Unjust Anger

I'm a strong Catholic and so is my mom. We've both been catholics since we we're conceived.  My dad is a convert and doesnt believe in some of the most fundamental things the Church believes in.  He comes from a Baptist family and his father was very tough and (in my opinion) to him. He's also a army retired. He's about 75 and i'm 17 so he's pretty much an old dad with health problems, but he won't let those stop him from his rampages. He's old age also means that he believes in old way. His stubborn ways keep him from conforming with the current times. He's also a black man who's lived in very hard, racist times, yet my mother is white and that's how i look (I wonder if he wishes that i were like my black brothers). I think those are my excuses for him. He is very quick to anger. The Bible discourages this and I've told him, but he doesnt care and proceeds with his yelling and bickering about how my mother and I are idiots. He's been telling me how stupid and silly I am since I was 5. We get into arguements ever single day. I'm sick of it so try to stay away from him, but it's almost like he's looking for a fight. Now it feels like i'm sounding like every other teenager, but it goes beyond verbal fights for me. It gets physical. I will proceed with an example. One day about 3 minutes after he left my room (we we're fighting), I shut my door. I have clothes, necklaces, and other such things that hang off my door so when you shut it it's niosy. I hear him rushing down the hall and he burst into my room. He screams at me and tells me that he'll kill me if i ever slam the door again. I told him I did not and proceed with what he calls "excuses". "EXUSES EXCUES EXUSES," he bellows at me. He shaking with anger and his eyes are filled with rage. I'm used to this. So I try to remain straight, with no tears, and emotionless. He verbally assalts me some more. When I responded he put his hands around my neck roughly, but doesnt choke me. I wish he would just choke me; as if my life couldnt suck any more. He did other things too like grab my arms so tight that i received bruises. He shoved me down multiple times. My back and my elbow hurt a lot now. This was the first time I screamed at him to leave me alone. I let out tears of anger. As I write this he's yelling at me to finish my homework or he'll "break my neck".  I think for now I'll just  pray: My Lord,God, please make him leave me alone. I'm trying as hard as I can to honor my parents, but it is so hard to respect a tyrant!  I know You never give a person an amount of suffering he or she can not handle. So take away this. I can't handle it any more. I can not fool everyone with my mask anymore. Amen

cici260 cici260
Mar 21, 2009