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He Told Me I Was a Failure

I wouldn't say I hated my dad, but I dislike him and I begin to wonder if I should even call him my dad anymore.

As soon as my sister was born, I was forgotten by him. My whole life has gone by with him always siding with my sister, with him always going out his way for her and with him always shouting and losing his temper at me. Now, to clarify, I am actually a good daughter. Especially in comparison to my sister who is 18, and is quite the rebel. She swears at my parents all the time, whereas I have never even gone as far as to tell them to 'shut up'. Yet, my father cannot be nice to me at all. He loves my sister, but he does not love me.

He told me I was a failure, because I wanted to change my university degree choice from Maths to English. He calls me stupid all the time, and he always looks at me in disgust and shakes his head looking down on me. I have searched for reasons as to why he does not love me, but I can come up with none.

I seek his love so much, whenever he shouts at me I can't help but cry, and I am nearly 21 years old. When my mother shouts at me, it doesn't have the same effect. It is just my father, he sends me to tears all the time. I want him to love me, but he doesn't.

So why do I try?

 

Oyia Oyia 18-21, F 4 Responses Sep 14, 2009

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Yes, i know exactly how you feel. My parents had 3 girls, im the youngest, and my oldest sister and I have always been the" black sheep" of the family. no matter how nice or good we are, we never can please our so called father. but my middle sister who's lived a wild life, she used to curse at my parrents while in high school, and she lived with a boyfriend, and my dad bailed them both our from Nevada, Las Vegas< cause they couldnt afford to come back to connecticut. and now since shes divorced he gives her and her daughter money all the time, and buys them a car, while I , who still lvies at home, get nothing from him,a nd my mom is a "pacifist" she acts like everything is ok? now hes starting to get dementia, I think, going psychotic on us, yelling at us over little things, and the other night he called me" a Failure" do you know how that makes me feel? just cause i dont make alot of "MONEY". hes one sick puppy! i love my dad, but dont like him, you know what i mean? it hurts my oldest sister and me, that he plays favoritism to the middle child, and he treats us badly, i feel hurt but am thinking of moving in with my oldest sister, or my friend Janet, its not worth it. Im a christian, and i walk in forgiveness, but that comment put a "HOLE IN MY HEART"> and i cant get close to my dad anymore. its so sad, can anyone give me advise?thanks.

There comes a time when you'll have to realize that you can't do anything but just be. You have a good head on your shoulders, believe it or not, and pretty soon you'll be out on your own. It will be your choice as to whether or not you can establish a civil relationship with him, but for now, concentrating on yourself is the best path.

I have a father like this! He will always point out the negative things I do and criticize me but never praise me for anything. I understand how you feel. I think the best thing to do is realize he has high standards, and that when he feels those standards haven't been met he will criticize/demoralize you until you "shape up." Whether you decide to or not is your choice.. but know that he probably doesn't mean to make you feel that way, it's likely just the way he was brought up.

Dont let him bring you down.. You're too good for him!