Can't See My Grandson

This has been a Drama marriage since day one. I will relate our latest experience. My son is in the Marine Corps and is currently stationed in the states 2000 miles from our home.  His wife and him had a baby boy in early December.  He recently had a 2 week pre=deployment leave where he moved his wife and child into an apartment back in our home town. We had planned a going away party with friends and family at a local supper club. They started fighting as soon as they got here. On the night of the party she refused to come. I was ok with that as we really never got along anyways. My Son and a fellow Marine did drink quite a bit (as they will be in Iraq for the next year) and we ended up taking them back to our house and putting them to bed. At 3am our dog starts barking cause someone is at the door. My Wife answers the door and this crazy women, (my DIL) bursts into my sons room screaming and punching and kicking him! I wake up and run into the room wearing nothing but my tighty whiteys! I tell her to get out of my house. I then say it again and give her a little push towards the door. The next day my son goes over to their apartment to try and patch things up. Needless to say we don't see our son till the day he flys back. This was our last time before he deploys. Now his wife will not talk to us nor let us see our Grandson.  I feel I did nothing wrong but it is hard.  They are both young (20) but she is very immature. She is lazy as she has not worked as long as I have known her.  She couldn't even graduate high school or get her GED for that matter.  I think my son is being used and have a hard time with him not standing up to her or stand up for us. The hardest part is to let him be an adult and sit back and wait to pick up the pieces.

jeepbbb jeepbbb
41-45
1 Response Mar 14, 2009

I am so sorry to hear about this- My son isnt in the Marines, actually lives close to us and is as bad as his wife - I feel they are young - disrespectful - and full of anger -- <br />
<br />
Our grandson is 2 - we used to have him every weekend until he was 22 months old- then sons wife got mad at my daughter - emailed me a email that said <br />
the baby was dead to us --and from there it only got worse -- im attaching a letter i typed to her but never mailed - via email of course - she is so nuts<br />
ENJOY MY PAIN FOR A WHILE<br />
<br />
Dear (Daughter-in law name)<br />
you are right when your wrote “it is unfortunate that ugly things were said in the past” and those mean spirited words were successful and hurt me to my core. To say that my grandson was “dead” to us, that I was never going to see my grandson again cut me like a knife. I would never and have never withheld my love for my family. I would not use any of my family members as a pawn. <br />
<br />
You took it upon yourself to lash out at us (me) when I (we) did absolutely nothing wrong. What happened with you and (NAME) should have stayed that way - Between you and her. The way you handled things and let things linger months afterwards is unconceivable. <br />
<br />
I understand being human and making mistakes, but when the same mistakes are made over & over again, how is the lesson ever learned? As grown women, we need to communicate with ONE another, not go running to our husbands, our parents or siblingschildren to deal with our (yours & mine) issues. Again I repeat - I (we) did nothing wrong to receive that first email from you or even the one from (MY SON) that followed immediately. <br />
<br />
when WE talk one on one, face to face there is no room for misinterpretation on EITHER of our parts. But after that Thursday I watched (GRANDSON NAME), I cannot guarantee the last sentence can be safe. What did you say happened that made the chain of events revolve to this??? <br />
<br />
I am glad that you and (MY DAUGHTER) have been able to clear the air one on one, face to face. <br />
<br />
There are issues that need to be worked on by my son & I. I will no longer tolerate the disrespect and verbal attacks from him. I understand that he can get heated during a conversation or argument but I am still his mother. Would you ever speak to your parents the way that Josh speaks to me or the way YOU did? <br />
<br />
You have created a lot of hurt to people who cared for you unconditionally over the last year or so. <br />
<br />
I am willing to forgive but it will take time to forget and start the healing process. It will NOT begin with Easter- You have stolen my grand babys second birthday from us – Halloween -Thanksgiving and Christmas .<br />
You have succeeded. YOU meant to hurt us intentionally and YOU DID.. <br />
<br />
The tension between us is and has been caused by YOU. You created the tension and you ARE instrumental in the creation of the letter (MY SON) wrote to us. You created the tension between us when you wrote me that email and said (GRANDSON NAME) was dead to us. You didn’t even care enough about your statement to call us to recant your statement or ask for forgiveness. shame on you : The most hanes (sp) sin of all : WISHING YOUR SON DEAD. You put it in writing - You should be ashamed of yourself. I know I am for you and I pray God forgives you for that statement. <br />
You created the tension between us when you said in that same email that YOU WERE DONE WITH THE (FAMILY NAME) SIDE OF THE FAMILY. <br />
That didn’t hurt as much as the previous heart stabbing, as I know I have probably said the same thing 100 times - But (MY HUSBAND) wouldn’t let me do it. <br />
Again I repeat - I did nothing wrong to receive such harsh, angry, hurtful, vindictive words especially from someone whom I loved dearly – unconditionally and strongly. <br />
<br />
Should we now talk about the Thursday I took off work to watch (GRANDSON NAME)? <br />
Should we talk about the tension between us YOU created after you picked him up? The phone call you were instrumental in creating that (MY SON) called his dad and had to finalize that (GRANDSON NAME) will not be coming to Easter – Mutt Strutt or over any more because of the tenion you created then? Probably not, because our recollections will not be the same. <br />
<br />
Its admirable in some eyes that you sent this email after 7 months of the TENSION you created. The day before our EASTER gathering.<br />
Time was not of the essence on Friday (as (SON) put it in his scathing email to us that "personal emails" should not be sent to work)to answer this correctly. And there wasn’t properly enough time obviously Friday OR done quick enough after work to answer you "personal email sent to my office" by PHONE, because whatever you discussed with (son) prompted him to call the house in another one of his rages regarding YOU. Causing more TENSION. <br />
<br />
I truly hope you meant it when you wrote: <br />
Easter is a time of starting over, rising from your problems and forgiveness. <br />
<br />
This letter was constructed on Monday April 13, 2009 . Obviously too late