It's Not All the Time.&...

It's not all the time.  I hated him openly for my entire teen years.  Sometime during therapy, I buried it.  I guess I just didn't want to go through it anymore.  I knew that no matter how much I changed, he never would and I would never feel any differently about his behaviors or how he felt about me.  I hate him when he says and does things to hold me back and then blame it on me when I can't overcome it.  I blame him for being completely absent in my early childhood and then suddenly wanting to be a disciplinarian in my teen years.  I hate him for not accepting my choices or praising my accomplishments.

He's a decent guy.  He's gotten me out of a lot of fixes I've been in.  My dad is super nice to my friends and great with my fiance.  But he talks so much smack when they aren't around and he does it to me.  I hate my father for not being a parent and a bad friend.

theophania theophania
22-25, F
6 Responses Jan 13, 2007

Yes, Theophania, I really get that! Mine said and did/does things to hold me back, and then blames me for it. He is very arrogant and has NO self awareness....none at all! I can't imagine having no self awareness! My dad was physically there, but basically just a disciplinarian, also. And he was gone a lot, and my friends didn't "have" to meet him....and now, they don't want to. <br />
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He tries to give me praise, but it comes out all wrong. I once got a "progress report" from a religion ba<x>sed high school that I attended, where they gave you a star ba<x>sed on how well you did the test at the end of the small booklet. The page had dozens of gold stars, a number of silver, and then a few red and blue.....and I explained it to him, and showed it to him proudly. He looked at it a couple of minutes and read it, and then quite seriously asked me: Why aren't all the stars gold? : O<br />
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And when I meet his friends, they just go on and on about what a great guy he is, and that he will do anything for you without you even asking, and you are so lucky to have a dad like him.

I understand completely how you feel. My dad is the same exact way never praised any achievements I did or tried to make me guilty for anything that seemed wrong to him and is sucha schmoozer. You just have to think you have to live your life without thinking about the past and try to make the best of it now.

You could try not being alone around your father so he doesn´t get the opportunity to say bad things to you. Tell your fiance what is going on so she can help you out with this too.

I totally get that, being absent in the early life. My father did that to me, came to visit me two years ago with this dumb look on his face expecting me to be over joyed that this was the first time I had ever met him...then had the nerve to tell my mother she was a horrible parent when she was the one looking out for me for twelve years...

We're slowly making progress. I have to give the man some wiggle room though, he's a vietnam vet. So emotional things are hard for him to deal with.

This is just my opinion, but if your father disresoects you, either in public or private, i personally do not believe he deserves to have you as one of his children. You are a forgiving soul and he is BLESSED to have you!!