Why Can't My Father Be a Normal Loving Dad?

I have never hated anyone before, but I can honestly say that I hate my father. Why? Because for my whole life I have put up with his incessant perfectionism, obsession with small detail, short temper, criticism, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse. He is a very opinionated and angry person and has no hesitation in showing it, both at home and in public. He thinks he is always right and every one else is wrong, and expects to have everything his way. My family have tried to talk to him about his behaviour, but he gets very defensive and loses his temper. He has lost several jobs and doesn't have many friends - that says it all. I don't know why my mother didn't leave him years ago. The worst part is I fear my father's horrid personality is rubbing off on me. I see some of his traits in me, and it sickens me. I would rather die than turn out like him. I don't have many friends and I worry that it is because I am like him. I try not to be like him, and I try hard to make friends, but for some reason it just doesn't work out. Why can't I have a normal father? You know, someone who is relaxed and easy to get along with; someone I can be around without the worry of being told off or criticised; someone who doesn't lose his temper whenever he doesn't get his way; or at least a father who doesn't call me hurtful names and do spiteful things when he is angry. I have never known what it is like to have a warm loving father; a father who doesn't just say he loves me but actually shows it. I have never had a proper father figure in my life, someone I admire and am proud of. And I guess I will never know.
Louey Louey
31-35, F
117 Responses Sep 16, 2007

Hey I'm 28 years old I know exactly what your talking abouto, it doesn't get better only you can get better, because your dad is missing some thing in life he's right up-bringing, right job, right choices, etc he's taking his short comings out on you that's up to him, however how that effects your life is up to you don't listen when he says you can't! Say I can!!!!! And believe it this is your life shape how you want. It's not a perfect world until you make your world perfect let go of his, Im a single dad to a very beautiful 2 year old lil girl I know I'm still learning but I am a thousand times the parent he ever was because I choose to be. In closing live your life create your world and be what ever you want to be.

I understand everything you are saying and want you to know that I am your friend. My father is so hateful that he beats me with any object that he sees an he hates me. But I hate him too. I hate him with a passion. I wish we could meet or something because we have so much I. Common, the hateful 'dad'. My dad is so controlling and wants me to live in the way he has already planned but I hate him and will never do anything for him. He used to look at me but now I cover myself properly. I don't know why I have a man like him in my life.

I am in the exact situation as you are. My dad has all the same qualities. Having someone who is nice and kind would be great.

I dono whether my father is good or bad..sometimes he is sweet,understanding. But most of the time he obsess over everything in my life.I try to understand that he means me well but at times I feel like I am here to fulfill his dreams..like a remote controlled robot.He does not ask my opinion in anything I want in MY life..for example:he has literally all my passwords say,email,fb etc..is his behavior bad or am I just being stupid?

Same with me here and my younger brother I'm he's 4 and I'm 14
And I wish I had a nice dad a loving caring and understanding father but I don't have a choice because my mum constantly has work so I'm stuck with my dad he blames me for everything yells at my brother and completely ignore our needs but sometimes when I get the chance I like to go to the park when my mum is their with my brother (I don't wanna leave him with jerk) and stay their until she comes back I hate my father it's ruining my life

I had to stop halfway and check the name of the author - I thought it might be written by my sister because it sounds identical to my dad.

I ask myself the same questions every day. What is wrong with him? Why can't he be normal...relaxed and easy to get along with?

He has never hit us other than smacks when we were kids, but the emotional abuse (silent treatment, eggshells, tantrums, volatility, anger, anti-social ways) destroys our lives.

He hasn't talked to my sister in months because she snapped back about some domestic chore. He's disowned her husband because of something so minor and insignificant. He has no friends and, by extension, nor does my mum because he expects her to loyally cut ties as well. He cut ties with a friend of 25 years because the guy told a bad joke. He yelled at me incessantly just because I commented that his room was a bit stuffy and he needed to open the window and let some air in. He hasn't talked to his own parents in 7 years and they don't even know why. He commands respect from everyone and won't accept anything less than kissing his ***.

I am a grown woman and a mother now, yet still he makes my life hell. I am sick of being scared of him...sick of him trying to control my life...sick of that deep sinking feeling in my chest when he says calls me by my normal name rather than my pet name, because I know then I have done something wrong....maybe I missed his call or I wasn't at home when he visited (how very disrespectful); maybe I said something related to technology (he doesn't understand technology and starts slamming doors whenever the topic is raised); maybe I didn't kiss his *** enough in some other way.

I don't know what is wrong with him. He has claimed he has depression, but does a depressed person work, work, work 24/7, including on unpaid jobs (and then turn around and blame the rest of us for the fact he chooses to never. ever. stop.). I don't know what is wrong with him but I wish, after 32 years, he would fix it. Not just for his sake, but for mum's as well....poor mum.

I thought for a second I was reading something I may have posted. Problem is the second lasted to the last sentence and I still had to check to see if I wrote this post. lol. I know it goes to all degrees of abuse and my father was one to keep us all in fear. Never knowing if when how he was coming home. He may park in the back yard to hide from those seeking to get him. One thing for sure there was a good chance we 3-13 would be pulled out of bed (if it was late enough to have the **** scared out of us) marched down to witness a raving lunatic smashing things throwing any and everything within reach. screaming at the top of his lungs. tables flipped lunging at mom saying if we ever call for help he will beat the police and paramedics with our dead bodies. Wake..dad gone..go to school. FORGET be thankful last night didn't involve clothes in bags checkbooks tore up car keys taken and children sent away in the street with evil mommy because ...(may have started with a clink of a pot to older sister 13..not requesting permission to babysit for the sunday school teacher without a minimum of 72 hours notice.(you know that rule is set in stone ..ugh..foolish fathers ) basically he wouldn't let the health, happiness, future, dreams, or even the life of his own family deny him of something as insignificant as his hungry belly or missed a word onTV....My dad is sick(stage 3 lung) and I struggle with hating him. I know I am ok because it always turns from hate to absolute grief as I reflect at him squandering the unconditional love of his children. Because I forgive he even had a faint chance recently, and as a boy I bragged my dad up (successful dr somehow) but he disappointed me and more than that the people I grew up with scorn me and HARSHLY prejudge me based on my fathers disregard for people. I feel alone. I have been trying to think of one tender moment, even just an ok memory of him when I was a kid. nothing. ALL BAD SELFISH EVIL behavior. Every outing vacation hunting etc was ruined by a frightening prolonged rage...over nothing. never once was there an excuse. His eyes glaze over and he starts making fast ******* violent hand movements like he is reverting into big daddy who can jump around like a gorilla and scare 4 years olds into saying the earth is flat. if I have a differing opinion on ANYTHING..even others opinions lolol. things only changed after he forced me to hard concrete labor at 14 and by 20 I beat his *** when he tried to punk me. (for those Christians..I didn't deform his face even though he tried to kick me in the balls straight off and attempted eye gouge. I took him down and spun him around by his feet till he tired. that's honoring your father in my book.) I know many of you experienced things I cant image but being scared like that for good part of 2 decades is devastating yet im here and going forward. I never had to go to war to get PTSD..thanks dad.

Here is where I need help. I have been begging my mom to leave him for 23 years. this man has soaked up the youth of his wife and children. Left it a painful warzone with no one to turn to but mom. (in secret of course...could not have mom helping her children?!) I believe us kids, who are doing well enough, can continue to recover but we will never be a family until mom realizes even if she left without a cent she could rediscover life in a way many never thought they could later in life. so any luck getting mom to ditch the psycho heartless father?

also I have learned the mind games dad plays and he is almost like a child the way he thinks he is tricking me...while I give all the WRONG answers to keep closing up that heart artery...old widowmaker .I need the answer....what can I do(as far as exposing/stirring up his behavior that by now should add up to several life sentences) to send him over the edge..into a permanent padded room or just out of our lives.

You summed up my father with this post I know for a fact my father abused us no matter how much my mother Denys it because she probably can't cope with the fact that she did nothing because "that's still your dad" that is seriously some of the dumbest **** ever you know and see that this man and physically and emotionally abusing your children and that's all you say! And even he is aware his favorite thing is "y'all like to look like the victim after I yell at you/beat you." Because we are the ******* victim you beat your children because they don't understand the home work or has a hard time spelling 2 years ago I found out I have dislexia and my parents still try to justify the beatings I got for mispelling words my mother straights up denies the world is ****** up man

I feel like I wrote this. That's how much this resonates with me. I really don't like my dad. I care about him but I don't like him at all.

I am really sorry that your dad is like that my dad is like that to but he gets pissed off over little things

I'm 11 years old and the same is going on for me. I'm afraid to be with him because sometimes he misunderstands and doesn't stop hitting me with the belt! I feel your pain.

I don't pretend to be a therapist or any kind of professional but as a person who has dealt with the aftermath of my personal issues I would like to suggest that you talk to someone. There is no magic pill but talking to maybe a Counselor at the school or even your doctor or nurse might help. They ignored these things when I was your age but if there are real issues at home, the sooner you get help the better.

I am also 11 and I feel your pain my dad yelled at me today because I couldn't put wheels on a big tv that was like about to fall on my hands and than he yells at me when it fell on hands but I feel your pain

I am so sorry and don't have any real answers for you. This was like reading something I could have written myself though. I live with the fact that I have quite a few of my father's traits and when my Mom brings this up it makes me hate myself that much more. I have been in therapy and am going back because of recent events involving my father and my sisters. You have good positive sides to your personality and should try to reinforce these. it's difficult to try to catch yourself before you start channeling that negative aspect of your personality believe me I know. My father molested me off and on from the time I was about 13. My mother said that when I was about 3 I wouldn't come out of my room because my father was a stranger to me. He was in the Navy and home on leave. He yelled at the top of his lungs "tell her to get in here before I beat the hell out of her!" Now my mother is dying from Lung cancer and because I tried to do something she wanted that I am now told upset her, I have been banned from any communication with her. I doubt she knows he had her phone blocked and I would not tell her if I got the chance to talk to her. I have to trust that he will call and let me know when she is gone otherwise I will have to watch for her obituary. So, I am on your side and wish that we who suffer similar issues could all get together and help each other. I wish you all the happiness and peace you can find.

I feel the same way as you Louey! My Dad has been nasty to me my entire life but he is even worse to my brother who is the most loving kind human being! I just don't get it. Its all I think about and it makes me sick how someone can be so mean and cruel, just brooding all day long!

hey amh99 i'm exactly in the same situation as you, my dad has always been mean and such an ******* to my family especially towards my brother, he always shows hate, anger, aggression and him being constantly jealous towards him all his life :/

I am so sorry for what you are going through. My dad and I have issues that are similar but mine didn't start until I was 18 and started making my own bad decisions. I was an only child with no other family and my dad was my hero. I was his prize. His mother was not very loving and he always craved it so he poured all of himself into loving me. I wanted for nothing and he was always there. I didn't have many friends and wasn't allowed to spend the night or have dates until I was 18. From that point it went downhill. While I'll admit I made some bad choices and took him for granted, he went from building me up to being angry, calling me names and telling me I didn't love him or appreciate anything. If I loved him, I would listen to him and put him first and not make these stupid mistakes. In 2006 I moved 1.5 hours away for a better job and the relationship continued to worsen. I was told I abandoned them, that I didn't love them and that I didn't want them in my life. It hurt so bad but I had zero desire to move home. He would say "After all I've done for you all I want is to love you and have you close and you're so selfish you can't put us first and be here with us". It's now 2015, I now live in Alabama (6 hours away) and it's still terrible. I have prayed and prayed about this and no answers point to moving back home. I'm happy. Yes, I've had heart ache and sadness from bad choices but isn't that life and learning?? I love my new city and the people in my life. But the only person I wish could see that I do love him and wanted to be a part of each other's lives refuses to talk to me and still says very hurtful things. I'll be 40 soon and I thought this would get better in time. It's just gotten worse. I will pray for all of you and healing. I don't have the answers but as I've discover know that God is love and he's your father too and I promise he loves you. It's the only thing that's gotten me through. Love to you all.

Many people tell me my hatred for my father is only because I am young and stupid, but I feel like the only thing they are listening for is my age. I am young, but I have never loved my parent, nor have they loved me. I don't remember one second when my father is not angry with me. I have three sisters that are much more successful in life than I am making me the obvious one to be picked on. His constant and relentless yelling at me is so downgrading although he believes it's encouraging me to be a better person. Even as a freshman in high school, I constantly feel like I'm being pressured to be perfect. My teachers call my parents about how I cannot concentrate in class even though they know well about my ADHD and how my father believes that such disorders don't exist and I'm just plain stupid. My mother always tells me I'm ugly and fat and my father tells me I'm stupid and I should just move out. Both always bothers me and tell me they never want to see me ever again. Since I was little, they hit and kicked me, and always gives me death threats. I'm afraid to even go home (if I can call it home) because I can see all the approving stares my family gives me. Every time he calls me a waste of space and useless and tells me how much I shouldn't exist, I believe him a little bit more. He doesn't let me eat anything in the house and never gives me any lunch money at school, and since I don't have any friends, I can't ask anyone for food. Depression eats away at me every single second, I literally hate my family.

You are not young and stupid! My brother and I are in our 40's and are still treated badly. We just don't know what to do!

he is jealous of your potential and thus has made it impossible for you to reach your potential. the aging population ...boomers..hold true to their spoiled entitled unappreciative attitude. The greatest generation sacrificed it all for them and they now dream of florida with no thought to pass on wealth now! Parents who neglect and abuse children will go to hell. our fathers are pussified ..disappointment to the greatest generation and a disappointment to their own kids....depression gets to me too. bad. I didn't get things the way I wanted either but I feel determined to keep going. being kind thoughtful patient..

:/ Same here broh : My Father too thinks he is the right person while everybody else is wrong. When he is angry , He too calls my Dreams About being a big entrepreneur . He Says me "You are doing **** about your dream" He just crushes my dream in like no time. And then i just keep thinking all day about it , That what he said , Why he said , What he was thinking when he said that, I can never be a entrepreneur ? I can never do something i actually want to? He is obviously elder than me , So he is right in anycase , He has experienced more in life . What am i supposed to do? :/ i myself dont know what to do. My father dosen't even have that much richness or anything , but he is still way more proud than anyone. Even a billionaire is not that proud of himself and actually is humble. My father earns **** and he is proud of that **** :/ ... I Too think im never gonna get a lovingly father .NEVER.

Bro I also feel the same and i would glad to move out when i will be earning money and never meet that person who ruined my whole life in frustating me he will not be happe ever thats my pray to god

The other day I was tired after soccer practice so I decided to rush through my homework. Turns out my math was being graded. And I got almost everything wrong. Normally I get really good grades so one bad grade can't be bad. NOPE. Apparently I am an irresponsible dishonest lying untrustworthy brat, oh I am also stupid according to my dad. I have done everything right so far except for this. The next day he wanted to go over math but of course I forgot my textbook at school. And he made it known again how much of an awful person I was. And then today I thought I would right down a few problems and have him go over them but that isn't good enough, he needs the whole textbook even though we are on lesson 8. And then he told me again how I needed to be better as a person or else I would turn out bad and live in a cardboard box on the street. So currently, I am crying into my pillow because all I want to do is cry and because of this one mistake I am somehow worse than Hitler in my dad's eyes. ._.

He only points out flaws and never anything good.

been there..watched as a toddler and older as sister went through it. We are talking 3rd grade cursive writing assignment 2 page report on social studies something. writing at the table with dad pacing close behind. oops. I need to erase that word with my pencil eraser which is on the other end of my pencil ..NOO! get another sheet of paper. NOO college rule..NOO regular. mom frantically finds every paper possible in triplicate. but that wont be enough. this homework assignment is going to end in tears and QUESTION WHY did you mess up..me 3rd child only male....says you are making me nervous dad. CABOOOM!!! 9 year old son dare express how he feels being tortured to write perfect till 2 in the morning. ending in a desperate escape from a wounded monster who condemns all but goes on the rampage if so much as a word is spoken against his despicable behavior.
My advice is channel that spirit you had before your angry bitter father crushed it and abandoned his key to youth...fool..kids are a gift

My dad honestly doesn't care about what I say. He yelled at me today just because I pointed out that he shouldn't question my ability or effort to cook! He claims that I disrespect everyone in his house which is not true. He is really selfish and no matter who it is, he gets mad because me or my brother point out where he is wrong. Now, he refuses to pay for my tuition anymore because of this. He has threaten to take me out school if I fail my classes which is unlikely. He only points out my failures and doesn't do anything to be more supportive. The last thing I need is to leave school and be in debt. Some dads like mine shouldn't be parents at all.

It's funny you need a license to drive, a license to be a nurse you even need a license to fish, but they let any body be a parent.

Most fathers are relied upon to have all of the answers. To be the families Superman. To never show weaknesses like emotions and tenderness, but to always be the rock that serves as the foundation. This tends to create a personality that is standoffish, rude and often cruel.

My own father was this way and at times enforced his position with violence. It wasn't until I was bigger than he was that he starting mellowing out. When he ended up getting pancreatic cancer and a tumor wrapped around his tailbone, he became despondent because the mantle had effectively passed to his son who was barely 18.

Now, when he passed away less than a year later all of the weight of the family fell onto me. I was dealing with his death, but I had to put all of my own feelings aside to become "the rock" for my mother and sister. I failed completely because I allowed the family dynamic to shift from one leader to many. As the old adage goes; too many roosters in the hen house.

When I set out to begin my own family, I understood from his poor example and my own failures that I had to find some middle ground somewhere. I spoke with my grandfather, uncle and some other male relations and discovered that my father had confided his own feelings of inadequacy in them.

Something very important needs to be understood here, until VERY recently in the human species...men were the providers and women were the nurturers. Now that we've had a shift in how we work as family units, men are becoming more and more empathetic. It's an evolution. I'm sure if your father told you stories about his own father they would mirror your own experience. That's perfectly normal. That doesn't make it right, or even acceptable...but it's normal. It's the kind of "normal" that the human species is designed to find irksome and long for change.

The first step in change...is resentment.

So "hating your father" is no more acceptable than his poor parenting decisions and attitude. It takes two people to create conflict.

Fathers are adjusting to children who are more emotionally mature than they were at their age. We struggle with how to teach someone who is more advanced than we were in every conceivable way. Some react poorly and stomp on progress for fear that you'll no longer need them once you've "outgrown" them. Others understand and accept the change and struggle to adapt because their example of fatherhood was so different. There are rare cases when men who become fathers have lost those paternal aggressive instincts and treat their children like human beings. Understand that those are rare in the extreme.

What we all need to understand is that there are no rules. A child is only as perfect as their parent and parents are only as perfect as the children they raise. It's a symbiotic relationship. That's not to say that he's cruel because you're a horrible child. It's to say that if he's to change, he needs the same time, effort and understanding as you do. You can't sit a guy down who's spent 40 years working on this persona and force him to change overnight and then hating him for being unable to do so.

Basically what I'm saying is that none of us are perfect and fathers could certainly use a refresher course in what it's like to grow up and the challenges we all face as we do so. But hating someone because their best efforts fall short is doing the exact same thing he's doing to you.

My dad is exactly like this. It made me wonder if one of my siblings wrote this.... It makes me cry to read this... It makes me feel less alone

I completely feel the same. I have a brother and we despise our father as he is never loving or caring but always angry at us. Why can't he be happy and cheerful and loving to be around...

That's exactly how I feel too: (

That's what exactly me and my sibling's thoughts and feelings towards our father. He is a retired Police Officer and ever since he is very disciplinary and strict. But as time goes by and as we grow older he always have a constant arguements with our mom. Everytime he's drunk there's so many things and criticism came out from his mouth. when we were todler yes, he is a very good father but when we're on grade school he's being very short tempered hot headed, physically and emotionally abusive kind of father to us. so everytime he's in the house we're all upstairs except my mom. Even if I'm married its really hard for me to walk around the house knowing he's there. My 3 dogs are also stressed out everytime he visits us. I don't know what it feels like having a cool dad, and I'm not sure if I still love my Dad..

I swear i feel you today my dad and mon came home from church and my mon ans i were going to pick up lunch buy my dad said he didnt wanted anything you guus go and my mom refused to go its all his fault and just tody he was telling me to do smething and i yold hin to calm down and he threw a pottable keyboard on my back i hate him so much

It sucks when people can't have a decent father these days, I hate mine and it is difficult for me not to be him when I inherit his traits. I don't have father figure I gave up on that and instead focus on how I can become a good father that I never had when I have kids.

How did you end up resolving it? I'm curious because I have a similar situation

Also he purposefully injured himself at work so he can get off work for several weeks/months by either purposefully falling off the ladder or purposefully tripping on ice

your dad's a piece of ****, just like my dad
I won't grieve for him at all when he dies of old age
this ****** used to beat us with sticks and in Elementary school I reported the beating and child protection agents came in interviewing them, after they left he beat me up again

Wow, I feel like I just read my autobiography. I feel the exact same way about my own father, although, I've already sort of grieved his loss back when he had almost lost his life because of his health (due to his own stupid decisions, refusing to listen to doctors, etc). I had regretted all te horrible things I've said to him, and all the horrible things he's said and done to me. He has always acted like a child, and was never supportive of me or anyone else really. Occassionally he'd say he loved me, but I know he was just saying that. Our relationship was not good, and neither of us were willing to try harder, and when either of us DID try, it turned bad, and we constantly rejected each others' attempts. Some 20ish years ago, my dad had some plane accident that he miraculously survived, but suffered mentally from. He still seems pretty normal, but at times, he does things or says things that don't make sense, or he tries making jokes, but a lot of them are gross or rude, or just straight-up cruel. Sometimes he appears to care about people, but most of the time, he doesn't give a sh!t. He's quite contradicting, and doesn't know how to deal with people or even his own feelings very well. He's erratic, and favours his power and control over us, than he does over our feelings and own struggles.
There was one particular incident, amongst many, where an argument got out of hand, and then he bribed me to not tell my mom what had happened. Since then, I stopped trying to be nice at all, and at that point, I didn't even want to call him my dad anymore. He's not a father to me... and I had/still don't have respect for him. Of course I respect everyone, (except him, but I'm not an immature brat either), and I understand he struggles too, but living with the burden of accepting the guilt all to myself, telling myself that he didn't know what he was doing, and couldn't control it, was destroying me.
I've now finally moved out and in with someone else, away from my home... He's back in the hospital again now, and only has maybe a few more years to live, again because of his failure to take care of his own health (he believes God will care for him, so he doesn't need to. He's a different person altogether, I don't know him anymore), but even now, I don't really feel for him. I only feel for how my mom might react to it when he's finally dead and how finances will balance. I'm short on money, and can't afford to fly back to go to his funeral if it ever comes to that, but despite having a credit card, he's not worth the debt to me. I often think I'm a horrible person for not caring about him, or be willing to make any sort of sacrifice for him. To be completely honest, so much has happened between us and the family, that I don't even remember 90% of what happened, I just remember the strong feelings of hatred towards him.

I was talking on the phone with my sister earlier today, and she mentioned my dad being in the hospital. I told her I knew, and that I don't care anymore. The conversation carried on and she told me that I don't hate him, I actually love him, just don't get along... but she doesn't know about all the things that happened, and I didn't need her to guilt trip me either. I already carry guilt about it, but not compassion, not sympathy.
I don't ever talk about this stuff because of the reactions I get from my lack of grief, and "heartlessness" I seem to possess.

Other strong feelings I usually get around, even my friends' dads, stress me out. It's not like they've ever done anything to me or tried to control my opinion of them, like my mom and dad and siblings did, but that's just how I think now. I'm only aware of my own screwed up way of thinking, because I see how everyone else trusts, and gets along with each other, like I just simply can't do. When I try to change my way of thinking, or see how harmless my friends' dads actually are, how loving and caring they are, I get extremely angry, and jealous, that I go silent and passive. I never know how to react, so I usually just avoid running into them if I can help it.

Life is a struggle, but you're not alone in this :) *hugs*

Hi guys I know exactly how you feel because my dad is the same. I come from a dysfunctional family just like most of us here and at the age of 24 now, I have realized that my dad has probably some borderline personality disorder and sees me and my brother more of an asset he is investing in than his children. I have been having a passive agressive attitude combined with silent treatment throughout these years which has caused him much frustration but that is because he would never want to hear the opinions of others or/and accept them. When I was younger I thought I was the only person in the world going through so much pain at home because it always looks like everyone goes in a family and do things together. My parents sleep in separate for as long as I can remember.. maybe 18 years or so... I have never dined in a restaurant and let alone go for a holiday with my parents and brother, all 4 at the same time, this much says it all. It is very sad when we grow in such conditions because we end up seeking love and validation from other sources and we struggle to love ourselves from the bad treatment that our dad/mom or both gave us.

I know how you feel. Today's my birthday and he is yelling at me. I am crying while while writing this. I'm turned 12.😢

I hate my father too. When I'm older and I have my own kids I (hope) to be the complete opposite of him.

I have no memory of him,other than him being an asshol (excuse my language) before the age of 10.

He was ALWAYS drunk and I hate him so much I want to kill him.

The only time he comes home are at crazy hours in the morning.
He only talks to me to tell me to do things (seriously)

he has NEVER bonded with me on an emotional level or even sat down and had a chat with me.

He also is very controlling and always controls and watches over everything I and the rest of my family do.

Also it is quite small in our town in Louisiana and he is constantly trying to control me

I have no affection towards him and also I have no sympathy for him.

I wouldn't really care if he died the only thing I worry about is how my mother would pay off the mortgage.

He has quite a few friends but that's because he is deceptive and he always talks behind their back.

He never wants to buy any thing for me e.g. last month we were visiting cousins in Washington and when my mom tried to buy me clothes he was very hesitate. But on the other hand when my sister wants to buy something he gets it straight away.

My sister is two years older than me and they bonded more before I was born so he treats her better than me and he is always talking about how I should be like her.

To be honest I might , one of these days, end up Killin him.

I think that we share the same story. My dad also isn't that kind of loving and he had never been a role model or a father figure to me. He doesn't have many friends because of his behaviour and his attitude so when he is not at work then he stays at home and critisis me. I don't have problem at making friends but I have a huge one at keeping them. Sometimes I realise that my behaviour changes and I'm becoming more like him and I hate it. Anger is the most common feeling I have for the past 2 years but I also feel pity for him because I know that he had a rough childhood and that's the reason that behaves like that. I can not say that he is the worst, I always had what I wanted like clothes, toys, vacations,,, everything but love.

I know how you feel my mum has had several breakups and relationships and one of them ruined my house..when my mum first met this bipolar guy she thaught he was so lovely and so did i but je is just pushing it now and my break away from him is overdue..i wish o had a loving father like i used to...

This is crazy. I was just curious and clicked on the Browser and searched "I need to get someone professional to help my dad because he does talks to much and speaks his mind way to much and it results in treating everyone horrible." I didn't know how to word it, but you worded everything perfect! My dad is this way exactly. I don't have that "hate" thing towards him though because when he doesn't have his fits, he's very understanding. I mean it just gets out of hand when things aren't done his way or in another words things are too "confusing" for him, because he doesn't listen or understand right away. It all has to do with the way he thinks and sometimes he just doesn't. My mother has been going through this since before I and some of my siblings were born. My mom has told me stories, and that is how I know, and I know this will continue even when I am out on my own. It won't stop. It just won't. If you gave him (or he won) a million dollars, a mansion, and his dream car, he would still have the same state of mind. All of his behavior results into arguements, confusion and negativity. And branching off of that result, it ends up being a competition for anyone who retaliates or just gives up and breaks eventually from his attitude, and blames that person for acting that way. He doesn't see what's happening or why it's happening either. He just gets out of control. It effects all of us. His behavior isn't an excuse for the way we act ALL the time, as people in general, but it does have a very big impact on us. With how much he is loved, especially by his wife, my mom, we just want someone professional to talk with him... because we never want to separate from him.

I have the exact same type of dad and I grew up as a young kid exposed to this. He scarred me and I feel at a loss. I'm in my mid teens just figuring out how f'ed up everything was. I fell into depression and severe social anxiety because of his verbal abuse. I'm trying to change my anxiety and depression but it's hard to shake something you learned from childhood. It's an ongoing fight that everyone expects not to be there. He also thinks science is all bull because he works at a company as a VP. My dream job is in medicine or pharmaceutical sales or psychiatry and observing the brain. He doesn't believe in the job and he believes brain biology and observable evidence is fake. Just gotta fight through it the best we can!

we must be living parallel lives this is identical to what I've been going through with my father since birth.

Reading what you posted brought back a stunning amount of my childhood I'm only 14 my father's a functional alcoholic who works always and if not he's over his small group of friends drinking himself to oblivion along with them! I feel like he neglects me because I have always wanted to fire a weapon and he's told me twice we would go but that was months ago.. he's verbally abusive and never listens he got mad at my mother for having a heart attack and admits to it I feel alone a lot and hope this made you feel better what you said about resembling your father's traits of anger yes I have mine as well we are sadly alike in anger which means I'm just as stupid as he is at it. I hope to become a better father then mine will ever be Im just hoping I stick to it.

I know this feeling. My older siblings and I grew up with a, delusional, alcoholic, physically abusive father, and like you I started to notice his aggressive traits rubbing off on me. To make things worst, it disgusted my mother, who as a manic depressive, was already hard to connect with. She also grew up with a alcoholic father, but her mental illness kept her from understanding what I was going through. My older siblings (1 brother and 2 sisters) became my emotional safe haven, and together we found strength. My dad humbled a bit as he got older, realizing after multiple alcohol poisoning scares, that he had a problem. The funny thing is, I don't hate my dad, and neither do any of my siblings. I stayed positive, never let hate bring me down, confronted my past and my demons, and realized that my dad was only a sad, pathetic human with demons of his own. We tend to hate our fathers because we see them as something beyond human. Stay strong and communicate!

I have no father. As I get older and older, I start to realize he's a terrible man and a worse father. For starters, he's a drunken alcoholic hypocrite. When he starts drinking, he takes out his temper on the rest of my family. The thing I fear the most is that his extremely aggressive attitude is starting to rub off onto my sister. Besides that, just recently he verbally abused my mother and grandmother, under the circumstances of alcohol of course. That day I have never felt so powerless and I didn't want to intervene to make things worse. To this day he still gives the family a terrible atmosphere. The thing is, he thinks my mother and grandmother "make the family unhappy" every time they scold my sister and I. This is clearly ironic considering he tears the family apart every time he gets drunk and feels like getting into a fight with my grandmother. He doesn't even realize what she's done for this family and what she's sacrificed, only to be rewarded with her son-in-law to treat her like an animal rather than a human being. She only takes this abuse for the sake of me and my sister's future, but these days I can see those disheartening words are getting to her, especially after his most recent tantrum. I am forever grateful for what she's done and would rather have her return o the homeland to end her suffering but she insists on taking care of me until I finish school. My so-called father couldn't care less on what happens to her and even went as far as to tell her to go drop dead. It's disgusting to have this kind of man walk the earth, let alone be a father figure. The day I take in footsteps of this monstrosity of a human being, is the day I die. The only way I can repay my debt to my grandmother is give the love to my children that I never received. As cliché as it may sound, I have to be the one that brings honor back to my family's name.

I really hate my father

I hate my father every since I was a kid all he did was put me down called me names and not just me but my brother's too and now that I'm working in another state and my girlfriend/wife is back home he thinks he can do that to her too and he knows I can't tell him anything cause he knows that we don't have any place to go

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Is there any lines to call for help please let me know asap

I can relate....

My father too, is highly opiniated. I have a different way of thinking than him, that he thinks is crap. I like liberal arts, he like science. I was forced to take science. He wanted to be an engineer, couldn't be one, wanted to make me one. I was always a straight A student, but after taking science I failed. He never got the hint and stubbornly forced me to continue science. Now, he scolds and belittles me for the tiniest things, just because I don't have a mindset like him. I hate him

My father is the same way. Its really hard to deal with a person like this. Some days are good. Some are bad. When I was younger I didn't know that he had bipolar but when I got older I started to realize that what I dealt with wasn't normal.

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My father is exactly the same, i on the otherhand have been attempting to converse and comunicate towards and to him about it,but he is too stubborn to do so and takes things offensively. He's also bipolar, and extremely rude. He doesnt REALLY act like he loves me, or else he would actually try to make me happy. I used to try to make him happy but i gave up, ive started to treat him like he treats me, yeah he really doesnt like it. He said he treats me badly because i treat him badly,well so i said to him, ill be nice if he's nice, and that includes him to stop calling me stupid and an idiot(cause its not needed and he can actually be nicer to me and teach me without being rude and hurtful) then he got REALLY mad and threw his back scratcher at me, he was soo close to getting up and kicking my ***(not really the front door was open, so i would've run out)

See I have the same problem my dad is actually a good person but the moment he drinks he becomes arrogant he thinks that he is the only r8 person in this world he has disrespected sooo many people that we don't have many relatives or friends the only reason ppl talk to us is coz of my mom he abuses us all the time never listens to our opinion I hate him like anything my mom even tried to commit suicide once but we stopped her the only reason my mom does not divorce him is that she does not have a degree or a job to fulfill our needs I personally don't think that there is anyway of changing such ppl I have totally lost hope

WOAH! Till date, i thought i was the only one who was so unlucky to have a father like this. My father an my mother had a love marriage. From the beginning, he is a work freak, does not give time to me and my mother. My mother lives in a false hope that he will realise the importance of family, me and herself one day, but i never think that ******* has the capacity to think that much. I occasionally fight with him, and we both do not talk to each other for days, sometimes weeks. But unfortunately, this effects my mother as she thinks that she is the sole reason of all this happening. She then gets physically weak which forces me to forcefully go and say sorry to that person. I just hope and pray to God that either he starts understanding us, or we find a solution in all this. I am 18 by the way.

my father was cool but short tempered until my step mom and dad got a divorce. he said at the beginning he said that we would never argue and it would be a happy stress free home. bullshit. i came home today and when i stepped in the door he got pissed cause my room wasn't clean and then i sat down at the table and he just said out of the blue.. You know im not your friend right. i am your father and never your friend. **** him. btw dont hate for the spelling im 13.

I completely understand all of you. Im already 23 years old and all my dad do is to treat me and my mum badly. He always complains, criticizes me. He prefer to listen to others rather than me or mum. Mostly his sister is always involved in our family And he always pays for his siblings expenses and their sons university fees. When i ask to do master or go somewhere he says i spend alot. I am graduating this summer and he is now forcing me to work in his company, have no social life and be under his control forever. He was never curious about me, my friends. He only complained about me. But i must say i studied in too highschool and going to graduate from top university. I thought he would feel proud but he just sees me as a dumb and useless person. I dont know what to do honestly, i want to work abroad and earn my own money but then again im stuck here im dependent and cant plan anyhing on my own because he always ruins my hopes my future plans. Tell me guys which father tells their daughter that he isnt excited to see me anymore? I study abroad, havent seen him 6 months and this is the reply i get from him. He sees me as a burden. I hate my life i just dont know what i can do.

This is exactly what is happening to me. I am 11 years old and I never new what's it's like to have a dad that will play with you, take you to cool places,.......love you. My mom really wants a divorce but I am trying for that not to happen because I know it will hurt my whole family. My dad thinks that I am the one causing this divorce, so I don't know what to do. Please, help me:(

my mum has had lots of break ups and they always ended in fights infront of me my dad slso has bipolar and my mum is getting fed up im sure the same rhing will happen to me soon and dont worry if you need me talk to me at kay0602 @icloud .com im here for you x

ikr my father is so ******* annoying mean and strict *******

I know this is an old post, but I just want to say you're not alone. About a year ago, my father became a religious fanatic. Now he's always been a thick skinned ******* who knows little but thinks he knows it all and won't hide that trait. Ever since this religious fit, anything I do that could be considered "wrong" IE: drinking, smoking, sex (this happened ages 17-18 for me btw) must mean I am blinded by Satan and need help. I am a good guy; top in the class, varsity sports, lots of friends but nothing I do will ever get his attention as a good son. He never spent time with me as a kid and wonders why we don't now. My mother is too kind to leave him because she knows he wouldn't survive on his own (work related accident left him depressed & injured and he's always been an ******* on top of that). I wish he would just disappear... but I just needed to vent, understand that it can always get better when it only seems to be getting worse. I hope you have a wonderful life :)

Thank you. This helped a lot :) this is almost exactly what is happening to me.

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my dad is a *******

Wow, that sounds just like my father, conditional love, if I don't do what he wants then he doesn't help me. Im 50 years old and he treats me like I am 16 and don't know anything. He holds things over my head to control me, my ex-husband helped me see these things, growing up I knew he was mean and miserable but didn't realize how controlling he was because I grew up that way. If he does help me in any way financially, fixing my car or something needed for my house he implies that he has to take care of me and that isn't his job and they have a lot of money. I have 2 children and if they needed something because they couldn't afford it and I had the money to help I would because they are my children and I love them and I would never make them feel like they were a burden. I am on Social Security Disability because I have severe depression and anxiety and I know you shouldn't blame people for what is wrong with you but I see now how my fathers mean, nasty personality has made me how I am, I have very low self esteem, no confidence and its because I never got any praise, compliments, encouragement or support because I was not aloud to make any decisions because if he didn't agree with them, it didn't happen.

Now my mother has Alhzeimers and he needs my help with her and to take care of the house and their bills and I feel so horrible because I feel like I don't love him, I will take care of my parents because that is my duty as their child. Deep down I know that I am a good and caring person, lots of people tell me but I hold such anger towards my father that I feel like I am a horrible person.

Sorry this is so long, I just had to vent!

Is there any lines to call for help please let me know asap

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Great testimony!! I was having serious relationship problems with my boyfriend and it had resulted in him moving out to his friend’s apartment. Everything got worse because he started going to bars and ***** clubs frequently with his friends, getting drunk and passing out. He always threatens me on phone whenever I call him because of all the bad advises that his friends has giving him. I really love him and we have been dating for 4 years which gave us a beautiful daughter. I have also lost a lot of money on therapists until I was introduced to Dr Mutuma, a powerful prophet by a friend whom he helped to get pregnant after 8years of marriage; this gave me total confidence and strength to get him back. I did all he asked and after 48 hours my boyfriend called me and rushed back home, things just changed between us emotionally. He secured a good job and stopped drinking and keeping irrelevant friends. It’s a miracle I never believed was possible because I had lost all hope until I found Dr Mutuma. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe. All thanks goes to Dr Mutuma for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in any situation you are or undergoing a heart break or any disease/sickness problem I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. Note That: he will ask you to pay a small token to get few materials to do the work. (drmutumahouseofsolution121@gmail .com) "He always keep his word"

I'm 15, and for my entire life, I've struggled with having a consistent relationship with my father. He is narcissistic, he gaslights, he doesn't show up for me, and more recently, instead of just attacking my mother, who he's divorced from, he's been attacking me. Not physically thank God... But emotionally, verbally, on Facebook and in texts. I can't and will not take it anymore. He thinks me speaking my truth is abuse? Ha! What a ******* jackass for not even trying to make amends with me. I just want to feel loved, is that so wrong?? Apparently being a dad is just too ******* hard for him, and it will never be worth it, so why even bother? I told him that until he really decides to love me and show me that he loves me, I'm not going to put up with his bullshit. That he should feel pain because of these words, because I really matter. I'm not just a person. I'm a human being, I'm his daughter, I have a heart, and he's left a lot of scars on it throughout my CHILDHOOD, because of what he's said and done, and not said and not done. I can truly say that I have no compassion for him. He chooses to not change his ways, and I will not have any remorse for him. He deserves to not have a loving relationship with his only daughter if being a terrible father is what he has decided to be. Ugh. ****.

My dad is exactly like yours. And I do see some of his traits rubbing off on me, although it doesn't interfere much with me making friends. He calls me very hurtful things when he's mad, and he always thinks he's right and that everyone should always listen to him. As a teenager, I'm utterly obsessed with YouTubers, but he doesn't understand that. I doubt he knows anything about me because I can't even talk to him anymore without getting frustrated. Any time I engage in any kind of conversation with him, we always end up fighting, and I always end up crying because he'll insult me about my weight, which I am desperately trying to lose, or he'll insult me on being like a drama queen and he'll call me a b*tch. In one of our earlier fights, I was walking away and I was kind of stomping, and he says "Yeah go away, you're as fat as an elephant." which makes me feel so insecure about myself. Also, he doesn't keep any promises. I've been waiting for him to buy me tickets to Digitour for so long now, and he always says "tomorrow", literally every day. Instead of devoting his time to me, he prefers watching TV and learning about new inventions and crap on Shark Tank. It actually makes me jealous when I see others with dads who love their daughters, and care for them. I have trouble saying 'I love you' to any member of my family because no one ever says it to me. I just wish my dad cared about me like other dads.

I'm sorry your dad is such a jerk and says terrible things to you. He's verbally abusive to call you names and criticize you. That's so wrong for a parent to do. I'm so sorry you have to endure this from him. I hope that some day you will be able to get a good job and move out!

You deserve to have a kind father who loves you unconditionally. Your father's traits remind me of my father who I regret spending time with. I suggest spending less time with your father and caring less about what he thinks. The fact that he has few friends and has lost several jobs speaks volumes. Also, because you recognize his negative traits, you will not turn out like him. Surround yourself with good people and try and forget about your Dad. Avoid him. He's a broken person and you have a great life ahead of you. Work on making your dreams come true and discuss your dreams with people who are nice to you. Few people have normal fathers. And, there are many of us like yourself who wished we had a better father. I never cried when my father died. He was a jerk.

I know it's been a while since you posted this, but I agree with you all the way. I can relate with you completely and your dad is almost exactly like my dad, and because nobody can talk to my dad about anything important he may not like, my mom divorced him. I wish I were my mom. Then I could divorce him.

Yeah me too, I hate life

My dad is saddly the same. Just a few minuts ago he said that if i dont get 100% on my exams that he would take away all my electronics (computer, iPhone, TV, Wii, ect. Anything that uses electricity) for a whole year (its january). When i told him that it was a bit rediculous, he told me that i had to copy my 20 pages of steady notes 10 times over. WTF. Sigh. He just sits at home all day while i get bullied at school and when i get home he's the one who's all angery. I wish i was jesus. He had a great father.

Im glad I'm not the only one suffering from the same situation...I know that mine will always be the same person and I just wished that he would try to understand more rather than always thinking hes right and forcing his opinion on others and he thinks he knows more about me than I know myself. I don't want to hate him cause life is too short to get carried away by stress and just too much anger at the same time..my dad is not exactly an ideal dad I look for in a dad. :(

You're not alone is all that I can say. My dad's the same,and all I do is hope that he just goes away from our lives.

Jesus, this was posted in 2007, I hope you've now overcome that issue... Unfortunetly, all you wrote happens to be my story aswell, I'm 16 and I just want to leave the house, I'm a hard worker, I'm not good at studying, but I've helped him thousands of times in his job, I always clean the house, yet all he does is take away my money given to me by my grandparents or my birthday/christmas gifts, saying he'll return it, but never keeping up with his word... Also, he spends a lot more money on his nephews without hesitating, rather than me and my sisters, he forbids me of being with my friends, and he's not afraid of embarrassing me in front of them, he is always on a bad mood, insulting my mother, me, my sisters and his parents with horrible names, he does nothing for the house, other than bringing money by selling cars (which are often bought with my mother's salary) and when he is on a good mood, that never lasts more than 30 min, he does childish stuff, such as burnouts in public parking lots, which are rather embarrassing since he is the only person doing them, plus he is alone, and whenever he is with his friends, he is never the same person... He has no respect for my personal needs, he is a total innocent, and I just can't put up with this figure anymore

im exactly the same here my dad is a narcisist and basicly exactly the same as your dad no diferent so your not the only one :/

Why do so many people have dads (and sometimes mothers) that are so angry? My dad will come and literally LOOK for a reason to make my family feel terrible. We've confronted him about his verbal abuse before but I'm starting to think people can't change which scares me. He hurts my brother verbally and I worry for him so much. What do we do?

Miserable people sometimes try to make the people around them miserable too. That is why your dad looks for a reason to make the family feel terrible. He is mentally ill. I'm sorry that you have to live with that abuse. Is there a school counselor that you can talk to?

my dad is the exact opposite and I hate it. he acts like he doesn't know anything, and if you tell him something that he doesn't like, he won't actually ever admit it, he'll just say that you won't like it, when really I actually do! and if it is okay to him, he'll say ahh duhh ahhh ok.....? like wtf, I kinda feel bad for him; it's like he never took control of his life...

my dad dosent let me go on my phone and cant leave the "studying" room until dinner. this is our first year studying and he expected over 70% in my half yearly exam. when i get 79% he dosent seem happy. the next day my brother gets his marks and he gets 77%. i was still in year seven. from the start of the summer holidays before high school i wasn't even allowed to play video games or even go on our COMPUTER. and then after getting 79% he says next time get 90% when this was our first year studying. he says we can only play on Sundays up to 12 noon. when i get my yearly marks he says whoever gets 85% and over can only play. but when my brother gets 71% he says reboot my computer, pack up my xbox and never allowed to play, never even check the time on my phone and cant leave the room until we have dinner. today he says if i make you eat **** for dinner u eat **** and if i don't get 95% next year (which is gonna be 2x harder) i will be kicked out of the house. and then he said to my sister if you don't get highs in your report ill rip your head apart. i was thinking this is the shittest dad ive ever had. so now id get kicked out now or wait another year of studying and HELL IN MY ******* HOUSE WITH MY ******* DAD i dont want to so ill probably get kicked out because this dad is the most painful dad so i hope you know how my life feels and now i want to kill my self i really want to complain to my dad and yell at him but his like the leader of a prison

i know how you feel. Its like a monster you're trying to get rid of but that monster is your father. My own waste of space as a dad was about to hurt my sister and my mum didn't do anything and i got into trouble by my mum because i stopped him from hurting her. i really wish i could be someone else but it cant happen. just try to stay and keep your calm in fact if you really hate him just ignore him. Because unfortunately thats the bitter side of life.

my dad shows all his anger towards me when something bad happens to him outside because of him.because of his erratic behaviour my family lost about 15-20 crs of money this happened when iwasnot born .loss of money he pressures me to get job my age is only 18.now all my family looks towards me for further living

Everyone I tell about just says that I have to deal with it. You only have one true father and there's no way of escaping. You have to just keep your cool and not shout at him as payback, because that will make him much more angry

My dad isn't very much like yours, but in a way he's just as bad, if in a different way. I'm so scared of turning out like him.
And he's moving in with me now, bringing his girlfriend and his crap all over again.
He's an alcoholic, and he's irresponsible and he's never around, and honestly, I've lost faith in him.
My mother says I should try to get along with him. But I don't want to, because it won't take him long to let me down again. :(

i can understand. My dad is also like that.

My husband was raised by a father who betrayed and rejected him and his sisters in favor of his new wife and her son. His father even disowned him and gave his stepson his inheritance! Despite all this, I watched for years as my husband tried everything to earn his father's love. Finally, a few months ago, he gave up when he discovered that his dad had thrown away all the pictures of him in the river years ago. I met those parents, and they are twisted people. My husband is a bitter, angry man, and he is very difficult to live with because his parents ruined him. He is an alcoholic, and I am suffering today. Please realize that you can't earn your father's love if he can't or won't give it. I am sorry that you are suffering so much rejection. There is a Christian book called The Blessing, and it can help you understand what the blessing is that fathers should give to their children, and what you can do if you don't get that blessing. I hope this helps.

Your response is very wise. I too was raised by an emotionally abusive father who favored his son over is daughters. He drank and was very self-centered. I threw away pictures of him years ago. Because my father drank, I don't drink. Because he was angry and mean, I refuse to be angry and mean. Because he didn't love his children unconditionally, I love my children unconditionally. Because my father wasn't there for me many times and yelled and swore at me, I am always here for my kids even though they are now adults too!

We can learn from our parents abusive behavior and decide not to be like them. My Dad was a jerk and I shed no tears when he died.

Take care of yourself and know that you deserve better. May you find peace and kind people who will comfort you.

i'm 16 years old, and i have lived with my dad the past 5 years due to a lot of **** that happened to my mum in my childhood. any way he constantly calls me stupid and dumb. He sometimes calls me pathetic and threatens to hit me if i "talk back". for instance i smoke and i usually get 20-30 a week but all i wanted was a few pounds to get myself some baccy because otherwise i get really angry without it. withdrawal symptoms and all. he wont give me any because i ate upstairs and my desk was messy. i cleaned that up and he still said no. today i asked him to leave me baccy and he just left a note calling me dopey and telling me all the things i did wrong yesterday. i have never heard my dad apologize or even say he loves me, never all i get from him is insults and judgement i never get praised. the only person who ever supports me is my mum. thats why they broke up because he is too grumpy. i have left him a note saying im sick of him being stick for his amusement and unfair punishments and to stop holding the mistakes they make against them. and that he needs to grow up. at this point i dont care if he hits me or not or punishes me if he treats me like **** i will treat him like **** and if he ******* hits me ill hit him back there is so much anger and frustration within me i hate his guts and i will be hostile to him until he treats me like i am not 5 years old and only a year and a mont from adult hood

Your father is a very abusive man, and it would be helpful if you talked to a domestic violence hotline, or a counselor at your school. No matter how perfect a woman could be, she will never be "good" enough to stop the abuse. A miserable man will stay that way, because he will never face his own issues. No one can "save" him, otherwise, he would be normal and happy by his OWN choice by now. You can get help to become emancipated from your dad, and rebuild your life without the hindrence of any man. If you choose to get married someday, it should be to a man who has a high paying job, and who is nice to you and everyone in his life. Quality is worth waiting for. You are quality, too, and you deserve the best. God bless you.

I cant tell you how much i can relate. I have been going through this with my father now. It is so difficult to manage. If it helps any, you are not alone.

As a parent of two adult sons, it breaks my heart to read these stories. If I met a young person with an abusive parent, I would try to help them in some way that was appropriate. My point is that there are other kind parents out there who will help teenagers and children. Look for a safe place to live with another family. Do you have a classmate with parents who will take you in? And report any abuse from your father to the authorities.

Woah. This is my father "to a T". (Just add in some physical abuse when we were younger). I hate to say that it makes me feel better knowing I am not alone about something so awful. I can honestly say that he has completely destroyed me as a person, and that even though I have always had a tender and loving spirit, I feel that with the person that he is in my life that I never had a chance. And through it all, I am looked on as the one now that is such the " failure" because of the drama he casts and simply does not want to reflect, or work on on himself. I know the way this comes off sounds as if I am blaming him for it all and not taking accountability.. And yes I do need to find the strength within myself again. My Spirit has simply been so destroyed that I'm not even sure how to do that anymore. Some people could argue that life could be worse if you had never known a father, and I am Not diminishing individual struggles with this--but for me personally I know that point blank if he had never been in my life that I would be a complete 180 in terms of my personal peace and success etc. Even if I Did have "abandonment issues" or anything relating to that if he hadn't been in my life, it is still a fact that I (and my Brother--even my Mother more than likely) would still have our spirits intact. I would be eons better off without ever having known him. I guess "they" do say that the people that hurt you the most have the most to teach you..I suppose I still have a lot to learn. Be Blessed all~ J.

Please don't give up on becoming a whole person! It will take a while to feel normal and hopeful again, and it can be done in small steps. The first thing you should do is to be gentle with yourself, and be your own best friend. Pamper yourself, as you would do after a hard, grueling day, by taking a bubble bath, buying yourself flowers, or hanging out with a friend. If you can, reaquaint yourself with something you used to do that you enjoy, perhaps learn something new, or volunteer somewhere. You will soon discover what you love, and who you are. Don't let who you are be lost or put away in the closet by any man or woman, and you will flourish. God will help you heal, if you pray.

My dad is exactly like yours honestly If osama bin Laden was still alive I would have paid him millions maybe even billions to ******* give him the most painful death possible

I would do it too!! Totally agree, my father caused nothing in me but pain, i always wish he dies

This sounds so much like what me and my siblings went through.. I always wished that I could have a relaxed father that I could talk to without being scared stiff of him. My dad always tells us that we don't communicate with him but when we tried talking to him about anything big or small. .. he was always too busy on his computer and got irritated whenever we tried to talk to him. . Working full time and holding down a voluntary job on weekends was busy work but on weekends we all had to put in a full afternoon of work at home and gardening. . We never complained but we were constantly yelled at for not working hard enough when in actual fact we were working very hard. Our Father didn't help with this work he just used to sit and tell us what to do and yell at us if everything didn't go absolutely perfect... even our mum had noticed and towards the end she was bring told off for the stupidest things. If something was broken by us he was irate. . He really has anger management problems. When he gets worked up he sometimes throws things around in a rage. .. he acts like a spoilt child who never grew up... but when visitors come which is extremely rare as father was always very antisocial he will act like he is a great father sometimes even joking around with us...but as soon as the visitors leave he goes back to his real self. ..
he has us in tears frequently and he always twists our words to get us in trouble and when you try to explain he has misunderstood he gets irate and says you are back chatting. .. i think maybe the time has come to leave home. .. it's made me a very nervous non confident person. ..The only time I feel like I have a real life is when i am away from him and with workmates or my real friends. I don't hate my father but I wonder if he hates me. .. The way he acts certainly implies that. .!

OMG! If you can get away from that ogre, please do! He sounds like an irrational, twisted person to me. He seems delusional and severely mentally ill.

Wow, it was as if I was reading my own life. My dad doesn't call me mean names, but he's screwed up. He's rude, obnoxious, and self-righteous, and the way he treats my mom makes me hate him all the more. My mom is trying to afford my brother and I to go to school and he just thinks she's cheating. Sometimes I wish she were so we can leave this lunatic. A lot of my traits are coming off on me, and like you, I'd rather die than be like him.

I hope we can all grow into our own skin...

I don't know what do to do we just got out of an argument that he always starts and then he stops in th middle because he is so called tired. It is about me and gaming but my grades are fine and I don't bother him or say stuff about him what should I do I will never know he never gets me but I get him but his way is too harsh and borin he wants me to go to the library read 1 hour and come home then read 20 more min at night and play for 2 hours i basically spent more than half my day for study and the fact that this is summer vacation. He makes me do more than I do at school days.

Our dads have a lot in common. I don't get why is there a need to yell constantly. Honestly, my siblings and I are terrified of him and this has develop into an unhealthy relationship. We do not talk to him and will deliberately try to avoid him just so we don't get criticized for no reasons. For example, I am 5 ft 5 and weigh 110 pounds but I have been told by my dad that I am fat and I should go lose some weight. Also, I got my summer internship at a company with good reputation after going through the grueling process of write resume , cover letters and interviews , I have to reject it after he decided that the company wasn't good enough for him . I ended up interning at a small company in my rustic town that I can't even put it on my résumé because I didn't learn anything useful. I have come to think that he might be bipolar but I am honestly terrified of being near him as I have grown into an adult without any self-confidence due to the frequent criticisms.My mom thinks that my dad really want to push us to become better individuals that strive for success. Hence, it is apparent that my mom is always on my dads side despite the yelling. Sometimes I wonder why my dad can't be caring like other dads. I get jealous when I think of how close my friends are with their dads.

I also feel that, excatly the same way...sometimes i spend hours watching my neighbors lovely dads having healthy fun with their children, loving them unconditionally and never losing the temper, or that rare times, not as huge and furious as my dad

My father is somewhat similar, I'm 19 and still unemployed I've been looking for a job for ages after I lost my previous one which was ages ago and my dad just won't let it go, it's almost like he lives from the thought of me failing life, I can't remember the last time I've hugged him.

In every single argument we have he brings up the past and makes me feel like ****, he verbally abuses me when he sees fit and sometimes when i retaliate he goes mental. he has smashed up my room before and thrown me out a few times. He hides this side of him from my mother because he knows I love her and can talk to her about anything but when it comes to that she is on his side. He never admits he is wrong and when you try to prove him wrong he always has a reason why he is right how ever stupid the reason is.

I used to be 18 stone and he always called me fat boy, I've lost weight since and I'm now 13 and a half stone but I will never feel comfortable with my own body, because his voice just runs though my mind. It's getting worse and I think if it carries on much longer i will leave home for good and never see him again, he's making my life hell and that hurts me even more because he is supposed to be my father who loves me.

my dad looks similar he uses more mild and abused language u can never imagine i wish i could get my job early and as soon as possibleand get rid off him

its kinda good to know that i'm not alone. i wish i could have a warm loving father that dosen't care about his smartphone and cat more than his family, verbally abuses his family but is nice to his fake freinds, thinks hes allways right, is a huge hypocrit, tries so hard to make everybody in his family feel like crap, is full of pride, wasts money on things he dosent need while we barely have any money to spend except for bills or food, hase a short temper and a spiteful nature and is not full of pride and hatefulness. i dont hate my dad but i can't love him anymore. (OMG im crying right now)

well, i dont mean we are poor but he wont stop spending money on useless crap.

so glad I'm not the only one. my dad has made mine and my families lives hell. he suffers with bipolar disorder and does the exact same things you have described. We don't have a lot of money at the moment yet he had loans to buy things like Rolex' and expensive bikes and clothes. He is very nasty to everyone. He had had affairs and my mum keeps trying to leave him but she's just not strong enough. I want a father figure but I really do hate him, I'm embarrassed of him and his behaviour disgusts me. I do not want to end up like him.

U should hate him

I feel for all the people above, i have the same problem over here. but i realized something...we dont really hate-hate our dads, instead we are just incapable of loving them anymore. we are almost always at the top of our class, doing everything to enter and survive in the best university in our country, trying everything to make them proud-this is love. BUT DUDE they never love us back as if everything is about money money and money. I think the best way to be not like them is to love ourselves and do silly things that will make us happy. it is true we CANNOT choose our fathers but I believe everyone of us can choose to be happy. <br />
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dream.leave.run.chase.go.be happy.