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Too Frustrated

I have two sons that are engaged to be married and I have the almost the same situation with both of their women.  I  feel so torn especially with my older sons fiance.  She has him wrapped around her little finger.  He is overseas right now and it is very hard to communicate with him.  She answers all of his mail.  She has to be a part of everything and my son allows this.  I know it is hard for him right now because of where he is, but she keeps putting her two cents in and has driven a very big wedge between my son and myself.  Nothing I have ever done in the ways of raising him has been up to her standards.  When she called me the other day I blew up at her and told her to stay out of any letters that were from me to my son.  I asked her if she knew what the word privacy meant.  I told her I have had it with her. That I was done even trying with her.  Dont get me wrong there have been plenty of other instances but this is just the most recent.  My son called me up and was yelling over the phone and a potty mouth that had no end.  Gee,  I made her cry  oh well tough.  He said I have to say I am sorry to her before he will talk to me again.  I will not say that to her ever........   I told my son that she has driven a wedge between him and both his brothers and myself but he doesnt see any of it.  Is love that blind and stupid really?  She has got everything mapped out for him. I keep my mouth shut but this has gone on for too long.  The staw that broke the camels back was when I was told that my son will be coming home for leave sometime in May for 2 weeks and he wont have the time to stop in and even say hi to any of his family.  I really worry about him because of him being overseas.  Now there will be no communication between us so I wont even know if he is ok or not.  Normally as a rule of thumb I never say hate, but I really hate my future daughter in law she is a monster! 

vegeta64 vegeta64 46-50, F 3 Responses Feb 16, 2010

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Hi there, I hope your situation has improved some. My husband and I have a very open and honest marriage. I do open and read his mail, old letters that I run into, I make all his doctor appointments, do his shopping... My point is, if that is how they work then what is wrong with it? How much privacy any individual should have in a marriage is really up to the two that are married. I am curious to know how your relationship wtih your MIL was. My MIL hates me, but she didn't have to deal with hers, so I don't feel that she understands what a complex position it really is on my end. And I would definately agree wtih honeybit, you raised your son. He is who he is mostly because of you. That being said, maybe your daughter in law feels that you are not including her in the family. That can be tough and may be a good place to start.

I agree with linlinstar on this one. She makes valid points. As a mother-in-law to sons-in-law, I can tell you this, the more I stay out of their business the better we get along. ONLY if asked do I give my opinions regarding their relationships and most of the time I decline when asked since opinions tend to come back and bite you in the butt now and then. <br />
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I read your other story and I know that YOU know how difficult maintaining a good relationship can be -- so be glad that your sons are the kind of guys to put effort into their unions. (didn't YOU teach them that?) Don't turn your relationships with the daughters-in-law into a popularity contest between you and them. You will lose unless you raised someone who wants to remain a child. If you can be friends with their spouces, you get to keep your children in your life -- because they WANT to be in it. If not, they'll go.

Hey, I fully understand !!<br />
You can only take so much and you blow - I DID - really big.<br />
They know where to hurt us and they do. It is whoever they are having sex with is who our sons are going to take up for - shame isn't it - still thinking with the wrong head. BJ