mother. Is she being dominated by him? I mean, does she feel as if she has to do what he says or she'll be in financial ruin, thearby ruining her health? It kinda sounds that way-otherwise, I'm wondering why she wouldn't stick up for herself and you-you are her *son,* after all. Is there any way you could bypass him and talk to your mom, so you can meet without him knowing. I know that's not the ideal situation, but it may be a temporary one that allows you and your mother a chance to talk. <br />
Best of luck-you sound like a really nice guy. What comes around goes around.