Sick.

I have never had a good relationship with my father. He was always the man who was "there" in my life, but it was never a constant. I did everything that I could to solidify my worth to him. I would join sports that he wanted me to in school. I started diving just so he would watch me at practice, but I hated it. I quit after a month. I did dance for 15 years but he would only go to a recital or competition if my mother made him. He just never cared.

Flash forward. I graduated from college and moved back into my house. It was just awkward. I hated living there and I was totally done with the entire situation. Everyday was a new fight with both my parents. Every minute that I could get away I did. My brother sensed that I wasn't really happy and took me out to dinner one night, at which point I told him about my feelings about my dad. I felt that he may be cheating on my mother. He was really distant and strange. It seemed so normal that he would be cheating. My brother said he had already confronted my father on his behavior and that wasn't the case. No one knew what was really going on.

He was spending all his time in the garage. That would be pretty normal if he was fixing a car or something. Anything that would validate so many hours in there. I went in one day to see if he was just watching **** on his television, but I didn't see anything weird, at first. Then I pressed the TV/Video button. 

Live video feed. Of my bedroom. My father was watching me. The feed was of my bed. Was is there forever? Months? Years?

I have no idea. I haven't spoken to him in months. I moved out of my house that day and I am moving out of the state in a few weeks. After I found out what was going on, I got fired at work because I couldn't focus on "customer service." Although, I had been given a promotion to manager a month before this entire situation. I've lost my whole life.

My mother and I can't get along because she may want to stay with him after what's happened. I don't really care, but I will never allow him into my life again. I don't have children yet but.. their lives? C'mon. He's not going near my children. Is he going to give me away at my wedding? NO. 

He is completely cut from my life. He chose the bed in which he lies. I don't give a **** about remorse either. He's pissed and scared because he got caught. Not because he did what he did. If I didn't find it, he wouldn't have stopped. He's a monster. 

Every relationship that I ever encounter in my life will be irrevocably impacted by his sickness. 

FML.

angel818 angel818
22-25, F
Feb 20, 2010