Should I Tell My Father Goodbye?

I hate my father. He is 99% the reason I am in therapy and on drugs. He made my life a living hell, in all ways (emotionally, physically, sexually). But, I feel guilty if I don't call him once a month. He is having heart problems and he is in the hospital 5-6 times a year now. I live on the other side of the country so I go home once a year. So, talking on the phone once a month is all I have subjected myself to. He pissed me off big time tonight on the phone. I am not going to go into it, but he pretty much said that I am a failure. I hung up on him. He called me back but I think that right now I need to stay away. He is too toxic for me right now. My brother hasn't spoken to him in 5 years. He is smart, I guess. My mother divorced him so she doesn't have to deal with him anymore. I feel like I am the only one in his immediate family that cares to talk to him. Now I don't anymore. I am going to think about this, but I really don't want my father in my life anymore. It's sad that he has no one but his money digging ex-wife and her baggage.
runnergal runnergal
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 19, 2007

It's not good for you to have someone treat you like a failure or abuse you. No matter what is going on in your life, you are not a failure. And, it sounds like he was very abusive. You have potential, skills, and talents to unlock and explore. If you truly don't want to talk to him again, take the high road and either call or write him a card and wish him well. Say something like "I wish you health and happiness Dad, but I can't be a part of your life right now." You can mention that it's not healthy for you to be around someone that insults you. You can even write what he did to you and how it makes you angry and it was wrong what he did. This way, if he dies, you have wished him well and also gotten it off your chest and told him why you don't want to keep in touch with him. Yes, some fathers are toxic and if he makes you feel badly, then it's best not to talk to him. It's important to take care of yourself and not feel guilty. You don't owe him anything.