Please Help Me

I don't hate my dil... she is the mother of 2 of my beautiful grandchildren .  I also am not a deeply religous person,although I do believe in GOD and talk with him almost daily.  I am not a perfect person nor have I ever claimed to be.  I try to bite my tounge but when you push me into a corner and I have to come out "Katie bar the door".  Fortunately that doesn't happen often although I admit I have had a much shorter fuse since loosing my Father last year.  There are not enough words or time for me to try and explain my situation.  Let me just say that for many years I did everyting I could to make my DIL happy with life and with my son.  He is by no means a perfect person and has many crazy ideas about how to "be wealthy" which usually fail but he has a great heart.  He started dating her when her daughter from a previous relationship was about 4 month old.  From day one even though they didn't get married quite a while he was her daddy and she was my 3rd gran-daughter.  He wanted to adopt her even before they got married so she would have a Dad no matter what (bio Dad is long gone) and I think that says alot about his heart.  She has never been a happy person and it seems she never will be.  Anyway for years I broke my neck to try and make her life easier,  she would call and be all stressed out about how she hated their house, or whatever the days subject was and I would run over and paint or spend money I didn't have trying to make her life better.  Mostly because I fell in love with my grandchild, my parents fell in love with her as well and I was afraid she would leave and take her away.  My fault I admit.  She would even then complain about me behind my back to the rest of the family but still had no problem calling me on a daily basis to whine.  Then she and my son got married and had another girl now 5.  After that is still continued trying to make her life easier and also,  trying to get her to lay off my son and then one day I just got tired of it.  I stopped spending money I didn't have to help buy things she wanted the girls to have.   I cut back on paying bills they hadn't paid when she hinted because I noticed she always had something new.  She had no trouble having her hair done, cut colored (not that there is anything wrong with that as long as your grandchild isn't being kicked out of daycare due to non payment).  Now don't get me wrong my son blows money also.  But I wanted to retire and I did.   It seems she became increasingly critical of me and was even worst about turning my words around.   So one day she called and started chewing me out because I had agreed to keep the girls from Sat. afternoon around 3  til Sunday afternoon and she wanted to bring them at 11:00am and I told her she needed to wait til a little bit later.  My stepson and his fiance' had dropped by and I hadn't had a shower or cleaned the kitchen yet.    I lost it ...... I told her I wasn't going to take her **** anymore and if I didn't feel like watching the girls til 2 or 3 I had ever right to do that.   She hung up on me called my son chewed his but out so he called me and said "Well we will just keep them at home then".   Ever since then it has all been downhill,  my grandchildren at least the 10 year old acts differently.   She even ask me one day why me and her mom hate each other.   I said I don't hate your mom, I love your mom, just because we haven't seen eye to eye a couple of times doesn't mean I don't love her.    She quizes the girls anytime they are around me until she can find something to be mad at me about.  As I mentioned my Dad passed away last year on Dec. 6th which happens to be my 10 year old's birthday.   Her sister had just had twins this year on the 2nd of Dec. of this year and they were going to go spend the weekend with her which happended to be Dec. 6th.   We had a little huray for her birthday at our house the weekend before.   We decided to go to Florida for a while as I was having a hard time with the 1 year anniversary thing.  My Daughter told me she called her and was ranting about what a self centered selfish person I was for going away on my grandaughter's birthday.   They weren't even here!  Anyway she has gotten well you just wouldn't believe the hell I have been going thru.  I didn't mean to vent at all, my entire point was to ask for help.  I have been in denial of grieving over my Dad this past year because everyone else was falling apart.  We stayed in Florida for almost 2 months as we have done for several years now.   I have been back for 2 weeks the first week we had to put my little dog child down with cancer and old age to end his suffering.   Then I have been sick and in bed for days with the flu and felt bad about not taking the girls a Valentine present by so I did and I still don't know what happened but she started and I lost it again only to hear what a horrible selfish person I was followed by a very lengthy  abusive email.   Like I said I am no Saint by any means but I need help...... yes from strangers because I can't deal with all of this anymore and need some prayers and guidance.  I am usually the strong one but I just can't deal with it and My friends are all my age with their own troubles and I can't talk to my family,  my mother is 83 and grieving the loss of her 57 year marriage and well anyway Thanks for listening and send a prayer upstairs for me if you will.










2589tn53 2589tn53
1 Response Feb 17, 2009

My prayers and thoughts are with you! I have a DIL that is a lot of trouble! She has caused so many problems in our family... to many to mention! But she has also kept my only Grandchild from me since just before Christmas. The last time I seen her she was 6 months old! now she is 9 months! We were there for her when her own family wouldn't even talk to her. That is a never ending cycle with her. Mad at us talks to them... mad at them talks to us. She has gone to far this time! Now she doesn't want me at my Granddaughters baptism. I am crushed! But I am being a little mean back at her and I'm making her think thatI am going to show up! It may be childish, but I want her to sweat ! Make her look over her shoulder every time the church doors open. That is my revenge! Good luck with your DIL!