Psychotic Is Her Name...

My son's wife is such a psycho! When he first brought her into our lives we accepted her without  pause. She & her mother quickly changed that around! Both women seem to be very jealous & competitive natured. We (hubby & I) tried to be friendly with her mom. We were planning the baby shower together & her mother was constantly calling us saying the most horrendous things about our son & his wife! We thought she was just under stress & needed to vent until she told us to make the shower the "gift" because she had just finished paying "a boat load of money" for the bridal shower & she really didn't have the money for a separate gift. She also told us that if we walked into the shower with a big gift she would feel like we were trying to "one up" her. We agreed to purchase something for our grandchild after the shower so as to avoid any issues with her mom & keep the peace. Her mom went ahead & bought them the glider rocker they wanted & wasn't going to say a thing to us. Her mother also was calling them & telling them it was us saying the meanies against them. Our daughter-in-law (DIL) has since been on a rampage to make sure she keeps things stirred up & we are unable to see / spend quality time with our son or grandsons because of all this. We've tried to put all the hurtful things they (her, her mother & our son) have done behind us & move forward to try to have some sort of relationship but I fear it's to no avail...she just can't seem to function unless she's got some sort of drama going on with us. I am to the point to just say forget it! Our son doesn't seem to have the desire to make things rights with us since it seems she "wears the pants" (she's older than he is by about 5 years). I am ashamed of my son for allowing this to happen as we were very close before they were married & seemed to have a good relationship with her as well. Anyone else in this boat???

disgustedwithDIL disgustedwithDIL
42 Responses Aug 15, 2008

Yes and I have had to accept that my son needs to stand up, speak up and stop allowing his wife to be a bully. In the meantime I suffer with mixed emotions , insomnia and sadness. She is ten years older than he is. I hang onto hope my son will outgrow her.

I agree and always remind myself I did nothing wrong it is not my fault

Yup my daughter inlaw is Phyco as well I cannot evn say a word as a question or anything! She will call my husband screaming at the top of her lungs about me!! I won't answer the phone so she sat for five hours texting me god awful things! She needs phyciatric help! She is very jealous of one of my other daughter inlaws... Just because that is just her!! She has driven my son to drink he stays out in garage drinking until bedtime !!! I feel trapped !!

SAme here. My dil is diagnosed schizophrenic and who knows what else. Bipolar, and borderline. She knew she was schizophrenic before she decided to get pregnant. Without my sons consent. it is like walking on eggshells around her constantly. And the poor baby doesn't really like her so much. She has traumatized him somehow but we are not sure how. No, she will not take her meds correctly. She prefers to consistently smoke marijuana. She has blacked my sons eyes two times now. He saw an attorney the other day and is going to force her to get mentally evaluated and hopefully she will be required by the courts to be on psychiatric care and meds. If she messes up she will lose the child. I think anyone who is schizophrenic should never ever have children. I have seen way too much of her antics. I also think 90% of her antics are just spoiled bratness. Drama Drama Drama. She also refuses to let me see the baby if she is having an episode which could last 2 weeks to a month. or more. My son is finally trying to stand up to her. I think he did not stand up cause she is mentally abusive and physical as well. His self esteem plummeted. He is in the process of moving forward legally but it is very hard for him to confront or stand up to her. Hopefully he will grow from this. I think my son could use some good counseling from a good psychologist with an unbiased opinion. To help him get back on track.

I am not only in the same boat but drowning in their meanness!!! I have called it quits, as of today. I am also upset with my son for his part as well. Evidently the bond my husband and I had with our son was not as strong as I hoped it was. Any way I am sure when they need money or want something,they will start visiting again. I am just sorry that our 3 year old granddaughter will not know us the way she should. We had a lot to offer.But the bank of mom and dad is permanently closed.

My son has been married 2 years. When my first grandchild came along, DIL went psycho! Now suddenly trying to point out everything I do that she doesn't like to my son. What am I doing you ask? I don't know. That's my big issue. The baby loves me too much?? yes that what I've heard. The baby may want to more than her? Yes that's right. When I took them on a paid vacation when the baby was a few months old, she had no problem with me. Now that baby is getting a little older, she wants me to keep my distance. I feel the same as you icequeen, I just want to stop all this drama when it should be happiness because of a baby. I'm sure when money is needed my son will "text" me.... if he has her permission that is!

I'm with you! My son tells me is wife is a b@itch about the smallest things. He admits he misses us terribly. He's told me she's selfish about not allowing time with his family, even though we were all close before the ring! When he tries to talk to her, she lashes out on me, and what does he do? Nothing. He allows her to take the whole thing out on me. My saying we miss him isn't my saying his wife is a selfish b@tch that won't let him visit. HE's the one blaming her, but I get the attack. Frankly, I'm trying to mourn the loss of my son, so I can try to heal from this mess and be happy, again.

My gosh this sounds very familiar. Difference with me is there is an infant involved.. first grandchild for me. I just hate the thought of not having a close relationship with my grandchild but all her bitchiness and meanness is started to make me feel like I don't want to try anymore. My son says he takes up for me but why doesn't he just tell her to shut up , not talk about his family and that his mom will see the child if he feels like it's ok. What's supposed to be Happy times are turning to sad and frustrating times

My wife is also one of the worst daughter in laws any mother can get. Please read my story in this section. You are not alone maam, my mom is also suffering like u because of the evil nature of my wife.

I Had a son that had mental illness and on drugs their was domestic violence she hated him with a passion my son and I were very close we were friends for 8 yrs I helped in everything I could they have 5 kids she did nothing to help him with his drug habit I tried hoplessly she would hide his keys tell him lies about where he left his things she was controlling a lier and hated the whole family because we protected him from her the kids did not respect him she only stayed because of his ssi check but she made his life a living hell she would tex him making believe she was an x girlfriend and everything she did she would blame him she was suppose to be the person taking care of him cause of the mental illness cause by a motor cycle accident but she always said I hate u I wish you were dead she work for a large pharmasutical company he was staying with me because I had to call cps on her and my son cause of the drugs the kids were taking from the home they all had cell phones and she made sure that she heard every conversation the kids had with our family members there was texting back and fourth we had a hard time now my son is gone which god forgive me I think she had something to do with his death my son was off drugs living with me he went home to where she was living and I found him dead he was doing so good my only child gone not only that the older kids want nothing to do with me she does not want those kids to know nothing about all the things she did to them including that she drove from fla to Indiana with 3500 pills moving back from fla after she had left my son that ***** was mailing pills to my son through the U.S postal service it takes balls to do that she had good life insurance on him she had it all planned now im left with no son and no grandkids double the pain

My Heart goes out to you...i am going through the same thing..My Prayers go out to you

I feel for you. I also had a wonderful relationship with my son, but my DIL, also wears the pants, and has changed him.<br />
If your DIL mother is causing you problems, take her out of the picture in a polite way, don´t answer the phone when se calls, or tell her you are just leaving for an appointment. About your son, I´m sorry he doesn´t see your side, but it seems he won´t do it.<br />
So, I would suggest you to stay out of the turmoil of their lives and don´t add a bit. Time will show, who is who, and everyone will get what they deserve.

It is sad that the two of them are so competitive and the idea of this future dil's mother one -uping you or trying to at the shower is awful. I think there are lots of people out there who are like this and have a very insecure nature or competitive nature or sometimes both. I think you should continue to do the things that make you happy with regards to gift giving - never disclose to others ideas you have etc (so they can't interfere). I also think that when someone is all about the drama, the thing to do is show support/empathy but never feed back into it. I know that this can sometimes play against you - because she could make up lies and say you said something you didn't just to stir up trouble - but she could do that no matter what. I would also always try to visit when you can be as a group and not one on one with the "drama queen". <br />
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I don't think she sounds awful though - just not the same as you. How is she keeping you guys from seeing your grandkids or even your son? Have you and them had a conflict where it was said that she doesn't want you around? If not, I would just continue to be friendly and to invite your son and his family over - keep things light and just see if the drama dies down. Just remember, you do not have to like her - treat her with respect and try and see her as an acquaintance that is necessary. If at all possible - also try to see her as someone your son loves.

I have a daughter-in-law from hell! She has successfully alienated my son from us. She went to Chicago for business with my son and had dinner with my sister (son's aunt) and family. She proceeded to tell and air all the dirty laundry and made up stories accusing my husband (son's father) of stealing and inappropriate comments. Son's dad remodeled their house just before they were married: wood floors, painting, tiling etc. All for free, he worried my son would be overwhelmed in debt because of the wedding and so forth. Never stole a dime, why would he???!!!! Then she accused me of being a horrible mother and that my son was torn up because of lack of relationship. I have been giving them space because of all of the accusations and whenever any of us sees him he is relentlessly attacking us. As for the inappropriate comment it was a text that said " Don't you love me?" He was trying to get a decision from her about the house and she wouldn't return his call. It was just UNBELIEVABLE. This was a almost two years ago and we have already hashed the money thing out. (big blowout) Now she is reintroducing all of this to my family and says $3,000 dollars just disappeared. My husband had no access to her account. What is she smoking? Her own father was alienated from his large family years ago. I think it's a family tradition. She was married before and her ex-husband kicked her out and threw her clothes all over the lawn. Her family accused her of being the cause of the divorce and just started speaking to her (2 years ago) after a year of silence. Her father refused to have a father daughter dance with her at the wedding. I am at my witts end because she is filling my other son's fiance with this and I fear she is just a malignent personality. My son is backing her and thats fine because I don't want to come between them, but these lies and distortions have to stop! <br />
We had it out yesterday and I told my son I will always love him, gave him a prayer that we can pray for each other and hopefully all will work out. I have a large family and my sister was beside herself wondering what to do with all the hateful things my daughter-in-law said. I heard it through the grapevine that to watch out for daughter-in-law and salvage things with other son and fiance. I am so grateful to know the hatred that exists. Now my son says we all conspired against his wife and never liked her. I think she is jealous of new fiance. She is very money driven and complained relentlessly to me that my son doesn't hold his end up (financially). He is a finance guy. Also, new fiance's ring is much larger than hers. This all stared after the new engagement. I fear we have lost my son to the dark side. I have two daughters and they are so sad and dissappointed.

my heart breaks 4 U. i would give almost anything to have a relationship like the 1 u seem to be offering.

yes, I am!! My son's wife is such a witch, she got upset with me on FB because I sent hugs to my other 2 grandkids & didn't send any to hers, she has 3 boys from 2 other men & none are my son's, that didn't matter to me but my son has a daughter from a previous girlfriend. His present wife is so jealous of her it's really sad! & she is only 5 yrs old, our son has givin up any & all rights to this little girl because of the wife, & I know she runs his life. the wife does not work so my son is taking care of not only her but her 3 boys also & not his own child. I don't know what to do, I finally threw in the towel & said don't call me I will call you! & Thats the way I left.

UPDATE: It's terrible but the situation resolved itself for son divorced his wife earlier this year. The funny part is she & I get along great now. Once we heard about the problems between our son & his wife we approached our son just to let him know we were here if he needed us. Unfortunately things could not be worked out between the two of them but my DIL & I were able to have a heart to heart and things have been fine since. I feel heartbroken that it took so long on both of our parts to resolve our issues but I am happy to be a part of my grandsons lives and hopefully my DIL realizes we are there for her as much as for the kids. Both my son & she have moved on & the kids are doing wonderful. I Thank You All for all the comments & encouragement. It really helped to see things from both sides and to know I wasn't alone was a big help.

you oughta meet my DIL FROM HELLO

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Thank you!

I am DIL. Every situation is different and a lot of history to learn if anyone can really help out concerning the problem. For nothing happens just because. It's always the cause and effect. Biggest thing of a fight is simply a miscommunication and not being able to forgive the things that hurt you. The more open you are and the more conversation you can do, the better relationship will be. And the most important thing is to have faith in God and have peace in your heart. For He is the one who can solve any of your troubles and listen to your prayers. God bless you.

Some people are just drama drama drama and I hate drama! MDI thieves on drama!!

I feel bad for you, my daughter in law doesn't like me at all, and makes every attempt not to have anything to do with me. I have tried to bend over backwards to be nice to her, ask her to lunch, offer to babysit the baby, but she doesn't respond at all. My son is in the service and I doubt that he knows this is going on, so I don't plan on tellling him at this point. The point is she only lives about 1 hour away, and I am not working right now,and we could always meet for lunch, but it never seems to work out.<br />
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Please help.

I have had two mother in laws in my life. I have treated them both with respect and kept my own children and home. I never put my parents above my in-laws. I gave them equal holiday times. I never felt in competition with either mil. If my mother in law invited us to dinner and my husband was in heaven to have a meal he loved that his mother had cooked for him all his life I thought nothing of it. If my in laws purchased a gift my children loved that I did not have the money for or did not think of it..I was not feeling hate, I felt love for them and happiness my children had grandparents. <br />
Now I have been reading all the "I HATE MY MOTHER IN LAW", sites, there is many. I wish I had read them much sooner. For I now know the problem with my dil and the other hating dils'..pure hate and jealousy. <br />
I ask you, does the dil, ***** ,if "her mother", makes HER special meal? HELL NO.<br />
Does the dil get all pissy if "her mother", buys a treasured gift for the son or grandchildren? HELL NO<br />
Does the dil drop off all the grandkids and never return, until she feels like it, no matter what plans U may have had or does she call "her mother". <br />
My opinion is very low if all of you must know of this new generation of dil's out clubbing, dirty homes, kids, no manners and simply just RUDE and SELFISH.<br />
ALL they know is ME ME ME..they make me purely sick with their jealousy and neediness and have the nerve to rant. SO my advice is ..shut the door and don't let them use any grandkid or son to mess up your life.

I'm the dil.
What I can see from your writing is that you are the one who needs help.
I understand not dils are angels nor the mils.
We wrote stories about us here because we need someone to listen an understand.
Let me tell you my story.
My parents passed away a couple of years ago before I got married.
We were planning to have a nice wedding. I tried to ask her help cuz I don't have parents, what she wanted, how she wanted. She demanded they are going to invite a lot more people than we hoped. My husband and I were still struggling with debt at the time. She wanted our wedding to be the best and demanded us to book a very expensive place. I thought she was going to help as she is very well off. What did she say. I think the bride has to pay for the wedding.
Then my mil asked half of his income to pay for her mortgage and her brand new car. Told him he would be a bad son if he doesn't do that.
We don't have a house yet. We can only buy a $3000 car while we have to pay for her mortgage and $20000 car.
My husband's other half of income is to pay for his credit card debts and
his student loan.
I didn't say anything. I worked hard to support us so that he won't be called a bad son from his mother.
I called her mom. I cooked for her off and on. Try to please her with expensive gifts while I cannot afford for myself. I took her on trips. I just want the love from a mother to a daughter.
But how is the reaction?
She wouldn't talk to me for weeks if we go on a vacation alone.
She cursed on me if she saw my husband kissed me or hug me.
She told me " my son has his own hands" when I try to help my husband.
She accused me of controlling her son, if I asked my husband to help me with the dishes or take the trash can out sometimes and told my husband my son shouldn't do such things.
My husband and I have to work almost 7 days a week so that we can buy grocery and gas for ourselves as well.
You must have a heart of sweet mother of God to tolerate those kinds of treatments.
Who is jealous here. Who is being needy here?
Like I said Not every mil is an angel or an evil. But some are. You must be just lucky to have those kinds of mil who bought expensive gifts for your children and cooked nice dinners for you.
My mil charged $1000 for babysitting her grandkid to her poor daughter.
Again, Who's needy here? Have some understanding..

I have to say this there are MIL that interfere then there's MIL that try to keep a distance and just love their grand children and help out anyway they can!! I personally have a three daughter inlaws! One that's crazy jealous one that's so so and then a good one whom isint perfect but I don't believe anyone is!! The one that is crazy jealous is the problem! She needs phyciatric help asp or I'm gonna go off the deep end myself!!!

You're welcome. I hope that one day soon he realizes it =)

I hate to say this but I have nieces and nephews one of which I am very close to. Schedules don't coincide, work, having a family and life make it nearly impossible to see him. For a while he did not see me for a year and guess what not only did he survive but he was okay with it. I am not saying that to be mean at all. Don't misinterpret it that way...

That may be true but all we can do at this point is to wait & see. In the meantime the grandkids are missing out on two wonderful grandparents & aunts & uncles who would love to share the love they have with them all!

Disgustedwithdil, That might be the case but maybe he hasn't shared his true feelings with anyone, including you guys. He might be evenly upset with all involved.

Missing...I believe my son knows who I am but cannot find the ??? strength to confront his older wife or possibly he has not been able to build enough of a trusting foundation with her to know that they will make it through good times & bad. My hubby (his father) feels that our son feels trapped between us & is unable to acknowledge his true feelings to her just yet. Maybe with time he will mature & she will as well & this will be a done deal. Thanks again for the encouragement.

Hello Ladies...Thank you for the encouragement - at least I know I am not alone in this matter. I do not know what the bickering is about but I thought this site was to express opinions or feelings regarding a situation a person is dealing with WITHOUT all the drama. I was just looking for others like me who just don't know WHAT to do to try to maintain a peaceful relationship without sacrificing who they are to obtain that. Please - keep whatever disagreements you between the parties involved. I'm stressed enough as I'm sure others are too without adding this to the heap! <br />
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I'm sure all parties concerned have valid points & they're feelings/opinions should be respected without malice. I am the MIL now but I have also been the DIL who is disliked. After twenty-something years of the garbage dealt my way because I am who I am I finally figured that what my MIL thinks does not really matter as long as I know I have been a good wife & mother. That is what really counts. I may not like my DIL but if she makes my son happy - & I really hope she does - all I have the right to hope for is that she continues to do so & that she is a good mother to my grandsons. I do not have to like her for her to accomplish the things that really matter. It would just make life a little nicer if she were able to come to terms with whatever issues she has before it's too late so we can be a part of their lives. My own solution with my MIL has been to accept her as is & still do my own thing. As long as my hubby is happy & I'm happy with myself that is all I have to worry about. I do not need her approval, I just wish she could see past her hate to see that I do make her son happy.<br />
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So speaking from experience on both sides the bickering needs to stop - the harrasment should not have happened at all. We are all here because we need something from each & encouragement.

Well One warning I am sure will suffice ... People are smarter than you think and can make up their own minds. Like your son they don't need you to do it for them. So stay on topic. Any further discussion you may need about this feel free to message me. <br />
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I believe it would be appropriate to stay on topic. The topic is DisgustedwithDIL's Daughter.

Oh please mother! I did not refer to you personally as a troll however you have done that to me! "Internet Trolls" are people that harrass, twist words and start arguments, it is a term. Missing , no disrespect to you but I am fed up with being baited, talked about and picked on by these two women and nothing being done or said about it, its been going on for months. I did not say anything to or about them for them to start this back up. They are blocked from my profile for good reason and will not be unblocked. So emailing them is not an option also, I believe you know where that went before. Ladies, stop refering to me, and writing your back handed comments it is getting OLD!

I as mil that has been called very deroggotory names and have been accused of being a troll, want to warn ALL mils about young hmmmmmmmm women who cannot listen well, and feel as if we are directing our personal comments to them.

I'm not saying this to be rude but what does this have to do with disgustedwithDIL's story? It's a shame, the bickering should possibly be kept between emails? Am I right? This is very disrespectful to disgustedwithdil. <br />
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What does this have to do with the I hate my MIL forum? Absolutely nothing. She is discussing her DIL. So stay on topic.

Comments are our pesonal opinions, if some one is offended, maybe they need to rethink things over before making ASSUMPTIONS. There was very deroggotory comments on the i hate my mil forum, from several young hmmmm ladies!!!!

I blocked you because I asked you nicely not to comment me with your "opinion" several times. Instead you kept it up and obviously still cannot deal with it. Sorry if you are offended that I have blocked you but it was with good reason. Harrassment is not something you feel. That kind of mumbo jumbo is what got you blocked in the first place. When someone asks you to stop doing something to them and you keep it up it is harrassment. When my sil was served with a restraining order for harrassment, it wasn't because of something I felt. Enough about that though...I was not commenting you I was commenting this story.

Alright so back to the topic at hand ... DisgustedwithDIL I agree with you. No matter what you have to take care of yourself. The more you push the more you'll seem like the bad guy. You seem to get it. I know it sucks but really what else can you do??? You can't force someone to be part of your life unfortunately. If that were the case I'd be dating Chad Michael Murry from One Tree Hill ... J/K I love my husband very much. <br />
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You have my sympathy it's not fair to you or your grandkids. Why do you think your son believes her?

prettyflower.....Harrassment is something you feel. Perhaps you felt harrassed, but you can only speak for yourself and should not speak for every person on the site. The site was not yours nor was the story yours but you insisted that because I was not a DIL that I should not be commenting or trying to help anyone on the I hate my mother in law site; but you come on the I hate my DIL site and DO what you accused me of doing.<BR><BR>Did I miss something?<BR><BR>And by the way....YOU were the only person who blocked me. Obviously the other DIL's didn't have a problem debating personal views.

hmmm I believe you were blocked because you were harrassing the members. That is besides the point though, I was being nice and do not need to pretend to be something I am not. I also do not bait people only to start an online war.

disgustedwithdil.....I suggest that you go through your DIL's mother if want to work things out with your DIL. She will be able to get around her daughter because she knows how too.<br />
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Being humble and an apology goes a long way even if you were not at fault.

HMMMMMM, I repeat disgustedwithdil Beware of the bait, They are sheep in wolves clothing!!!! I was blocked from the i hate my mil forum because there were some young women who did not like my input.

hmmmm....above comment not needed!<br />
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Anyway, it is too bad that your DIL has made things so hard for you. I don't like arguing with my mother in law so I don't at all. It has come down to just not talking at all...which is sad itself but if that is whats needed to keep life less stressed so be it. The unfortunate thing about your situation is the grand kids. I hope things smooth over for you.

Be very careful, disgustedwithdil, there are some very negative and derroggotory young women on several forums that enjoy knocking mils, some even flip flop there comments to bait you, BEWARE!!!!

Some people can't seem to live without drama, but only if they are the ones causing it. <br />
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And the only thing those of us caught in the crossfire can do is back off or risk our own sanity.<br />
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Unfortunately it's the little ones that get hurt, at least temporarily.

I don't know what her problem was/is. It's good you were excited to have your grandson. The best advice I have I guess is just be there as much as you can w/o getting hurt. I know that sucks but you don't want her to push you away more than she already has. Did you ask your son why she believes you said that? Hopefully he'll be your link =)

Thanks for the support. No, she seemed to change after because we really had a good relationship (or so it seemed) she even lived with us for a short period of time before they were married. The problems started when her mom told her that we offended her - the so called offense was that she was not calling her mother back often enough & I was accused of telling her mother that she had chosen me over her. Funny thing is - I would never, ever even BEGIN to say something so horrible to ANYONE especially someone's mother! Anyone who knows me knows I have a very strong sense of family bonds & would never cross the line on something like this. I just don't know how reach her or my son to put the past to rest. It seems they want to hold on to the issues that they say started all this (we were first time grandparents with the birth of their son & wanted to come to see them once she was home from the hospital, we were told to wait two weeks so they could bond as a family, but she had her mom/family there each day. We were only looking for an hour or so to cuddle our grandson & maybe help out if we could.) I guess we were not supposed to be excited.<br />
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Thanks again for the support!

That is so sad. Why would anyone else treat someone like this. I think you're right about the competitive nature of her and her mother. Maybe one day your son will see his wife and Mother in law for who they really are. Hopefully she'll change. Was she like this from the get go or did it change once she realized she had him for good ( after marriage).