My Dad Hates Me

i have been abused by my father my whole life. i have endured phsical, emotional, and mental abuse from the man who was  supposed to protect me. i dont necessarily hate him, i hate what he does and who he is, but he's still my dad so that love comes natural. i used to get beat for making a "c" in math in elementary school. he would wake me up early on the weekends and make me clean the house all day til i was done-while my sister (who is 2 yrs younger than me) got to sleep and play. my dad gave me my first black eye & bloody nose when i was 9 for fighting with my lil sister and than made me clean the blood out of the carpet. i would get whipped with belts til i had welts for minor things. when i was around 16 the abuse got worse bc my dad got addicted to drugs. i had braces so he would hit me til i'd bleed from my mouth. one time i was taking a bath & my dad yelled at me to get out  & help him & my sister find something he had lost. i quickly threw a towel around me & looked all over my room with him right behind  me. i couldn't find what he was looking for & i told him i couldn't. he hit me & i fell back on my bed keeping my towel on & he hit me again & again blood was flying out of my mouth & nose on to the wall. i was screaming at him to stop and my sister had to pull him away from me. he used to take my fist & make me punch myself & would tauntingly say, "quit hitting yourself." when he would get real angry & yelling his face would turn red, his eyes would bulge out, he'd spit & get right in my face. it was scary. he would always tell me how much i disgust him & he couldnt stand me. he even told me once he'd kill me. my dad was bad on drugs. he eventually quit his job & started to cook meth. he'd make me my mom & sister travel around the state buying what he needed to "cook".  of course i was out of control as was my sister. over a period of one summer the cops were called to our house almost everyday-sometimes three  times a day for fighting or just getting into trouble. i left the house when i was 18 & moved in with my boyfriend & ended up pregnant. my dad ended up going to prison for 13 months. when he got out he was different but still mean and still abusive. he started talkig down to me my mom & sister. he would call us trash, disgusting, dumb, worthless, etc. he has completely destroyed my self image. he has screamed at me in front of my daughters & hit me a lot in front of them. when  he found out i was pregnant with my son he kicked in my door & hit me over & over til my shirt was bloody from my nose & mouth. he almost caused me to miscarry when i was 6 mos pregnant with my son by pushing me against the washer & hitting me repeatedly. he had to be pulled away by my mom. my dad told me 2  montshs aago he hates me for having kids. my dad has almost destroyed me mentally & emotionally. i stay away from him now & so do my kids.i'm getting ready to start counseling & i hope it helps. if you are being abused by your father or anyone in any way please get help. no one deserves to be abused no matter what.