My Dad Sucks

Well first off im 20, almost 21, and im in college. I still live with my parents because I live in a small town so my job isnt enough to support an apartment, and all my best friends moved out of town, so i have nobody to room with that I can trust. I have been trying my hardest to get through our small communtiy college so I can get the **** out of here and do something more with my life. For my entire life I have been into computers, not really into understanding them but how to work them, and build them. With got me into gaming, mostly on consoles, which to some is childish, but for many people, like me, its a lifestyle. I have shown this my entire life and everyone knows that I can go places with this, everyone but my dad i now realize. I've never really saw eye to eye with my dad, he hates everything I do because its not what he did at my age, like he was ******* perfect and knew what he was doing with his life the day he was born. A few days ago at dinner we started talking about college and how we where going to pay for it, and then he started asking what i wanted to do with my life, which I have told him on multiple occasions. I started to tell him that I want to get into the gaming industry and test games, design consoles or anything that has to do with that. I plan on going to a university 5 hours away from my hometown which will be a big relife. As soon as I mention this he starts to crush everything that I had planned and told me everything bad that can happen to me, will. It got me to the point where I wanted to slug him in the face as hard as I could, mind you I've never swear at him or hit him before, and very rarely raise my voice with him, because hey, he's still my dad. Anyways, it gets pretty heated around the table and I start to break down his life, he went to a tech school because he didnt have what it took to get into college, and he ended up working in a dead end town in a ****** mill that makes paper, and he was getting mad at ME for wanting to go to college and get a real carreer that I dont have to work as hard as him to make the same or more than him. Now he comes into my room at 4am and tells me to start getting on a better sleeping pattern (i have insomnia, and he knows it because its mostly his fault, but he wont help me pay to help it get treated) and yells at me to clean up my act, and help around the house more (i never do when hes home because i never do things right in his eyes) and threatend to kick me out of the house. I never hated him so much in my life because everything that i dreamed of doing with my life makes him look at me like im a dieing lepper of sorts and he thinks i'm a waste of life. I also never thought i would be saying things like this on a support group of sorts, but he is driving me to the point of wanting to just leave my house, family, town, and friends and live on the streets untill I can get money to live my life away from them, I want to leave ALL of his bullshit behind me, and its all his damn fault I feel this way. I really hope this man regrets his words someday because he will see that I'm going to do something more with my life than he ever did, and by then, I wont care what he thinks because I will never belive him again. I wrote this really fast, and its mostly venting, i never said the whole story but this was the big push over the edge for me so I needed to get some of this off of my chest, and now I feel a bit better after this, Thank you for having this community so i know there are people out there that could understand.

lifehasbeencrushed lifehasbeencrushed
18-21
2 Responses Mar 10, 2009

The best thing for you to do is get away from him. Take a break for a few months or longer. You are only 20. Your whole life is ahead. Do what you want with your gift of life , be it anything positive , and you will make it.<br />
My daughter is 24. She has my undying support. You need to surround yourself with positive people that care.<br />
So stay focused and true to yourself. You will go far.<br />
Just work hard at your dream. You may have to temporarily make money at some other job until you get<br />
educated at testing games ect but live YOUR dream.

I hope you feel better after getting it off your chest...there's a lot to your story....and it sounds like you are really hurting and angry....try to stay calm an focused...as a 41 year old woman who made it out of her father's house, I can tell you that this, too, shall pass....sometimes fathers have a very hard time expressing emotion and it all comes out as angry criticism...all their hopes for us, fears for us, dreams for us, ideas for us...just so hard to express....as monstrous as his actions seem to be, I guarantee you, he is man with thoughts and feelings much like your own....time brings with it healing, perspective and change....hang in there...things will get different...peace...SS