Too Long

I guess the story starts before i was born, recently Ive found a book written by my mother about her life married to a alcoholic,  manic depressive. non of this was a huge shock to me iv always known that my dad had ruined my mums life the day  they got married ,but i didn't realize that was all he ruined, reading the book i found out of how he broke her from a successful women in to a scared lonely mother. as i sat and read through the book i found out how he missed my birth for an affair in a cheap hotel and how he turned up drunk to my christening and how he spent all my mothers money and left her in thousands and thousands of pounds worth of  debt. when my mum finally divorced him when i was the age of 4 and my brother 8 he moved to the other side of the country, he helped in no way to raise us to take the school runs, go shopping or make sure we were happy, on the occasional time we did see him i was mostly disappointed he broke numerous promises and almost all the time he toke me and my brother out it was to pubs where he would drink to much then drive us home, this lack of care and emotion towards me and my brother has scared me for life i will never be able to trust him or relay on him and to be honest i don't think i would ever want to. hes done many unforgivable thing in my life and my brothers and my mothers yet i find myself being polite to him when and if he rings i find myself infuriated at the fact i cant tell him how much i hate him! I always wondered what it was that has stopped from telling him for so long and recently i have figured it out, its not the fear of what he will do or how he will react or the fact that for so long i;v wanted to tell him but because I'm afraid I'm afraid that if i tell him i will just be re-living what my mum went thorough all those years ago and I'm scared that if he reacts with anger and depression he will project them on to my mum and i just cant let him not again. 


delahaye18 delahaye18
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 26, 2010

delahaye18, try to let go of the anger and hate it will consume you, you do not have to like him you can treat him like any other person that you call a acquaintance, mostlikely if you told him it would make no difference to him,he cares for now one but himself so he will never understand don't waist your time or your life.God Bless goahead