Wish I Could Send My Daughter-in-law to Another Country

My story starts with my only child and son graduating from high school and going off to college.  He left his little girlfriend back here and off he went to try and make something of himself while his girlfriend, now wife, did nothing but wait for her family to pass out handouts.  Behind my back she started going to visit my son at college on the weekends and then pops up pregnant.  My son dropped out of college to move back to hometown and in with his now pregnant girlfriend and her family (mother 39 years old with four children!).  Eventually they ran off and got married without telling me.  Everyone knew but me.  I was left outstide.  My son joined the military and is now in Infantry basic training.  He's sad, depressed, and hates being in the military as well as Infantry.  My snotty daughter-in-law thinks this is all a game.  She has no ambition, motivation to get up and do something for herself.  She just waits until the 1st when my son gets his check so she can go shopping.  She doesn't even leave him money in the account so he can buy stamps and calling cards.  I hate hating someone but I hate her.  I wish my son had never met her.

6 Responses Feb 16, 2009

Maybe your daughter-in-law doesn't know what it's like being in the military .. I hate it when I hear some wifey spending their husbands hard earned money for some useless s*** !
I'm a single mom, my bf is in the army but I never asked for single cent or complaining to him how hard it is to support all our needs just for him to give me money ..

I am sure you didn't like hearing that your son was an adult. Sounds like if you are questioning his "adulthood", you have not given him an opportunity to grow up on his own and learn by making his own mistakes. You son has chosen the life he is living and I am guessing by your latest statement, he has also chosen to stay with his wife and raise his child. Good luck to you in being a part of their life... personally I would have cut you and your negative attitude off by now!

Her "negative attitude" describes her hope that her son would stay in college and enjoy a higher standard of living, rather than risking dying in war. These are the things people want for people they care about. Her son's opportunity to do this was cut short by a girl who has shown no ambition but to become pregnant. This boy may have left college because he was brought up to be responsible and own up to his paternity. Just because the world is filled with irresponsible men who won't do this doesn't mean that this guy is madly in love with this girl, simply because he acknowledges his role in his offspring's creation. Most men would be miserable in the infantry as opposed to college, so I don't doubt her son is. His wife has not improved his quality of life, but simply relied on him to his detriment, and there is nothing caring or loving about that. Perhaps you will understand if you ever have a son. If you don't, I feel sorry for your son. The author is frustrated because she cares about her son, but he is trying to be loyal to a woman who doesn't care about him. Sure, he will eventually realize this, but there is much damage that he can suffer in the meantime, and her son was not put on this planet to be used. Your response makes me wonder how you treat the guys you date.

We all have hopes and expectations for our children. However, ultimately, they have to live their own lives and make their own mistakes. The real test is can the OP be a power of positive influence? She won't is she lives out her user name. She can either help support the marriage or nurse her bitterness over failed hopes for a life that is not even hers to live.

WISHMYSONDIVORCE: I totally understand your anger and frustration. There have been times lately when I wished horrible things towards my DIL! I'm not really that kind of person and the depth of my anger has shocked me and caused me to rethink many things. I'm glad you feel safe to vent here and aren't afraid to say what needs to be said. My DIL pulled the baby trap, too, and it's just a joke which I, as a woman, find disrespectful and disgraceful. I hope your son can hang in there long enough to get a grip on things. I'm sorry for you.

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WOW~ I'm also am a daughter inlaw - In today society your son didn't have to marry her because she was pregnant..Look at Brad and Angie. I am sorry looking at this like this ruined his life he quit college ect.. Maybe he will get wise.

Ok, I am a daughter in law, I do enjoy reading these stories only to get insite into my own relationship with my mother in law. I don't know how old your son was when he went off to college, but at that point he was probably an adult?? Technically she wasn't sneaking behind your back, because she didn't need to ask you if she could go. However I do agree that she needed to go to school herself or find a job. You can't blame her for your son not standing up to her, if for no one else, HIMSELF!! You have to let him make his own mistakes and hope he will learn from them. If not, it's not your position to interfere with their life. If you want to be a part of your son's life, back off and let him live it with his wife. If she is a horrible person, in the end she will get what she has coming to her. Good luck!! I do not believe all mother-in-laws are evil, just some won't address their issues until they are on the verge of snapping :)

Personally I don't like hearing the attitude of he was probably an adult and not your position to interfere --- jenniferlgarrard, because seriously, if we thought our kid was truly acting adult and his age? Then we wouldn't be concerned like we are. It is a lot later in the present day, that young adults do mature