Why Are Dads So Hopeless?

After reading a few of these stories here, I realise I am far from alone.  My dad is completely hopeless.  No, he doesn't hit me or my mother, he doesn't drink or gamble to excess.  He is quite simply ignorant, racist, homophobic, paranoid, controlling, fearful and he really seems to regret ever having us kids.

He does care for my mum, I'll give him that.  When she was very sick he looked after here, and genuinely seemed to care about her.  But when it comes to me or my siblings, well he just ignores us. we have nothing in common. Nothing. Except blood I guess. what a shame. We cant even have a basic conversation because he is not interested in anything or anyone.

I unfortunately have to live with the ignorant pig and get to witness everyday his complete disassociation from society.  He thinks everyone is out to get him, he thinks he is always right and you are always wrong, he thinks he is never to blame for anything. Anything, even when it is clear he is to blame. Even tiny little things that don't matter, he will find someone to blame and yell at them for it. He doesnt cry over spilt milk, he yells over it, while he is holding the dripping carton. He will lie about things to make himself look like the victim. 

Why is it so hard for these men to be grown ups?  To love the children they have created - however they came about.  How hard is it?  Why cant they just tell us that they love us occassionally. Show that they care. Ask how we are. Ask what we've been doing at school or university or work. And mean it. Take the blame for whatever they did wrong and just get over it or laugh about it.  Have a sense of humour, see the funny side sometimes. Stop trying to control everyone.  Stop treating their wives like dirt. Show some interest for gods sake! My father NEVER asks me how I am.  I see him every day, sad isnt it?

I go to university (thats college for you in the US), recently I got a scholarship to travel overseas for a while and study there.  My mum (the sweetest woman in the world) was over the moon when I told her, and rightly so. I worked hard to get it.  But my dad just shrugged and grunted when I told him.  I wondered why I even bother.

I have told him he is a crap father.  He doesnt even care, he just ignores me and stares into space.. I got some medical test results back the other day - it could have turned out bad.  When I told him I was all ok he just stared into space. I said "Did you even hear me?!"  He just said "What?" all innocent like.

I used to argue with him all the time but now I jsut try to stay out his way. I try not to get upset about it but I really think he doesnt love me. Its hard not to be upset by this.  Little by little I have come to hate him.

I think my relationship with him is why I have never had a good boyfriend, and its why I don't want to get married or have kids.  I wouldnt wish it on anyone, so I dont want to risk it. Or what if they turned out like him?

So, can anyone explain why dads are so crap?




zoologirl zoologirl
2 Responses Mar 31, 2009

not all fathers are like that. my father would never do that to me. but m mother is kinda like that after my father died she got worse. it has been to the point that i tkae care my self and go to school. and i really dislike my mother that i have told people i dont have a mother.

These questions are the most difficult part of having a crap dad (or mom), I think. I've never really stopped asking myself why my dad cared more for himself than he did for me--but I'm no closer to understanding why. It just doesn't make sense that a parent would treat a child this way. Not only do you feel rejected and abandoned--you also feel painfully bewildered. It's even more confusing when this person isn't completely evil. Like you said, your dad took care of your mom, which shows he is still capable of decent behavior. That just makes it even harder to dismiss him as a complete jerk with no feelings. <br />
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I'm sorry he's such an ugly and uncaring person. I hope, with time, these unanswerable questions hurt less, and I hope you can learn how to protect yourself from further damage. It might be good to think about how to limit your interaction with him, since all you get from him is what sounds like constant rejection and neglect. The effects of that kind of toxicity are long-lasting and difficult to counteract--I am speaking from personal and painful experience.