Mom's Excuses

I had supressed most of the memories about the things my dad had done to me as a child and even things that he's done recently. His recent infidelity and things that he's done to my mother apparently released these memories and they come trickling back into my conscious mind one by one. I recounted some of the experiences to my mother and asked if she knew about them and she replied in the affirmative. I asked why she allowed me to be subjected to such things.....why she would stand idly by and do nothing....why she didn't call the police or leave my father. Her only answer has been, "I don't know." Yesterday, when I started to recount another experience to my mother, she became angry and said, "I'm about tired of hearing about this ****!" My reply was, "I don't give a flying **** if you're tired of hearing it! I was tired of being basically tortured, terrified and tormented as a child, but it didn't stop, now did it?!?"

I understand why she didn't put a stop to these things, I really do. It was because she herself felt trapped, as if there was no way out. My father was arrested once for a physical altercation with another man. He phoned my mother to come bail him out.....after a trip to the bank to withdraw money, sh e went to the police station to find him free of restraints, out of his cell and joking with the detectives. He was personal friends with everyone on the department, having taught some of them tactical training and they just let him go. I'm sure she felt that calling the police would be a futile attempt and that it would only anger him more and put us both in more danger. My life would have been much better off without my father around. Should I blame my mother or hold her at all responsible?

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Mar 28, 2009