My Father Was An Obstacle To My Development As A Person

My dad has always been an obstacle for my personal developmet if I could do a brief explanation to how he made every stage of my life a living hell...

CHILDHOODI could say my childhood was a happy one, I played whit my friends, went to school, watched my favorite shows on TV, but even as a child I loved videogames but he never got me one, instead I got my SNES as present from my aunt and my N64 by myself by selling CDs at the time when nobody had a cd-burner,  I also hated how he only let me play on the weekends even since I always got good grades and one in a while I got in the top of the class. I also was the elder of 4 childrend and I HATED how he always blamed me just because I was the older one and he belived I will always start the figths since I was the stronger one, besides that belive me it is really anoying to share a room whit 2 brothers, in a middle sized house, I never had a moment of privacy to study, read, or watch tv by myself or just those times when you just want to relax.

TEENAGE YEARDS in my teenage years things just started to get worst, I have always been physically atractive and I liked to take good care of my looks, using good  skin and hair products, and he always criticized me for that...what an Idiot he was using very expensive anti aging products while I was using just a basic cleaning regime.He also never let me go out at nigth whit my friends even than I never got in trouble, not even once, I never did drugs, smoke and I barely drink soccialy since I really don't like alcohool, I wanted to do sports like football(soccer), ninjitsu athletics or gymnastics, but he never gave me the money or even a ride to do them in fact latter on I mannaged to be trained in attletics whit one experienced cuban coach since I showed promissing, even that I started training at a relatively late age.. BUT I LOST MY CHANCE because he wanted me to go to work  because he belived it would made me responsible (but I already was responsible why everithing) whats worst is that he made me do that afther I graduated from high school, I was sooo tired because I came out of one of the harder schools of my country and even than all the assigments were to be made on word, he never got me a computter no matter how I begged, so I had to go to friends houses when they were free to do homework there was times than I didnt sleep at home for entire weeks...he was a congressman at the time and the idiot didnt even get me a PC  and didnt even got a car for my mother....instedad he was what we call in my country "  lamppost on the street, cancle at home" he was paying for church repais in little towns givving soccer uniforms to poor farmers, paying for surgeries of poor people while his own family was practically eating ****...he ad a salary of arround $ 5,000 a month  for 3 years...AND HE EVEN DARE TO SPEND ALL MY CHILDHOOD AND TEENAGE SAVINGS that was arround $ 1000-1,500

MOVING TO THE USA arround 2000, he lost his re-election campain, and that meant ruin for the family.. he never saved any money and there was times when we didnt even had electricity or telephone service...we even lost our home wich was a stupid mistake of him because for 3 years he was getting paid 5,000 a month while our home was only arround 50,000... so he brainwashed us to go and lie in the US ILLEGALLY....**** that was hell...while I loved how people was more educated and the place was nice It was a living hell for me to go to college I used a loophole which allowed me to go to college paying recidence fee, and besides that I was working at mcdonalds and other restaurants...I REALLY HATED THOSE JOBS!!!! and once againg  which I got when I worked for 6 months before starting college they were so stresfull and people where always yelling at me...coworkers were uneducated and ignorant mexicans who could not understand that I could not do extra hours because I was going to college..and once again my dad STOLE ALL MY SAVINGS OF ARROUND $ 4000.4 years latter there was a time when something gave a complete spin to my life: I was whit somefriends chating at a restaurant and then the topic of were you work came to the of them as working as a java programer, the other as an assistant in a chermical lab, the other one in a bank as an accountting assistent....and I was working on SUBWAY....I was so ashamed  that I just told them was just told them I was just going to college at the time...that made me realize than I had to go back to my country were I would have a chance to work as a computer engeneer...I didn-t want to be a burger fliper for the rest of my life...problem is I never told my friends I was living there illegaly...people think all Illegal aliens are just uneducated guys who sit by home depot and feel realized by making tacos at taco bell....however when I told him about it he told me if I went back he would never suport me and tell all of my aucles and aunts to not lend me a hand...arround that time I also meet one ex girlfriend who was the first who I really loved a lot, she was living in my country but we were keeeping a long distance relationship and she came to visit me a cople of times..however everytime my dad saw me chatting whit her on the webcam he yelled "there is that stupid chinese girl again" and one time when she went to visit me  and I was formally going to introduce her to my family he already knew she was in the US and told me he was going to tell her to go to I just wen back and out and told her flat out "my father is an idiot there is no need for you to knoe him.."..many more things happened, he didnt like my sister to go out and beat her up, so she hate him too, in fact she havent speked to him for 4 years already, my mon asked for a divorce etc...then he was caugth using a fake ID so he fleed back to my country...lucly for him he inherited  a propiety valued on arround $160,000 and he was encoraging us to come back, my brother came back while I was just waiting to get my bachelors degree, he even promised me to gave me my money afther I graduated I dediced to return...

BACK IN MY COUNTRY so when I came back nothing was as I was expecting it to be...I ended up living in my aunts house(by father's sister) a lady how has been whit her son and daugther the same way my father have been whit us... it was hell on earth, since I was already diagnossed whit anexiety dissorder, and chronical depression I always felt stressed and never could have peace my cousing wet to sleep hearing loud music at 2 am and my grandfather wake up hearing loud music at 5 took a figth whit my brother to realize wee neded to live apart since there was too many people in such a small house, I beated him so badly he didnt went to work for 3 days....and when we moved out we went to live to the ugliest house ever, no door worked, there was only one 2 rooms, one living room and one bedroom....and now that I was back in my country he decided HE WAS NOT GOING TO GIVE ME MY MONET BACK....worst of all is that It has been so hard to find a job because of the economic crysis I barely have expereicne in real IT jobs because in the US  whitout legal documents you can only get the jobs nobody wants, and because  of my anexiety and depression dissorders I wont be abble to hande one of those call center jobs  that are popular in here...besides that I have a bachelors degree already!!! I want a real IT JOB!!!! sometimes I have even considered suicide an option to just scape of this life...rigth now my girlfriend is maybe the only reason I havent done that....luckly my aunt has addmitted me into his company so I could get some job experience and finally star a path to scape from the hell on earth I have been father lost his daugther already and soon I will NEVER speak to him again oh and you know what??? he already spend $ 140,000  ins his stupid bussines projects like one lifestock farm...but instead of consulting succesfull breaders who have the best bred for farming he constulted uneducated farmers and got a lot of mutts  so he wasted arround 40,000 on that project... father.. goog luck on whatever you are going to do once you spend all the money you have left, dont expect me to help you since you have made my life a living helll I HATE YOU!!

ninjastud ninjastud
26-30, M
8 Responses Apr 14, 2010

thank you for sharing. I am currently experiencing the same situation..

After reading your blog I get the feeling that you had a breakthrough about your own personal success in life. My father is difficult to say the least. A good conversation with him starts about him and ends about him. Any person in this family who wants to assert themselves in front of my father gets the boot.

Your story is very reminescent of bad fathers syndrome. Alot of bad fathers have deep seated problems. My father had excessive support from people at a young age. And instead of being thankful he is a vicious person incapable of real feelings about his family.

Every story that he begins is frought with lies about males in our family. His younger brother Richard is always treated with disdain and blame. My father is such a bad person. Everything he says is selfish and hateful and his hatred is 100% see through and full of mean spirited anger at his younger brother, myself, and all the males in the family.

See the pattern. Your fathers strictness may be from his jealousy of you and other males in his family. My ex girlfriend bemonaed some story about her father complaining he wasn't loved.

It may be true. Or it maybe that alot of fathers beat up their family when they have jeaously issues.

My father is so very toxic that the happiness that I feel, he is out of control.

His conversations are dangerous mix of jealousy and he has emotional problems.

Good luck.

I would like to share my experience with you guys about my dad:( <br />
<br />
Well my mum was nine months pregnant my father left for another country and he didnt come back for 7 years. From the day I started understanding what was going around me I missed my dad. My mum built this great image of him in my head. That image of him was equivalent to god to me. When I was 3 or 4 I remember my mum talking to my dad and crying and I heard my dad was with some women and they had a baby together. I didnt understand what marriage meant at that time and still loved my dad like anything and wished he would come back. I used to chant this "mantra" which priest taught me a thousand times a day so that my dad would come back. I used write to him and make 2 cards everyday. I used to stare at every plane in the sky and wonder if he was on it and while not knowing I used to wave at it. I got punished by my teachers several time for distracting the kids around me and the punishment was usually a jab with a pen in the hand or hit with a ruler but I still did not stop. <br />
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After waiting for 7 years of my life my dad did come back and I was horrified to see his actual real personality. On the first day he came back he separated me from my mother and sent me to sleep with my grandparents. (My mum and I were inseparable I had not been without her in seven years. I was very dependent on her as she was my only source of love. I could not stay without her when she was at home and when she went to work I had to be distracted and cried for several hours and slept till she came home.) On the second day he slapped me for not understanding the difference between "their" and "there". And so the abuse continued till he left again to return to the country he came from which was around 2 months. <br />
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He came back a year after again with his illegitimate child and for him used to beat up/abuse my mother, grandma and me and sometimes my brother. We had not told anyone of his doings. After this when I was 8 he took me and my brother away to the country he was living in and from then onwards the abuse grew for me. I was hit everyday from small reasons and had to apologize to him for the things I did not know were wrong. <br />
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I am sorry will complete my story at a later time or maybe never. All I can say is I 21 years old in uni and stronger now tthen ever. I usually dont open my mouth about these things because people judge you or look at you with sympathetic eyes which I cant stand.

Well <br />
Sorry to hear about your father :( I feel bad for you but atleast your out of that mess

And I thought my father was bad.

my father stole my savings too. They amounted to $50 000. I am 27 years old and have got university degree but haven't been able to find employment. I hate him. I am ruined emotionally. He not only stole my savings but also I haven't got the slightest idea where my money went! It feels like I am dead being alive.

Today was the worst day of my life and quite possibly the one that will determine whether I do have a good relationship with my father forever...worst day ever :(((

Wow, here I was thinking I was the only one who felt this way about my dad.<br />
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I would like to share more on this, can I?